Sincerely, Me {A Dear Evan Hansen FF}

{8}

Why did I even go to school today?

Oh. Right.

Evan said see you at school.. so I guess I had to be there.

I sigh, wanting the class to be over. School in general was almost over, but sadly, not the class.

"Yes, Ms. Beck?"

"I was raising my hand to answer."

"I just gave you the problem.." the teacher says, baffled.

"Yes, I am well aware. Can I answer?" Alana asks, growing slightly impatient.

"Uh, yes, yes of course."

"1.357 seconds." She states, bluntly.

The teacher fumbled with the sheet and looked up from the paper at Alana, "That's correct."

Alana smiled and some people gaped at her.

How the fuck does someone know the answer to that in like 2 seconds? She must be an alien. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back in my chair. Looking out the window, I saw the front of the school.. and.. Evan? What the hell?

Why is he sitting outside? Doesn't he have a class to be in? Wait.. is that my.. he's wearing my sweater. How did I not notice this morning?

"Connor, please pay attention when I'm speaking."

I look at the teacher and frown, "Why should I care about what your saying?"

"Mr. Murphy I will send you to the principals office if you don't start behaving." She says, and I slightly cringe at her calling me 'Mr. Murphy'.

And why is she treating me like a kindergartener? I'm not a baby.

I grin, I honestly would love to skip this class. My grin grows into a smirk as I stick my favorite finger up at her. Her face only grows with anger as the class laughs.

"Principals office. Now." She growled.

Grabbing my things I walk to the door but stop, turning around.

"Thanks for sending me out of hell." I smirk, walking away to the principals office.

~~~

"So.. sticking a ..certain finger.. up at your teacher?"

I nodded, grinning. "Yeah, something wrong with that?"

He sighed, shaking his head. "This is the fifth time this week Connor. This week."

I shrugged, "At least not this day."

The old rat sighed, obviously annoyed with my graceful presence. Ha I mean, emo gay druggie presence.

"Connor."

Oh no. He said it in that, I'm-trying-to-help
-you voice. Here we go.

"What?"

"Why don't you just skip this hour, take some time to regain your.. thoughts. It's the weekend tomorrow and you should.. you should get your mind off of things. Please Connor. You can't act like this in school, especially in your senior year."

"Huh? Sorry I zoned out at skip."

"Connor." He sighs.

"Something about enjoying yourself and uh, not acting like this in school? Yeah, great. I get it." I shrug, waving my hand up and down.

"I don't think you do."

"I do. Just let me out." I growl lowly, looking out the window.

I hear him sigh again, "Fine, leave."

I quickly stand, mutter a thanks and walk out of the room.

What did he mean? There's nothing wrong with the way I act in school. Well, nothing wrong that I see. Guess people here don't appreciate my personality. I pout and walk out the school, towards the trees where I saw Evan sitting.

I come up behind him and grin, "Hey."

He squeaks and jumps up, quickly turning around.

"Stop scaring me Connor!" He scolds, shaking slightly.

"Hehe sorry Evan." I grin, shoving hands into my pant pockets.

He pouts and sits back against the tree.

"Awww Evans pouting." I lean down, my face inches from his. His face instantly turned red.

"C-Connor.. uh.. too close.." he squeaks then whispers the last part.

I smirk and look down to his lips. Wanting to kiss him. Really really bad. He was looking at my eyes.

Should I?

"Too close huh?" I whisper, leaning closer.

His blush only expanded, eyes widened. He looked down to my lips.

Should I?

"Y-yeah.. close.." he whispers, staring at my lips.

My hands were pressed over his head, against the tree. My nose touching his. Me, smirking. Him, blushing.

Should I?

"Ah.. okay." I mumble, staring at him who was staring at my lips still.

I should.

I take a breath and lean in, kissing his soft lips. I closed my eyes, holding the kiss for about 3 seconds before realizing he wasn't kissing back.

My eyes went wide and I quickly pull away, backing up.

"I-I'm sorry.. I uh... I don't know.. I got to go.." I mutter, quickly standing up and running away.

What was I thinking?

~~~

He kissed me.

My eyes were wide and I was pushed against the tree. I could hear my heartbeat, thumping in my ears.

He kissed me.

I gingerly touch my lips. The same ones that touched Connor's. Oh my god, he actually kissed me. But he.. he thinks I didn't like it. Cause I didn't kiss back. I didn't say anything. I didn't tell him. I need to fix this.

I have to tell him I don't like guys.

I don't.

I never have.

Never.

I like girls.

Girls.

Not boys.

I shake my head. Connor. He's my friend. Friend. Not my crush. I can't like him. I'm not gay. I don't like guys.

I don- no. I .. I do. Do I?

I sigh and stand up, brushing down my pants and grabbing my back pack. Walking back to my house I frown. Why did he kiss me?

~~~

~Fro