6. Before

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6. Sixteen

Colt

Nice work. Good game. Great job. Keep this up and you'll have a scholarship.

That's the noise that echoes in my head after every game. The walk back to the locker room filled with noise that I'd rather not here. It puts too much pressure on me, pressure that I can't handle at times.

Coach gathers us around on the metal benches in the locker room. "You boys did well today, really well." He always has a speech on hand at any given moment but it seems like right now he's at a loss for words.

He nods and smiles right at me, "you did real good, Kid."

"Thank you," I say feeling slightly embarrassed that he called me out. I'm used to it but I'm not. I love baseball. I love the feel of the ball in my hand and the looks between the catcher and I while I'm on the pitcher's mound.

I love the tradition. I love the walking out there and hearing the crowd cheer and the silence when the game is close. I love it.

We break up, shower, and are heading out of the locker room with plans for a night of parties. I want to bail, go home, maybe watch a movie with Kenzie but I can't. And maybe that is why I'm so tired. I'm not tired of the game, I'm tired of the life after the games.

Once you go to a few high school parities you've been to them all. Music too loud, the smell of stale beer and sweat, girls giggling, and guys chuckling over some lame game. It's all the same. And I guess this is what I'm sick of.

I fill a plastic cup up with keg beer that taste like old socks and head into the living room. There is a makeshift dance floor in the center surrounded by couches. A few girls dance, while others sit on the couch waiting for someone to hookup with.

"Your sister's here," Dave says slapping me on the back. Dave has been my friend since we were four when we both began playing t-ball. He's now the catcher and I don't know if I'd be able to pitch as well without him. It's about trust just as much as it's about skill. And I trust Dave with my life.

"Shit, really?" I ask looking around the room for dirty blonde hair that matches my own. Mackenzie doesn't come to parties like this. Hell, she doesn't come to parties at all. Her and her best friend sit in her room and watch movies or go shopping and stay away from the "typical" high school scene.

"With that girl she's always with. Vi, I think." Dave tells me as he walks away to find his girlfriend Leah in the crowd of drunk teenagers.

I wander the house looking for my sister and find her in the middle of the couch surrounded by my teammates. I want to punch them all square in the face.

"Kenz," I say and she jumps up and stumbles over to me. She's drunk. Mackenzie has never even had a sip of wine at the dinner table. What the hell is going on?

I look over to find River smirking at some guy whose name I'm unsure of. She also looks as drunk as anyone else here. I don't know much about River but I know that this must have been her idea.

"I heard you game went well. Congrats," Kenz says laughing at nothing. I hold her by the elbow and drag her over to Vi.

"What the hell, River?" I ask. River looks stunned to see me and to see that I'm speaking to her. We don't talk. Ever. When she comes over she goes straight to Mackenzie's room without a second glance towards me. And in school we run in different crowds.

Her blue eyes narrow as she looks at me and Mackenzie. It looks like she is at a loss for words, unsure of how to proceed after being caught doing something she doesn't normally do.

"What?" she asks. The guy she was with makes a quick getaway and River rolls her eyes. She looks good tonight. I've noticed before, how she's pretty in an untraditional way. Her blue eyes a bit too big, her nose tiny, she's skinny and tall, but wears baggy clothes.

Tonight she is wearing skinny jeans, boots, and a tight black t-shirt that shows off a body I didn't know she had.

"Stop checking out my best friend," Mackenzie says slapping my arm. River looks surprised again. She is always quiet and unsure so I wonder what they're doing here.

"I'm not," I snap. "What the hell are you guys doing here? You never come out."

"River wanted to forget tonight," Kenzie says making River's eyes bulge slightly.

"Shut up, Kenzie."

Now Mackenzie pretends to zip her lips shut and walks away from us. I keep an eye on her as she enters the kitchen for another drink.

"Forget what?" I ask.

"None of your business," she says and always walks away leaving me standing alone in a crowd full of people.

***

An hour or two later I'm sitting in an empty bedroom pretty drunk with River who is also pretty drunk. She is mumbling and laughing and I'm laughing too. I have no idea what she's saying.

"We should find Mackenzie," River says about to stand up. I grab her by her waist and pull her back on the bed. We are now laying down on our sides facing each other. I run my fingers over her hip and all the way up to cup her cheek. Her eyes close and she sighs.

It's all the permission I need. I lean and kiss her softly, she responds by pulling me closer. Arms around my neck. Soon I'm on top of her kissing her lips, her neck, her shoulders. I want her out of the these clothes and I want to know her.

"What were you trying to forget?" I ask again slipping her t-shirt over her head. She unsnaps her bra and shakes her long dark hair so it falls around her shoulders.

I don't wait for an answer. I can't think at all when she is looking like this in a room only slightly lit up the the full moon that is lingering in the sky.

"My dad. I'm trying to forget my dad."

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