River & Colt [Completed]

25. Before

Unedited

**TWO PART CHAPTER. POV SWITCHES HALF WAY THROUGH.**

Chapter 25- Before

25. Twenty

Colt

I never thought I'd become the guy who sits at home pining over some girl her can't have. I never thought I'd fall apart over some girl I met in high school and still can't seem to get over. I never thought I'd be the guy who threw his future away and decided it was easier to not have any dreams.

I never thought I'd become someone who can barely stand to look at themselves in the mirror.

"Colt, you have to get to the shop," Kenzie says from my bedroom door. I feel like shit. I have a headache and my stomach is turning just thinking about leaving my room. I want to hide from the world in my closet sized sanctuary and not think about River.

But sitting here lets my mind spiral into a world of what ifs. What if I stayed and fought harder? What if I never hurt my shoulder? What if I helped instead of pushed?

What if

What if

What if.

Instead of letting my thoughts continue to consume me i get up and throw on the closest t-shirt I can find, dirty jeans, and head to the shop. Hopefully working silently on cars with help ease my never-ending thoughts.

"Finally," Kenzie says packing her bag so she can head to school. I don't bother answering her because there is really nothing to say.

I feel like I've been living under water ever since I walked away from Vi. It's like I can hear and see things but it's muffled and it all burns like salt water.

River doesn't want me. We don't work and that is something that I have to get through my mind. It will never happen again.

I will never play baseball again.

I will never be with River again.

I will never be more than a mechanic.

And it's all my fault. I didn't try hard enough. Everything was handed to me on a silver fucking platter and I never thought about anything else. I felt as if I deserved the best because that's what I've always been told. It wasn't until River came into my life that I saw things differently.

She's changed my perspective and I don't know if I should hate her or love her for it.

River

Twenty

My birthday passes in a blur. I pretend to smile and eat a supermarket cake with my roommates. I pretend to take a shot of amber liquid and I pretend I'm having a good time at this dingy bar.

I sit on a stool and play with the stem of a cherry. I've eaten about a dozen and have ignored my friend's requests to dance.

"What's going on?" the bartender asks placing a cup full of cherries in front of me. I eat one and stare at him. He kind of reminds me of Colt with his warm blue eyes and dimpled smile. I try to shake away his memory.

"I'm pregnant," I tell him because he doesn't know me and he never will. His eyes widen a bit and look out towards my drunk friends.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I shake my head and will the tears not to fall. The last think I need is to think about sitting on the bathroom sink counting minutes while I waited for a plastic stick to tell me my fate. It was just a week ago that I found out and I still haven't truly admitted it to myself.

"I failed. I proved my mom right. I proved everyone in that fucking town right," I say and am not sure if the bartender is even listening.

He looks over towards the other bartender and says something I can't understand.

"Wanna take a walk?" he asks.

I shake my head. I'm not going on a walk with a complete stranger. He smiles, "just outside then?"

I decide to follow because at this point my life can't really get any worse. My friends eye my jealously. They're assuming I'm taking this guy home when that is the furthest thing from happening.

"Does the father know?" he asks.

I shake my head, "he's going through a lot right now."

"So you're not going to tell him?" I can tell this guy is judging me. I don't even know his name and he is judging me like he's known me his whole life.

I throw my hands up in the air, "I just don't know. Okay? I just don't know."

"Hey, it's okay not to know. You do what you have to do and don't let anyone call you a failure. Prove them wrong"

We stand in silence. I let his words sink in. It's different hearing it from someone who doesn't really know me. Someone who doesn't know me as the girl whose father killed himself. It's refreshing and terrifying.

It makes me want to run to Colt and tell him we can prove them all wrong. We can have this baby and have a life that my parents weren't able to give me. We can do it.

But then the darkness settles back over me and I can't seem to find my way through again. I sit in the silence and just hope that I'm making the right decision. 

***

I know I've been the worst with updating this story. Thank you all so much for sticking with me <3

One more chapter and we're done :) Hopefully I'll have it ready for you this week!

-Brooke