step into the sun ☼ deh

xiii

chapter thirteen
you're you, and that's enough
evan pov

trigger warnings: mention of social anxiety

     "Please, just give me one good reason why I should go to school..." Mia told me, in the car, after her freshman orientation. Poor Mia was crazy nervous for high school to start. Forget nervous... She was terrified.

     "Mia, high school is going to be some of the best four years of your life..." I said nonchalantly...

     Okay, this wasn't exactly a lie, so please don't freak out on me. I never said that high school was the best four years of my life... You see what I did there?

     "I literally don't know anyone in my classes..." Mia refuted. She could be stubborn in times like this, but she usually quieted down eventually.

     "Well, maybe you could make new friends, you're a nice person, people like nice people... Besides, isn't that one girl Olivia in your math class?" I tried to convince her. I almost wish I had the same opportunity she did. Mia didn't ever have to ever deal with social anxiety. She was nice, and people liked her. She had no problem talking to people, though she hated making new friends.

     "Olivia's popular, though... She hangs out with Jen and Rachel and Laura... You know, those people..." I laughed a little, since those were some of the names we thought of for Mia.

     "You're popular too. She was in your dance class, wasn't she?" I asked. I started to feel like I was sounding like my mom. I was just about to have Mia write letters to herself.

     "She was, but now she's on company..." Mia told me.

     "Well, at recital her mom told me that she's going to be in choir, so just be nice to her, okay?" I tried to negotiate with my daughter.

     "Okay... Sorry...." Mia contently replied. I could tell that she was upset about the new transition.

     "It's totally fine... Are you okay, though?" I asked.

     "I don't know... I'm just really scared..." Mia quietly said, her voice barely breaking.

     "It's okay... Why are you scared?" I asked. I felt awful. I mean, I knew that she had it better than I did, but that didn't mean that her fear wasn't valid. I mean, someone always has it worse, but that doesn't mean that you cannot feel that pain. I've had to tell a lot of my patients-and sometimes myself-this.

     "Because... I'm scared I'm not good enough..." That literally ripped my heart out and smashed it into a billion pieces. Though Mia wasn't exactly planned, she was probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. Mia was literally the light of my life. She helped me believe that I wasn't just a mess of broken parts. She pulled me together, and helped me believe that I was just a regular dad. A regular person. I almost felt normal, like I did during the climax of the lie. Only this time, it was real. I had a hard time convincing myself that this was real, but it was real. However, the fact that I never really told Mia who her mother was bothered me a little bit. I always told myself that it was for the best. Besides, plenty of kids didn't know who their real mom was. I didn't tell Mia that Zoe died or anything. I just told her that she left, which wasn't exactly a lie.

     "Mia, I have no idea why you would think that, but it's absolutely not true... You're you, and that's enough, okay? Don't let anyone tell you differently..." I told her. I had no idea what else to say.

     "I'm just scared that people won't like me..." Mia admitted.

     "You know, I felt the same, when I was your age, but it got better, I promise. And you're very likable, so I don't know why you think people won't like you."

      "Okay... Thank you, Dad..." Mia told me.

     "Your welcome, Mia... If you need anything or just want to talk, I'm here, okay?"

     "Okay..."

     Mia, as you can probably guess, did fine during her high school career, better than I ever did. I don't even know why she was scared in the first place. She mostly hung out wit Susan and Chris, but she got along with everyone in her class. Susan and Chris were her two best friends, that she usually stuck with. I was proud of her. She knew that quality was better than quantity when it came to friendships. Though I wanted her to have good friends, I was proud of her for having two really awesome best friends, instead of a lot of okay friends.

     I am very blessed to say that I am proud of Mia every single day. Though I've gone on about how Mia reminds me of her mother, Mia kind of reminds me of myself. Mia's apologetic nature is the first thing that comes to mind. Mia has a bit of my awkward humor too, but if I had to choose between who she was like the most, between Zoe and I, then I would definitely choose Zoe.

     The most important thing, however, is that Mia is her own person. She can be quiet, but loud if she needs to speak up. Mia is ambitious, and knows when she need something achieved and/or fixed. Mia is talented, and she works hard for what she wants.

     Basically, I'm just really proud of my daughter, okay?