Percy
I never thought the thing that would break me was school.
And not the school or the homework in itself. But the kids in the school.
We went back to school in December and it went fine before Christmas and getting back from that was fine. Nico and Bianca were in a different school now this semester so that was weird. But it'd happen anyways. .
When Nico and Bianca left, suddenly kids found another thing they didn't like about me. Which, I thought they wouldn't. But Nico was gone and they could be open about it.
They hated our relationship. I was hoping to go the rest of the year okay. That I wouldn't have an impulse to kill myself. I had been doing pretty good.
But today just ruined that entire idea.
The small, stupid stuff, I didn't care. I was used to it. Being called names I could live with.
It was when one of my 'friends' here pinned me down at lunch outside in the courtyard that I just gave up. Gave in. He started to beat the shit out of me.
Normally, I'd turn this around and just bluff so he'd back off. And most people knew that, because there were people saying that this dude was a dumbass for trying to beat on me. I've defended endless numbers of kids in this school from these situations.
But when it... When it comes to myself...
When it comes to myself I have an endless list of reasons of why I deserve it. Of why they should do everything and more.
So I didn't do anything but just let him beat me up and feel all of what little will to live I had leave my body.
Somebody, I think Jacob carried me to the office and reported what happened. They recorded it. He was a small guy, he knew he couldn't stop anything. But the kids who could watched. They laughed. Called me things I've been thinking for years. My thoughts always seemed to be worse, though.
I managed to escape to the bathroom with a bottle of painkillers and my antidepressants that don't seem to do shit.
Jacob
I was terrified both for myself and for Percy at the moment.
Eli suddenly turned into a homophobic asshole and what he did to Percy wasn't right. Kids didn't seem to care. Nico isn't here anymore.
But everyone expected Percy to save himself. He always has taken the defense. It should be no different. I recorded because I know how weak and small I am. It'd be proof in case one of them got hurt.
And Percy didn't move. By the time a few swimmers got Eli off Percy, we thought he might've been dead. But he wasn't. He was just too fucking terrified to move or do anything. I don't even know if that's how you'd describe it.
Percy had passed out, the nurse said he'd be fine. So she went to grab her lunch from the lounge and Percy must've sneaked our because he wasn't there when she got back and neither were the school painkillers or his meds.
Me, freaking out, went to look for him.
And I found him in the closest bathroom. He forgot to lock the door. He was bleeding from his arms, cut marks. And he was trying to frantically write something down on paper and e was getting pissed off and worked up and I don't think he's slept in 3 days.
He threw down the pen and paper and grabbed a shit ton of pills, plenty enough to kill someone and the only reason he didn't them was because I physically and literally kicked them out of his hands and pushed everything away with my feet.
I haven't seen anyone this freaked out before, and it scared the shit out of me.
He started to scream at me to go away and to just leave him be. Nobody cared about him anyways. Nobody would miss him. There wasn't any reason to live. Let him be.
He was telling me to leave so he could kill himself.
I had the offices number dialed before I got here because police were here because you know, what Eli did was assault. So when I pressed call they answered right away and heard Percy screaming at me why he thought he should kill himself.
It wasn't thirty seconds later that the police were down here. One of the officers thanked me and said I could wait in the office. They wanted to know what I saw before calling.
Percy
I fell asleep. And sadly, I woke up at home.
Both my parents were there. Susan was climbing on my legs, which is what woke me up.
Mom practically jumped on me when she hugged me, and suddenly I felt like the worst son on the planet.
I've watched what happens to parents after losing kids. How bad it can get.
And I tried to kill myself.
I just felt.... I felt pretty fucking pathetic.
When I realized that my dad had been crying, that also made me feel fucking terrible. Because I always thought of him as selfish and as a terrible dad who could care less about his kids.
But here he was. Worried sick about me because I tried killing myself when neither of them knew that I was that bad.
That was also a pretty shitty way for them to find out that his kids treat me at camp and how kids treat me at school are still totally different. That kids still best me up and call me out and all that shit.
Of course, I was terrified to tell Nico about this. But apparently, I didn't have to. I didn't sleep for that long, I woke up at 1:30. But at 3:10, Nico came flying through my fire escape. And even though he wasn't a hug person, he didn't seem to want to let me go from the one he had me in. And he rambled for 30 seconds and I didn't catch any of it. But he summed it up.
"Oh my gods, Percy," he told me. "Don't you dare ever pull anything like that on me ever again. Okay? When Eli texted me what had happened, I wasn't able to read it until an hour later. At that point, you could've been dead and I wouldn't have known. Your mom texted me when you woke up."
He squeezed me a little tighter.
"Kids are assholes, Percy." My boyfriend went on to tell me. "You have not even a semester left of their bullshit. You've fought Titans and Giants and Gods and you've won Percy. There's no reason that you can't put some asshole in their spot. You'd do it for somebody else in a heart beat."
"Yeah..." I admitted that. "I've always been like that."
"I know," he told me, pulling away from the hug and taking my hands. "And sometimes that's okay. But you should come first to yourself, Percy. Okay? It's not selfish. It's taking care of yourself. And if that means you don't go to Goode and do something else because those kids are just that bad, that's what it means. I didn't think they would've done that, otherwise I would've stuck around for the rest of the year."
He took a breath.
"But you have to take care of yourself," he asked me. "Right?"
I nodded my head, knowing he was right. As badly as I wanted to die, I know I really didn't. Because that's leave my mom and Nico and my actual friends wondering what they did wrong.
And they did absolutely nothing wrong.
He gave me a small kiss which made me... It wasn't a smile. But it made me feel a little better for the moment being.
"I love you,"Nico told me. Which, I think it might've been the first time he said it as it e maybe a quick love you, bye sort of thing.
That made me smile.
"I love you, too."
