A Place to Land

Jimi

"See I've never had any trouble falling"

It's the end of January, 2009. Aubree just turned four. We had a party for her at an indoor water park and she loved it. We wrapped up our tour with Carrie Underwood just before Christmas. The tour was fun, but it was a huge relief for it to be done. Karen has definitely calmed down since we've been home. I know she was worried about Aubree having contact with Mark. Aubree doesn't know who he is, it was more of the fact that Mark was there and he can be unpredictable and tends to put himself first.

Karen and I put Aubree to bed at 7:30 and its 10:30 now. Karen has been on the quiet side for the past few days. She seems really distracted and I'm not sure what's on her mind. Every time I ask her about what's bugging her, she says that she's fine and changes the subject. I know she's not fine and I'm worried.

I was lying in bed waiting for her to be done in the bathroom. She came out and turned the light off in the bathroom. She walked over to her side of the bed and crawled in. She never once looked at me. When she was situated, she turned the lamp off and put her head on her pillow and turned on her side away from me.

"Kare?" I whispered.

"Yeah?" she asked with her back still facing me.

"You've been really distant the past few days, what's going on with you?" I asked softly.

I saw her take in a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds before letting it back out. Her silence was really starting to freak me out. It's like there is something that she isn't telling me.

"I want to have another baby" she said quietly. I was honestly surprised by the words that came out of her mouth. Now I was speechless. I knew she wanted more kids, but we haven't talked about it in a really long time. I just figured she was happy with Aubree and wanted it to be the three of us. I just want her to be happy.

"It's okay if you don't want to have more kids" she said and took my silence as a no. I scooted closed to her and wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed her temple. I could tell she was starting to cry. Her breaths were uneven and I could see a tear roll down her cheek.

"Babe, that is not it at all" I said and pulled her closer to me.

"I would love to have another baby with you" I said. I propped myself up a little so I could see her face. She sucked in a breath and a smile grew on her face.

"Really?" she asked and sniffled.

"Really. Nothing would make me happier than having another baby with you" I said.

She rolled over and faced me. "You really want to have another baby?" she asked again with a smile.

"I really want to have another baby" I said.

"I love you so much" she said.

"I love you more than you will ever know" I said and kissed her.

"How about we get started" I said and gently pushed her on her back.

"I think that sounds like a great idea" she said. I leaned down and kissed her and things escalated from there.

After four months of trying for another baby, Karen was getting really frustrated and discouraged. It's the end of May, the day before our third anniversary.

This morning at breakfast she said she wasn't feeling that well. She came back downstairs and grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the stairs.

"What's going on?" I asked her.