Just This Once (COMPLETED)

Kabanata 55

#JustThisOnce

Kabanata 55

Nang makarating sa ibang myembro ng pamilya iyong nangyari, hindi na ako nagulat nang makita ko si Beatrice sa bahay. Although she already promised to stay out of our business, I knew that this one, she couldn't resist.

She just wouldn't be able to.

"No," she said.

Maven was in his study. Bukas na iyong simula ng BAR exam niya. I tried my best to stay out of his way. I had already messed up a lot of things. Ayoko na masama iyong exam niya sa listahan.

"Beatrice, please. Pagod ako," I told her. I had been up all night. Kahit ano'ng gawin ko, hindi ko magawang maka-tulog. My thoughts kept me awake. All the what ifs stole my sleep.

Sinubukan ko na umalis, pero hinawakan niya ako sa braso.

"No annulment, Genesis. You can't leave my son! And Jeremiah! Maawa ka naman sa bata!"

I tried to get her away from me. Hindi ko na nga maisip 'yun! Hindi na nga gumagana iyong isip ko! Every day, my mind would try to think, but I just ended up with nothing. Kasi kahit ano naman 'yung gawin ko, may masasaktan. Wala namang tamang desisyon sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko.

There's just no winning this life.

And the fucking problem with me is that I couldn't choose.

I just couldn't.

Kasi alam ko na may masasaktan. At ayokong may masaktan. Iyon ang problema ko. Kung sana ako lang, e...

"You're his mother!" she continued.

I harshly removed her grasp from me. "Then you should've thought of that bago mo ginawa 'yung ginawa mo kay Abby!" I shouted. "It's all your fault! Ikaw naman 'yung dahilan kung bakit nagkakilala kami ni Maven, e! You asked for this! 'Di ba ayaw mo rin kay Abby dati kasi kagaya ko siya? You fucking wanted to remove her from Maven's life to the point na nabaril 'yung sarili mong anak!"

My chest was heaving, but I badly wanted to get this off my chest.

"Why? Is being poor a sin? Ginusto ba namin na ipanganak ng ganon? Kasalanan ba namin? Sisihin mo 'yang anak mo na mahilig magkagusto sa mahirap!" sigaw ko sa kanya. "Lahat ng kagagahan mo, ako na lang ginagawa mong dahilan! Na-comatose si Abby dahil sa kagagahan mo! Pina-nganak si Jere habang comatose iyong nanay niya! My God, Beatrice! Wala bang hangganan 'yang kasamaan mo?! Tao ka pa ba?!"

Her lips parted. She didn't expect this outburst from me. I kept it all in. But I couldn't anymore. Not when she's telling me that again, everything's my fault.

"You wanted me to claim Jeremiah as my son? Sige lang! Kahit nagtataka 'yung mga tao kung bakit parang ang laki na niya para sa edad niya, sige lang. Mahal ko na 'yung bata, e. Pero ngayon? Pati si Parker na wala naman akong magawa sa desisyon, ako pa rin may kasalanan?! Bakit 'di mo na lang pakasalan 'yung anak mo?! Tutal wala namang good enough para sa 'yo, 'di ba?! Magaling ka, e!"

Tahimik pa rin siya.

"This marriage was bound to fail from the very beginning. You of all people should know that. Kahit walang Parker ngayon, alam mo na maghihiwalay kami ni Maven. Kaya 'wag mo akong artehan ngayon, please lang. Pikon na pikon na ako."

Tinitignan ko siya at hinintay na magsalita siya. I just wanted her to understand. To at least listen to me. Because she never did. Sa paningin niya, wala akong nagawang tama. Kahit ginawa ko lang naman lahat para sa kanya, sa pamilya niya, kay Parker.

"What about Jeremiah?" she asked.

"I love Jeremiah, alam mo 'yan."

"Are you going to annul the marriage?"