River & Colt [Completed]

23. Before

Unedited
23. Nineteen

River

I was lonely surrounded by people. I've heard this type of saying from songs and books but I've never actually felt it. It is a feeling so deep within my bones and soul that it's become hard to paste on a smile and head out my door.

New York City is a place where dreams are made and broken. A place where too many people crowd into a bar just to pretend to be someone else for a change. And I wanted that. At first I wanted a chance to escape from my life and from myself. I thought if I could get out of that town I'd be someone new. Someone better.

Instead I'm the same old River just in a new unfamiliar setting. I've made friends and learned how to fake it but it's getting harder and harder.

I needed a change but maybe my change shouldn't have included Colt. Maybe he should have been the one part that stayed the same. Maybe if he was here I wouldn't feel so alone.

My roommate was getting ready for another late night out and some over-crowded and over-priced bar. She asked multiple times throughout the day if I wanted to come but I declined every time. Sadie was nice enough with kind blue eyes and a smile that never seemed to falter.

But we weren't friends. We were simply roommates. She never asked why I didn't want to go out and enjoy the city. And I didn't offer any sort of explanation. We coexisted in a way that made me feel safe and that was enough for now.

After the door closed behind Sadie I was alone in the tiny apartment again. I turned the TV on and put on a pot of water for mac and cheese. I figured I'd spend the night watching reruns of bad TV and trying to talk myself in and out of calling Colt.

I wanted to know how he was feeling about his injury. I wanted to make sure he wasn't giving up. I wanted him to know I was there for him.

The knock on the door made my heart hammer in my chest. I didn't get visitors and Sadie was out with mostly everyone that would stop by. I cautiously walked towards the door and peaked through the peep-hole after checking to make sure the door was still locked.

I was still getting used to the craziness of New York City and how sometimes you can never be too cautious.

Bright blue eyes that I know so well stared back at me through the hole. I opened the door so quickly I'm surprised it didn't fall off the hinges. I fell right into to Colt's arms and felt as if I never left them.

"Hey," he said softly against my hair. I breathed in his familiar scent and didn't say anything. There was nothing I could say to truly express how I was feeling.

He pulled away from me and I could see the hurt still in his eyes and I wanted to make it all go away. So I kissed him.

Colt hesitated at first. I don't know if he was thinking about pulling away and demanding that we actually discuss what happened. I almost pulled away too but then he kissed me back.

Our lips fitting so well together it was as if we two melodies creating the perfect song. I wanted him closer and closer until we couldn't tell where he ended and I began. I wanted him.

I led us towards my bedroom and we didn't stop. Soon our clothes were littered on the floor and soon he was inside but still not close enough. We were breathing heavily and I couldn't look away from him.

"I love you," he said as we came off of our high. We were both glistening with sweat the sheets tangled around our legs.

My mouth wanted to form the words so badly. I just couldn't say it. I've said it to him so many times before. We whispered it in each other's ears, we texted it, we screamed it. It's been so long since I said those three little words and all of a sudden it felt too suffocating.

Every emotion I was running from was back and in full force. I just couldn't explain any of that to him. I just watched as he broke apart under my gaze and before I knew it he was getting dressed and leaving just as quickly as he came.

***

So sorry for the long delay on this chapter.

I suffered a terrible case of writer's block and finally got through it!

I hope you like this chapter and thanks so much for sticking with me.

-Brooke <3