Chapter 21

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      The leaves crunched underfoot as Jeff and I left the town for the quiet sanctuary of the forest. On the way back from the kill, Jeff began talking again.
      "You're a natural, you know that?" He exclaimed, walking with a little more energy in his step. "I'm glad you joined us." He mumbled, staying next to me.
      "I am too." I replied simply, still glowing from the recent success and a sense of power. He laughed lightly and his hand playfully connected with my shoulder.
      "You are absolutely crazy!" He laughed. "I like you kid." He muttered jokingly but his voice dropped like he was becoming serious.
      That tone broke through my haze. I focused on Jeff as he stopped and turned to face me. I stopped too, curious as to what he was doing.
      "Thanks... for telling me you couldn't read." He told me, voice calm with seriousness. "I know it was probably embarrassing for you, but I'm glad you trusted me with it." He mumbled, searching for words. Some guilt ran through my mind. What I said was the truth, but it wasn't everything. He still didn't know I was blind, and that felt wrong in a way. He seemed to trust me... and though I trusted him, I still didn't feel ready to show any more vulnerability. Today was a good step in the right direction though.
      "Yeah, no problem." I replied before starting to walk forward. I stopped abruptly as I felt his mood shift to something I didn't recognize. I swung back to face him, trying to read his change in attitude. He was exhibiting an emotion I didn't know...
      "I just want you to know..." He mumbled, foot kicking the dirt. "I want you to know I like you, okay?" He said, smile in his voice but completely honest. What was he saying? I considered us friends, that's what he meant... right? He liked me as a friend? Right?
      I was so busy contemplating his words I didn't sense the shift in the air. Before I knew it, thin fingers had gripped the bottom of my mask and were pushing it up. I felt the comforting weight of the mask lift from my chin, exposing it to the wind. I panicked, conscious only of the fact that I wanted to keep my face hidden. Before I could react, I felt the strange sensation of something warm pressed against my lips.
      A hiss ripped from my throat as I knocked him away forcibly. I quickly jerked back and pulled the mask back down, ending all contact. The darkness around us leaped up in response to my emotions but I quickly forced it back down, keeping my breathing steady. What just happened? What was that? I don't understand, I don't know how to respond. I think I liked the warmth... the sensation... but I don't know! Why'd he have to touch my mask! Why had he been touching me?
      I focused on Jeff's mind, which had fallen into a blend of rejection, unhappiness, and anger.
      "Your lip is cut." He mumbled dejectedly. I already knew that. I had scars everywhere, not just my mouth. His comment was more than a little displaced considering what had just happened. I was still reeling from his actions.
      "What the hell, Jeff?!" I practically yelled, still a good distance from him.
      "Why don't you trust me?" He asked miserably, taking a few steps towards me. I quickly remade that distance by stumbling backwards and away from him. His mind sank further into a hurricane of depression, anger rising. "Why don't you like me..." He muttered loudly, expecting an answer as he simmered.
      I felt guilty again. Why was I so bad at this? I wanted to like him, to trust him... but it was so freaking hard. Why was I so bad at being social – being normal? Everything in me screamed against anyone's touch or attention. It was reflex now. I rejected everything that was foreign. The unknown was a vulnerability I couldn't accept.
      "Why, ______? Why can't you trust me?" Jeff asked, voice edging into something desperate and aggressive. "Once you take off that mask, you'll feel better. I promise!"
      "Jeff-" I muttered, taking a step toward him. "I'm sorry..." I mumbled, sensing my words weren't doing anything.
      I strode forward and reached out tentatively, finding his hands and embracing them in my own. "Jeff, It's not you..." I started, feeling at a loss. I did like him, I really did. I spent nearly all my time near him, so why was it so hard to talk to him?
      "I need you to understand..." I started again, searching for the correct words. "You said you knew I had a tough past, right?" I asked expectantly.
      "Yeah..." he muttered, mind cooling as he listened to me.
      "Well, it's true." I told him. "I haven't willingly spent time with anyone since I was... ten years old." I whispered, voice dimming as I reluctantly recalled my past. "I'm not used to this. I'm not used to liking someone." I told him, conscious I was exposing a lot with this information.
      "Hell, I'm not even used to people seeing my face!" I said a little louder, though still in a hushed voice. "You're the first person I've wanted to be with in a very long time." I told him, smiling slightly. "I'm sorry that I have walls – that I don't trust quickly." I mumbled. "Just know that... I'm trying, okay?" I told him, running my hands lightly up his arms to his shoulders. I wish I could read his expression.
      "________." He muttered my name, a smile growing in his voice. His arms hesitantly reached out and encircled my waist and shoulders. I froze at the contact but did not shake out of it. "I know... I know you're trying." He mumbled into my shoulder, his head bent forward. "You can trust me." He whispered into the fabric on my shoulder, warm breath ghosting through the cloth. "Let's get home." He stated with a calm mind before detaching himself from me and starting an easy pace deeper into the woods.




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Lil-magpie
Deviant Art

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