Plastic Taste || Joji Miller

Chapter 17

It's been a few months as Max left, and no words from the boys. Every time I think of them my heart drops.

My dad contacts me less. Busy as always.

Vincent found himself a girlfriend, and I'm happy. She's really nice. Her name is Dasha.

I've been looking at the guys instagrams, youtubes, and they are really big. No matter I'm in the shadow...

My depression, has been madly increasing, I'm not eating as much, not talking, literally, I just lay in bed, all day. No doctors helped me. They don't understand.

I wanna start fresh. But no people to start it with. I still madly love Joji. But he doesn't probably. I have been trying to let go. But it's impossible. Every time I try letting go, I remember him, his laugh, his smile. And then again I'm wrapped on him.

I have tried contacting Max, Ian, Chad... All of them don't answer. They probably think that I'm a fan, and don't reply.

It doesn't hurt me when they don't reply. It hurts me, that they don't try to contact me. Maybe they started this bubble of depression or It's just me.

People have been trying to help me. I push them away a lot of times. If anything happens to me, they would feel less pain.

Yes, I have tried cutting and I have deep scars but I gave it up. It helped for a while, but then it stopped helping.

I have tried many things. Alcohol, dates and stuff, but nothing works.. I have no friends. Vincent, is busy. Mom is working.

I really want to go back to my home.

//::/

I walked down stairs. Basically, I don't eat a lot, so I am skinny, really skinny. I don't know If it's good or bad...

I made myself some cereal, sitting on the counter, I heard my phone ring. Unusual.

I run up the stairs.

"Hello?" I said.

"Yes.. Hello is this Rain?"

"Yes it is. Who am I speaking to?"

"This is Perth's GrownUp hospital." (sorry I created that.)

My heart dropped. What the actual fuck. Max? Wtf who got hurt.

"Yes.?"

"We have some bad news.."

"Tell me." I was shaking.

"You're father... Passed away.. A few hours ago... From his cancer..."

My jaw dropped. "Can you call my mom? I need some times."

I ended the call and threw the phone as hard as I could at the wall.

I was shaking. I don't understand what is happening. It's not true. It's a dream. I kept repeating. I was screaming, I was sobbing. Kicking things.

I yelled " why didn't you tell me!!"

I broke things, my room is a mess. I kept screaming. I ran down the stairs, into the backyard. Fell to the ground. Screaming. Why why why many times.

I heard the door opening, and a person running in.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" I screamed.

"Honey it's me." Mom spoke.

"DON'T TOUCH ME! YOU KNEW!!! YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING! FUCK U." I kept screaming, my voice full of pain.

I kept whispering "I can't do this. I can't."

I was shaking...

"Rain! What happened?" Vincent walked in.

My legs were like jello, but I still ran to him, sobbing.

"Help me..." I said.

///://---//

I woke up. Hoping it was a dream. But it wasn't, I was laying in Vincent room.

I sat up. Many thoughts running threw my mind. How, did I brush this off. It's my fault isn't it? I didn't notice.

I stood up, and walked down stairs.

I saw my mom standing in the kitchen, walked to her, wrapped my arms around her, and apologized.

"It's okay.. how are you feeling?"

"Like my whole life is falling down again. Just this time, it's done." I said.

"Oh honey...." she hugged me. I was numb.

"The flight to Perth.. um... it's tomorrow morning. We all going to fly."

I nod. With fear and pain..

//:::///

I'll be updating very soon! Maybe today or tomorrow don't know yet! Ily guys..