Nico
"Bullshit."
"No," Percy told me, dead serious. "It's why I got kicked out of my last school. Kids found out. Kids didn't like it. I stuck up for myself, and the school board didn't like it. They thought it was an unnecessary act of violence, and I was expelled. I still get shit messages from kids I went to school with in 8th grade about it. I'm going to be a senior in September. That's 4 years ago. I'm going through college like that. If I get accepted. With my grades, my GPA, and my ACT score, it'll be a miracle if anyone even considered an application from me."
"And how do you know Goode would be the same?"
"Because, Nico," he was getting more frustrated as he went along. "That's how high school works. That's how the mortal world works. Everyone says they don't care. But every gay couple I've ever seen had been bothered at least once for the fact that they're gay. For the fact that they have the nerve to be together in public. People act like they're supportive. But they're not. They never are. Because that's just how life is. It sucks and you die."
And for some reason I had a feeling that, after he said that, that Percy didn't exactly have a dream worthy childhood.
Percy sat down on the couch, and started to scratch at his forearm. And his nails are long enough to scratch, mind you.
I didn't think about it, focused of what we were talking about.
"Well you know what." I told the son of Poseidon as I sat down next to him. "If you're so terrified of this, Percy, I'll walk into that school with a pride shirt on. If they don't mess with me, they won't touch you. Who even told you that life is shit anyways? It doesn't have to be. The worst of it is over. Camp is over. High school is almost done."
Percy sighed.
"I don't know," he told me. "Everyone? My mom never seemed happy until Paul came along. The gods treat us like shit. My mom's ex husband wasn't a very positive dude. Kids at school have always hated me. Grover is the only friend from school that I've kept for longer than the school year and summer. It's... I don't want to be afraid to talk about myself. I don't want to blame myself for everything that goes wrong. But I do. And it's not as easy said as done to say just not to do it. To not feel like that. To not blame myself and to not automatically assume the worst about everything. Even when I know nothing bad is bound to happen, such as you or Bianca finding out about this, I still think that you guys will freak out and hate me. That's why I was so good as a leader. Because the worst always happened and that's always what I planned for. The worst."
I figured arguing about this wouldn't get us far. So I just gave him a hug. This was more than just him being bisexual. This was an actual psychological problem he has. Because if he's that bad about being bi, which isn't a big deal to those who know, gods know the things he's willing to take with to the grave. Things that normally anyone wouldn't want to talk about.
I'm talking about things like your depression or anxiety. Problems you had a kid. If he was abused, if he was ever neglected, or anything if that sorts ever happened?
I don't think anyone would ever find out. Not even his mom, assuming she wouldn't know.
He relaxed slightly when I hugged him and leaned into the hug. Neither of us got much sleep last night, either. So that wasn't helping us out.
It was quiet for a couple minutes. He calmed down and I thought all of this through. Imagined all of the shit that nobody knows about. Assuming this was only scratching the surface, at least.
"Percy," I said after a minute or two. "Have you ever gone to therapy?"
He shook his head.
"No," he told me. "We couldn't afford it, and once we could, I was never home. Camp always had something for me. Do you think I would really need to?"
"Honestly?" I responded. "Probably, yeah. What you're telling me sounds like it's more than just not being straight. Like I don't know... Something that's been balled up since you were younger. Probably before you could ever even consider being bi. Before you probably even knew what that meant. Like a trauma thing maybe? I don't know."
"Trauma?"
"Yeah," I went on. "You know, bad experiences that affect you a lot in the long run. If you've ever been checked for your mental health, you'd probably had of been diagnosed or been told about PTSD, though. It had a lot to do with trauma. A lot of veterans have it. But aside war, the most obvious of things would probably be abuse or neglect if you're alive, or like watching someone die when you're really little. Which I wouldn't..."
"Oh."
Now, normally I would categorize that as he just understood what I said. But the tone st which it was said anticipated that he actually realize something. That he knew what I was talking about and that it clicked with something else.
"What?" I asked.
"I didn't think that had anything to do with trauma." Percy explained. "Wouldn't everyone at camp have it then, though?"
I was thinking of the death part. Not the neglect and abuse. Which is what he was talking about.
"Well, not yet. Maybe one day. The death is still fresh, I guess."
"No!" The son of Poseidon remarked. "I mean, maybe not everyone. But Thalia, you guys, maybe Annabeth and a few others. With more powerful scents. The abuse and neglect thing. Wouldn't that be normal for demigods?"
I shook my head, surprised that he'd get that out of it.
"No," I assured him. "Were half mortal, Percy. We have a mortal parent. Trauma doesn't come in unless they die. I don't remember my mom's death. I didn't get trauma. Leo does, he had to go through that. He's starting to get over it now. He remembers everything about his mom's death. Thalia might've had a little trauma to deal with because of Jason. Jason had his own family at Camp Jupiter, he's perfectly fine in aspect to that. Annabeth and Clarisse, I don't know. Bianca never had much trauma from what I could tell. I don't really know Tyson, so I can't say anything about him."
I paused.
"So no, why would you think that'd be normal for them?"
"I..." He came to a loss of words after not too long. "Because. My mom married an asshole so monsters wouldn't kill me. I thought everyone had to do that. Annabeth made her step mom sound like an asshole. Thalia ran away. I've never heard about Clarisse family. But she goes home sometimes. Jason never knew their Mom. Tyson's mom died giving birth. And you guys... I suppose Hades was allowed to be around and raise you guys until your mom died..."
He came to a conclusion.
"So it's not a demigod thing." Percy stated. "I actually have problems."
