Sherlock and the Guide

Sherlock 4

Sherlock

Sherlock stood up. He looked around, everything seemed normal... Wait, never mind, Zaphod was a pelican. And Ix was a pigeon. Sherlock looked down, he was an eagle. Crap. Birds. He hated birds. Zaphod waddled around and squawked at Ix, who was cooing furiously.

"We are now reaching normality." Said another voice somewhere on the ship. Sherlock started to turn back into a human. Was this a dream? A hand slapped him on the back.

"How'd you like your first experience with the improbability drive?" It was Zaphod.

"Uh, I was an eagle."

"Good! I don't know what that is, but I'm assuming it's a good thing!"

"An eagle is a bird, Zaphod. You were a bird too, and so was Ix."

"I know." He walked over to Ix, who was shaking off a few feathers.

"Ugh, birds."

"Hey guys," Eddie called, "we're here!" The ship orbited slowly around a large restaurant. It was magnificent. There was a large parking lot filled with ships and odd beings heading towards the restaurant. Sherlock walked towards the window, amazed.

"This, this is breath-taking." He smiled a little. "What should I know about it?" He turned around and found Zaphod holding out a small object, it looked like a kindle.

"This, my friend, is The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

Sherlock took hold of the book. It was black and it had the words "Don't Panic" written on the back, they were oddly comforting.

"So, uh, what do I do with this?"

"Just ask it something."

"So like Siri?"

"Sure, let's go with that." Zaphod turned around and ordered Eddie to take them to a parking spot. Sherlock opened the book and murmured, "Milliway's." The book responded cheerfully with an explanation on the restaurant:

"Milliway's, also known as the restaurant at the end of the universe, is an extraordinary restaurant. It has shows and can seat thousands. It has a spectacular view of the end of the universe and is especially useful for entertaining large crowds-" The book fell out of Sherlock's hands, they had suddenly stopped, causing Zaphod to swear. After finally getting into a parking spot, they walked towards the building. Sherlock ran around ahead of the rest of the crew, he was so relieved to be back on land. They walked inside and were directed to their seats by a being who looked very human, but, unfortunately had a face in the back of his head that liked to talk about the weather. This disturbed Sherlock a little bit, but he figured he'd have to get used to it.

"Sher, this restaurant is the BEST!"

"Don't call me Sher."

"Have you ever seen the end if the universe?"

"No... I thought it didn't have an end? Like, I thought it went on forever and was forever expanding." He didn't know much about space, but John had forced him to read an article about this kind of thing, so Sherlock remembered it in case John wanted to talk about space or something.

"No no, the end of the universe, you know, when it blows up and stuff?" He smiled widely.

"But, but won't WE blow up TOO?" Sherlock looked around, no one seemed worried.

"Nope." Zaphod winked at a passing lady-at least, Sherlock hoped it was a lady. He noticed the worried look on Sherlock's face. "Don't worry, Sher, I've been here TONS of times, and I'm fine!" He smiled again.

"Don't call me Sher." He crossed his arms and looked around at all of the different species in the restaurant. If the people of Earth knew about this, they would go crazy. There was a noise behind him that sounded like someone had puked, he looked around to find a fly-like being standing behind him in a tuxedo. It made the noise again. This time, Zaphod answered it.

"Yeah, uh, he'll just have some water." The being walked away, leaving Sherlock once again, confused.

"Did you just communicate with that thing?"

"Yeah, it asked you like three times what you wanted to drink, I had to say something."

"But, how did you understand it? You're obviously not bilingual, in fact, I'm even surprised you can speak one language."

"Babel fish, bro. Let me guess, you don't have one."

"Probably not."

"Yeah ok, we'll get you one once we get back on the ship." Zaphod leaned back in his chair, his feet against the table. The fly-being was back within a couple of minutes, and Zaphod ordered for Sherlock (he got an ordinary sandwich). Again, the fly-being was back with their orders in only a couple of minutes, and Zaphod immediately dug in.

"So," he said in between bites, "Ix, where should we take our Earth friend next?"

"Well, we could take him to..." He thought for a moment, "to our home planet!"

"No."

"Then I'm out of ideas, man."

"Sher, where do you want to go?" Sherlock looked up from his sandwich.

"I don't know, uh I guess we could go to..." He desperately thought of a planet, "Mars?"

"Mars? That's what you come up with, Mars?" Zaphod rubbed his temples, "There's all these AWESOME planets, and you choose Mars?!"

"Well I'm sorry for not being an expert on all the 'awesome' planets!" He angrily shoved the sandwich in his mouth.

"Well-," Zaphod stopped, he was staring at something; his eyes widened, "uhhhh, Ix? Look." He pointed towards some beings who were obviously part of the police force. They had black uniforms on with the letters "IPF" on the front. They even scared Sherlock, they looked like they could beat you up just by looking at you. "Well guys, this lunch has been great and all, but I think it's time we hit the road." He threw some money on the table and started quickly walking towards the door, with Sherlock and Ix behind him. Zaphod shielded his face as the cops walked by, and they didn't notice him. Sherlock stared at them as they walked by, they had tanks on their backs labeled "CH4", apparently they breathed methane. Ix pulled Sherlock's sleeve and they hurried into the ship. Marvin was standing near the door. Zaphod started yelling at him.

"Why didn't you tell us that the police were here?! You could've at least called if you didn't feel like lugging yourself inside!"

"I did call. Three times, in fact, but you were being your usual idiotic self and you didn't have your phone on!"

"Oh." He pulled out his phone and checked it; there were three messages. "Sorry Marv."

"Oh, shut up." He walked off to sulk in his usual spot. Sherlock collapsed on a chair and Zaphod sat behind the wheel.

"Ready to go, Sherlock?"

"I suppose." And with that, they blasted off into space.