step into the sun ☼ deh

x

chapter ten
birthday/scrapbook
evan pov

trigger warnings: mention of suicide and social anxiety

Mia was born at about 10:53pm in the local hospital. I wasn't really in the room during Mia's birth, due to the fact, that I absolutely couldn't stand it. I felt awful about it, but her mother respected the decision.

They let me in to see Mia and her mother around 11:00 or so. Mia was being held by her mother, while her mother was sitting in the hospital bed. She looked exhausted, and I understood why.

"Hey..." I said, quietly.

"Hi..." she replied. Mia was asleep, and her mother looked like she was pretty close to just konking out.

"How are you guys?" I asked.

"We're both pretty tired..." she laughed. We both looked down at Mia. She was pink-faced and she looked a bit ticked off, like all newborns do, I guess. She was wrapped in a small pink blanket, courtesy of the hospital. I had one for her in the car, so I planned on getting it later.

"Your mom called, and I think she's going to visit later. My mom is too, since this is the hospital she used to work at..." I told her.

"Ah, yes the dynamic duo of Cynthia an Heidi. Heidi and Cynthia..." I could tell that she was a little "drugged up" on painkillers and stuff, but she was still sane. She started to doze off a little bit, but her grip never really loosened on Mia. Nonetheless, I took Mia, and kind of sat in a chair in the room, holding Mia.

☼☼☼

Cynthia and my mom-The Dynamic Mom Duo, as I sometimes called them, got into the hospital, around the same time Zoe started to wake up. They actually became good friends, despite the lie and all. Both of them were close to tears (of joy, I think), and they were excited to meet their granddaughter.

"What's her name?" My mother asked.

"Mia Connie Hansen..." Zoe told them. I was mostly stunned to silence. We both decided on Mia about a week ago, and I thought it was fitting. I was just shocked that this adorable little girl was my daughter. I couldn't believe that I had a daughter in the first place. Was it planned? Of course not, but we weren't bitter about it. Maybe for the first week or two, but we got over it. Zoe and I planned everything out, with custody and money and all, but it still was kind of hard, with her final year of college approaching. She was currently working at Target, and writing some stuff to get extra money. I was working at a local suicide hotline as a counselor, so things were working out well. I was lucky to get this good job soon. People said that I was a good counselor, because of my experiences, and I guess that was true. Working as a counselor has helped me a lot too. I wanted to help people who had ever felt alone, or like they are waving through a window, trying to be seen. I guess learning to work with other people who had social anxiety or were feeling sducidal, helped me with my still present social anxiety.

"Oh my gosh, I love her already!" Cynthia said, beaming, "I need a picture of you three!"

I walked over next to the hospital bed, where Zoe and Mia were. Zoe and I smiled, while Mia just kind of sat there, not knowing what to do/or what was going on. Cynthia snapped a picture on her phone, while my mother stood behind her, smiling a huge smile. Cynthia sent it in the Murphy-Hansen group text. Larry couldn't make it, due to the fact that he was in Utah on business.

We took turns passing little Mia around, and gawking over her. She was super quiet, and didn't cry too much or anything. The doctors said she was healthy, so that was awesome. Everything in that moment felt almost too perfect.

☼☼☼

There's scrapbook that I kept under the sink in my bathroom, next to some cleaning supplies. The scrapbook had a sky blue cover, and there was a blank space for a picture on the cover. I waited for Mia's senior pictures to put one in. Each page is a different event of Mia's life. I wrote down her age and grade on each page. First and last days of school, choir concerts, dance recitals, school dances, and football games, were all documented. A copy of the picture that Cynthia took in the hospital of Zoe, Mia, and I was the front page. I had another copy of the picture, hidden behind a framed picture of a tree that was in the hallway, near Mia's room.

Each page was decorated in Mia's favorite color-sky blue. I started the scrapbook when Mia was about 18 months old, when we decided that I would have full custody of Mia, for the time being. The time had been "being" for about eighteen years, but who's counting, really? I had planned on giving Zoe the scrapbook, when Mia went to college. The scrapbook was pretty big, mostly because I felt the need to document everything I could in the scrapbook. I never knew if there was anything important that I was missing. I wanted Zoe to know Mia, rather than having absolutely no relationship. I don't know if Mia knows about it or not, but I know that Zoe doesn't know that I'm making the scrapbook. I was honestly excited to give Zoe the scrapbook, when it was finished.

I placed Mia's "First Day of Senior Year" picture in on the next blank page. I kind of wanted to show Mia the scrapbook, as a trip down memory lane, but then I would just be giving it away before she knew it. I was actually pretty proud of the scrapbook, since I didn't really think that I would end up following through with making the scrapbook in the first place.

I placed the scrapbook under the sink, so Mia wouldn't find it. Not that I didn't trust her or anything. I just wasn't a fan of leaving the scrapbook out in the open. There were pictures of Zoe in the scrapbook, and I didn't want to freak her out. Mia never really went in my room, so I didn't really worry about her snooping in my room, though I wanted to be cautious.

One of my favorite pages in the scrapbook was the page that documented Mia's last dance recital, mostly because of her solo, and the fact that Zoe got to see her dance for the first/last time. I put an extra picture of Zoe looking through the program, just for kicks, really. The recital made me kind of sad, but she danced beautifully, and that was one of my proudest moments. for her. I put Mia in dance, mostly because I was a clueless (single?) dad that felt like my daughter needed to get involved. I chose dance, probably because I read it on some parenting blog, or maybe someone told me. Mia ended up loving it, and she became a really good dancer. They wanted her to be on their performing company, at her studio, but she decided against it (though I wanted her to have opportunities like this in dance, I was glad she didn't. Most of the performing company moms were a little catty, and I would be the only dad. It would have made me nervous, being the only dad. I didn't want the moms to be nosy). Mia took classes, and had good relationships with her coaches and stuff. Some of my proudest moments for Mia were because of dance.

Mia also was a show-choir girl for a while. She did Junior Varsity All-Girls choir during her freshman year, and halfway through the year, she had to fill in on Junior Varsity Mixed choir. She was already a good dancer, and her singing was decent. I always liked going to her competitions and stuff, and my mother went to a lot of them. She was a big show-choir fan, and she even went after Mia quit. It still bothers me that Mia quit most of her extracurriculars, due to the fact that she was nearing her senior year, and she needed to focus on her schoolwork. She never got bad grades or anything, and I could tell that she loved what she was doing. Still, it felt wrong to not let her drop out, because her reasoning behind quitting was understandable. I just hoped whatever Mia was doing, she was okay...