River & Colt [Completed]

24. After

Unedited
24. After
River

Colt and I are moving at a speed that I can handle. We aren't skyrocketing into space like we were at the start of our relationship. Instead we are figuring out who we are now and relearning everything about each other.

His hand is intertwined with mine as we sit on the couch in his tiny living room. I can't seem to get enough of him and his closeness. I crave his touch while I'm working and have begun truly thinking about our future again.

It was so simple before everything happened to dream about what we would be and who we would become as we grew together. Our time apart has dimmed those dreams and turned them into distant memories. I never thought I'd get a third chance with him.

"I think you should see your mom," he says abruptly dropping my hand and turning towards me. We are staring at each other, not speaking.

I don't think I expected him to ever say those words to me. Colt stays out of my family business, or at least he used to.

"Why?" I manage to get out still staring at him in shock.

He shrugs and takes my hand back in his, "I think you need that closure. You lost your dad in the worst way possible and your mom lost her husband. She didn't handle things right but I think you should talk about it."

Colt takes a deep breath when we realizes I'm not answering him. He looks like he believes I'm about to run off and never come back. I guess he isn't wrong for thinking that way since I have left before.

"Maybe just try." Colt's voice is barely louder than a whisper and I know he is passionate about this. He wants to make my world bright and new like it used to be.

He wants to scare away all my monsters and find the girl who used to laugh at his stupid jokes. The girl who spent all her time reading and imagining new worlds. He wants the River that would run from the cops and not think about consequences.

And I don't think that's a bad thing. I was happier back when we first got together. I still believed that things could work out and that the world wasn't really that cruel. Colt has seem me at my best and at my worst and he is trying his hardest to get me back to the best version of myself.

I want that too. I want to laugh and live and breathe easily again. And I want to do that for Luna, Colt, and for myself.

The only way to begin healing is to fix the broken parts of my life and that starts with my mom.

***
I knock on my mom's front door and strain to hear any sort of movement inside the house. It's hard to hear anything over my frantic heartbeat. I wish I wasn't nervous to see my own mother.

Finally, the door swings open and my mom stands there with graying hair and deep wrinkles. I want to wrap her up in a hug and smack her across the face. I want to cry and yell. Instead I do nothing.

"River, what are you doing here?" She doesn't sound angry, simply curious.

"I think we need to talk," I say and let myself into the house. I make myself somewhat comfortable on the old stained sofa and I wait for her to do the same.

Mom finally settles in across from me and fidgets. I remember the fidgeting started after Dad died. She was constantly twisting her fingers, twirling her hair, tapping her foot. I want to steady her hand but I'm not ready to get that close to her yet.

"I'm sorry," I say. Mom's eyes widen in surprise as my own apology.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Vi," she says shaking her head.

I sigh, "I don't think either of us are completely innocent."

She nods, "I'm sorry too."

"I didn't mean to check out after Dad died. I was so lost and so so sad. A sadness that I've never felt before, it was deep and heavy. I felt like I was carrying your father around on my back with nowhere to escape."

Mom continues after wiping a few stray tears, "it isn't an excuse, River. I screwed up. I left you alone when you were just as lost and sad as I was. But I couldn't see it, you know? I couldn't see through the fog."

"I understand," I say. "I did need you but I also pushed you and everyone else away. I wanted to figure out how to move on on my own, which turned out to be so much worse."

Mom moves closer to me on the couch and hesitantly takes my hand. Her hand is paper thin and so unlike the hand I used to hold as a child.

"And then when I saw you with your daughter I lost it. I couldn't believe we got this far. Far enough where you wouldn't even tell me about my granddaughter. I think that's what made me realize that we will never fix this without putting in any effort."

"You didn't seem like you wanted to try, you never came to see me," I say and allow my tears to fall freely. I want to go back and erase all the time we spent apart.

I can see what it would have been like if we had been there for each other. Maybe the loss of Dad wouldn't have destroyed us if we let ourselves heal together. We can't go back but we can move forward.

Mom smiles half heartedly, "I needed you to come to me. It was a cowardly thing to do but I just couldn't handle your rejection."

I nod and don't say anything because I understand. I understand that I was so nervous standing outside of this house because my mom could have easily slammed the door in my fact and told me to never return. I took a risk only knowing that I had Colt and Luna to fall back on if I needed support.

Mom only has me and for years she had no one.

We still have so much more to work on and even more to discuss but for right now it's enough. I can feel a weight being lifted off of both of our shoulders and I can see Dad's smile in the clouds.

We are finally picking up the pieces from the mess Dad created.