Third Degree

chapter thirty-four.

Thalia's POV

It's been two days since it happened. Nate's devastated, and I can't even find a single ounce of energy to cry, much less get out of bed.

I need to break it off with Nate. For his sake. I can't put him through this kind of bull shit. He has done so damn much for Theo and I. Things he never even had to do. 

It's all jumbling in my head so quickly, it's too much for me.

I don't love him the way he loves me. He's done so much for me, but I can't change the fact that Grayson will always be my love.

In an attempt to make sense of it all to myself, I started to think about what Nate has done for me.

He moved to a completely different city to help me with something I could've easily had Grayson help me with. Grayson could've gone to the university I went to. But Nate is the reason I went to college and got everything done. He was my support system and my motivator. He started being a long haul trucker and gave up on his own dreams. For me. For Theo.

And it all made sense. Well, it began to. 

I didn't love him how I thought, or how he thought. I loved him for what he did for me. I was so thankful for what he had done and loved him as a brother, but it was all mistaken for something I had been missing. He had replaced Grayson. But no one can really replace Grayson, and that's why I'm here, realizing how pathetic and stupid I've been.

I get up off the bed and start to pace slowly.

I hear running up the stairs and the door opens and Nate's eyes are wide.

"Y-you're finally up?" He asks, his eyes clouding with emotion and my eyes fill with tears as I nod.

"We..." I clear my throat, "We need to talk." 

His reaction surprises me.

"I know... Let me drop Theo off with Lisa and we can talk, yeah?" I nod and look away. I can't stand to look at him, knowing what I'm about to do.

An hour later, he's back and I'm pacing the room again.

"So..." He sets his keys down and I bite my lip.

"I don't know where to start." I admit. He nods, almost making me think he already knows every world I'm going to say.

"That's fine, you can start anywhere." He fiddles with his hands. We can't seem to look each other in the eye.

"I'm sorry." I blurt out and sniffle. It hasn't even been two minutes and I'm already breaking down.

"For what?" He asks, clearly confused. Maybe he has no clue what I'm talking about... That only makes things worse.

"Everything, from making you become a long haul trucker to taking care of a child that isn't yours, as well as not being able to birth two children." By the end of my short burst, I was bawling. Nate looks taken aback as he processes what I've said.

"Baby..." I visibly flinch at the term of endearment... He loves me. "You didn't make me do anything, I did it by my own will." He gently sets his hands on my shoulders and sighs. "The babies weren't your fault either. Things happen, and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like it was your fault."

"Th-there's more." I sob as I pull away from his touch. His touch hurts.

"Go on," He tries to smile, although his voice is strained, giving away his true feelings. I can't save him from the pain. 

 "I... I don't love you the way you love me." Tears continue to run down my cheeks and even down my neck. I could see his heart shatter through his eyes, and it ripped me apart. "I just... I know you've put yourself through so much for me and for Theo, and it isn't fair to you for me to continue this..."

"Is there a reason...?" He sniffles, his eyes rimmed with red. I really hope he understands... I can't even lessen the blow for him...

"I still love Grayson."

Nate lost it. He broke down and cried. I had never seen him cry like this and it broke me. His skin turned blotchy while his voice became thick and broken. He was reduced to a weeping child.

He began to ramble about not knowing what he did wrong, and I could only tell him that it wasn't his fault.

He decided he would move out and encouraged me to try and fix things with Grayson. 

He promised me he'd still be there for me, he wanted to go back to being best friends. I agreed, but I wanted him to heal before we spoke again.

He agreed and quickly packed most of his belongings within the day and left.

How will this affect Theo?