A Place to Land

Karen

           

"If I seem a little bit afraid baby try to understand"

Mid-September of 2008 rolled around and we're getting ready to go out on tour with Carrie Underwood. I kept telling myself that this was all going to be fine. I've had nine months to prepare for this tour and it doesn't seem like enough. I don't think I could ever prepare myself to see Mark. I haven't seen Mark since he signed his rights to Aubree away over three years ago. I'm definitely nervous about this, but it's only for a few months. I can handle this. I know Jimi isn't too thrilled about being on tour with Mark being around all the time, but he has been incredibly supportive.

I'm worried about what is going to happen when Mark sees Aubree. He has nothing to do with Aubree and I want to keep it that way. I don't think he will do anything, but with him you never know. I don't know if he's changed at all since I last saw him. I don't want her to have contact with him. Not yet. She's only three and she doesn't even know that Jimi isn't her biological father. We don't plan on telling her until she's older. Until she understands what is going on. She doesn't need to know now. She's just a baby. She's mine and Jimi's baby.

We're heading out tomorrow morning for Kansas to kick off the tour. We're only doing the last leg of the tour that lasts about four months. Its 7:00 the night before we leave and Jimi and I are getting packed. Aubree is in her room packing her toy bag before we put her to bed.

"Jimi, I'm freaking out" I said trying to hold myself together when I walked into our bedroom. He walked over to me and put his hands on the sides of my arms.

"Everything is going to be fine. I really don't think he is going to try anything. It's been three years since he's seen Aubree. And remember, he signed his rights away. Legally, he's not her father. I am. And I'm not going to let him come near her. I promise" he said and kissed my forehead.

"I love you and I love our little girl. I'm not going to let anyone hurt her or you. You two are my whole world and I'm going to make sure that nothing happens to the two of you" he said and I started tearing up. He raised his hands to my cheeks and wiped the tears away.

"I love you" I said and kissed him.

"Mommy I finished packing my toys" Aubree said and came in our room.

"Okay sweetie, let's go get ready for bed" I said and pulled myself together before she realized I was crying.

"Everything's going to be fine" Jimi whispered and I smiled.

Aubree went into the bathroom and I helped her get ready for bed. When she was ready, Jimi met us in Aubree's room down the hall. She picked out her favorite princess book and I sat down on the rocking chair and Aubree climbed up on my lap. I read the story and then Jimi and I tucked her in bed.

"Good night baby girl, I love you so much" I said and kissed her forehead.

"I love you, princess" Jimi said and kissed her cheek.

"I love you too" she said and nestled in her bed.

"We'll see you in the morning" Jimi said and soon Aubree was asleep.

Jimi and I walked into our room. I had calmed down for now. Jimi always knows what to say to calm me down. I don't know what I would do without him. We finished up packing and then went to bed. I just hope that this tour goes quick and smooth.

We woke up to the alarm going off at 6:00 the next morning. We don't have to leave until 7:30 and we wanted to get packed up and ready for the day before Aubree wakes up. I took a shower and Jimi took the bags out to the car. I got dressed and then Jimi hopped in the shower. When I was done getting dressed, I went over to Aubree's room to get her dressed. I picked out her outfit for today and walked over to her bed.