step into the sun ☼ deh

xiv

chapter fourteen
there's a picture...
zoe pov

trigger warnings:

I love pictures. Not exactly photography, but just pictures in general. Pictures that have memories of my life, and the lives of those I loved. When we decided to have Mia live with Evan, he promised me that he would document Mia's life in a scrapbook. I guess when Mia graduated, he would give me the scrapbook. It was so I could at least see what was going on in Mia's life. I haven't seen the scrapbook or anything, but I knew that he had it. I was honestly excited to see at some point, but I wasn't 100% sure when. Evan once mentioned that Mia had no idea about the scrapbook's existence. I had a feeling that Mia did find it, somehow.  Mia seems like the type of girl who is curious and finds random things around the house. She struck me as a bit of a "mystery solver".

However, there is one thing that I was hoping that she won't find. Evan used to be into "tree photography" (it's exactly what it sounds like", and in his house, there's one of his tree pictures, hanging in the hallway. Behind that picture, there was the photo that we took in the hospital of the three of us. I was laying in the hospital bed, holding baby Mia, and Evan was standing next to us. Evan wanted a copy of it outside of the scrapbook, but he didn't want Mia to see it.

I don't have a ton of random childhood memories of Mia to share. I saw her more often when she was a baby, and when she was younger, and nothing really significant happened back then. I just hoped that someday, someone would want to just hold her for twenty minutes straight. They wouldn't pull away. They didn't look at her face, and they didn't try to kiss her. All they would do, was wrap her up and hold her tight without an inch of selfishness to it. I just hoed that she became addicted to saying things and having them matter to someone. I was confident that my hopes came true, with Evan as her father.

I, obviously, thought about Mia a lot. Probably more than how much Mia thought about me. Evan told me that he told Mia that I just left. He told me that he didn't know what else to day, since we didn't want to give her the full details, especially around the time she asked. I didn't mind him telling her this, but I kind of sounded like a deadbeat mother who walked out on her family. However, I let this fall off my shoulders, like water off a duck's back. I knew that one day, when she was old enough to understand, I would be able to explain everything to Mia. I was hoping that it would be before she graduated, or maybe at her graduation. I just really hope that Mia wouldn't hate me or anything... She honestly probably would end up hating me. I mean, I basically left her, and I missed her entire life. I never even reached out to her, or tried to meet her. I had been terrified of trying to meet her all these years. I didn't want her to end up hating me, though that's what I thought would happen.

I remember when Mia finally moved in with her dad (she was about one or two). It was a bittersweet day for me. Mia had always sort of lived with Evan, but that day, when we made it official, was kind of hard for me. I had no idea when I would be able to see Mia again. The mother side of me came out that day. As much as I told myself not to, I cried. I was kind of a silent crier. That day, I knew that I wouldn't see my baby girl for a really long time. I had no idea how she would turn out or if there was any way that I could figure out how she was, without meeting her. I was afraid of meeting her, before she even left. That's when I had an idea...

Tears were threatening to come out of my eyes, as I sat with Evan. Mia was kind of exploring the (barely baby-proofed) living room in my apartment. I just wanted to enjoy this moment, before we decided to send her away. Everything was already packed up and in the car.

"Evan, can you please do something for me?" I asked.

"Sure, what is it?" Evan replied.

"Will you please try and just... take pictures of everything she does... I'm not going to be there, but I still don't want to miss anything..." I told him.

"Yeah... Of course, Zoe..." Evan said.