A Place to Land

Jimi

"All my love here I go again"

I walked out of the operating room. I had tears running down my face. All I heard as I was walking out of the room was her monitor flatlining. I ran my hands over my face and through my hair. I paced down the hallway. I leaned up against the wall and covered my face with my hands. I sunk down onto the floor and let the tears fall. I can't lose her. Our kids need her. Our kids need their mother. I need her. She needs to pull through this. She just has to.

A few minutes later, a nurse came out with Elijah. I stood up and looked down at him. He looks so peaceful and doesn't have a worry in the world.

"I'm going to take him up to the nursery, would you like to come with me?" she asked politely.

I pulled myself together and nodded. "Yeah" I said and took in a deep breath.

I followed her to the nursery. She wheeled him in and she let me go in there.

"Hey little guy" I said with a smile.

"You are so loved I hope you know. Your Mama and I love you so much and your big sister can't wait to meet you. Your Mama's fighting right now to be able to see you. She loves you more than you will ever know and so do I." I said and grabbed his tiny hand.

They let me stay with him for a few minutes then had me go to the waiting room. I sat down in a chair. I know our parents are going to be here soon and I don't know what I'm going to say to them.

I saw my mom walk in the hospital. I stood up and she walked over to me.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" she asked. My eyes filled with tears again.

"What happened? Is the baby okay?" she asked concerned.

"He's fine. Perfect actually" I said.

"But, they had to do a c-section because he was breech. Everything went fine, and then all of a sudden she couldn't breathe. Then there was blood in her IV and they didn't know where it was coming from. Her blood pressure bottomed out and when they made me leave the room, I heard her monitor flatline" I said with tears rolling down my face again.

I could see the fear in her eyes. My mom wrapped me in a hug. "She'll be okay" she said and rubbed my back.

"I really hope so. I can't lose her" I said in a tearful voice.

"I don't know what I would do if I lost her" I added and wiped the tears off my face.

About ten minutes later, Karen's parents walked in and found us in the waiting room.

"Hey, what's going on?" her mom asked.

"Is there something wrong with the baby?" she asked when she saw the look in my eyes.

"No, he's perfectly healthy" I said.

"What about Karen?" her dad asked with worry in his voice.

"She's in surgery" I said.

"Surgery? Why?" her mom asked worriedly.

"She had to have a c-section and after he was born, they found blood in her IV and her blood pressure bottomed out and when I was leaving the O.R. I heard her monitor flatline" I said with tears forming again.

"Oh my God" her mom said and sat down slowly in a chair.

"Have you heard anything?" her dad asked.

"Not yet" I said.

He sat down next to her mom and grabbed her hand. I started pacing around the waiting room. I couldn't sit still. I can't just sit around when my wife is cut open in an operating room fighting for her life. I need to know if she's okay. She has to be okay. I need her to be okay. About an hour later, I saw her doctor come out and take her scrub cap off.