Sincerely, Me {A Dear Evan Hansen FF}

{27}

They were wrong.

I could feel, not a lot but it didn't have to be a lot, to hurt a lot. The pain was horrible. Every time I tried to call out, to tell them to stop, to tell them anything. Anything at all. Nothing. Nothing came out of my mouth.

All I could see was black, but I wasn't floating. It was like I could feel my body, like I was conscious but I clearly wasn't. I could feel the sharp slice of a knife along my leg. I winced and tried to call out to someone. Anyone.

But no one heard.

Nobody came.

~~~

I felt someone shaking my shoulder. Did I fall asleep? Last thing I remember was hugging Connor and telling him Evan would live.

I groaned and mumbled, "5 more minutes."

I heard someone sigh and I felt myself being lifted. I think a conversation was going on but I couldn't hear it, it was like blurred out of my hearing.

Someone was holding me on their back and walking. I yawned and shrugged, wrapping my arms around this person and burying my face into the person's fluffy hair against their neck.

~~~

I sighed. Leave it to Jared to fall asleep right before visiting hours were over.

I silently carried him through the empty hospital halls. I felt him bury his face into my neck and I slightly shivered. His breath against my neck tickled, his hands were holding onto each other over my chest.

This felt wrong. But I mean, he's my best friend so, is this what best friends do? How would I know? It kinda felt like I was cheating on Evan. But we're not kissing so I'm sure it's fine.

His breathing became even and I knew he had fallen back asleep. I smiled and lightly shook my head. I made it back to my car then sighed.

Jared and I both came in separate cars.. how am I gonna get us both home..? Oh, I got an idea.

I grabbed Jared keys that were clipped to his belt, and gently set Jared down in the backseat. I jumped into the drivers seat and started his car, pulling it onto the road.

It took around 15 minutes but I managed to get him to his house. It wasn't far from Evan's. He told where it was a while ago. I parked the car in his driveway and took the keys out, then clipped them back on Jared's belt then picked him up.

I closed the door and walked up to the front door then knocked. Please someone come to the door. Please. Please. Pleas-

"Hello- oh! Um why is Jared on your back?" A shortish looking woman says, opening the door.

"Uh hello, Jared fell asleep at the hospital and I drove him back." I say, trying to give her a nice smile.

She smiled back, "Thank you so much young man! Here, I'll take him."

"You sure?" I ask, looking at her and wondering if she could hold him.

"Oh yes, hon. I'll be fine." She smiles and I shrug.

I hand her Jared and she holds him bridle style as if he weighed nothing.

"Uh, I'll just go now. Bye!" I say and shove my hands into my jacket's pockets.

I spin around and start to walk away. I sighed and continued. Walking down the street towards the main road. My plan was to drive home in Jared's car, drop him off then walk back to the hospital.

Sure, it was dangerous, but I can fend for myself. I'll be fine.

I was walking alongside a road humming a song I knew. I started to bob my head slightly, humming a little louder.

My hands were shoved deep into my pockets, trying to escape the cold. I'm sure my face was already turning red from the cold.

I had been walking for 20 minutes. I was walking slower. I knew I was moving more sluggish than before. My breathing was growing ragged. I was shaking.

I was freezing.

Is this how I was going to die? By the cold?

I shrugged that off, no, not yet. Not until I get to see Evan. Not until I go to New York City. I've always wanted to go there. A life long dream I guess.

When I was younger I guess it would probably be a different reason then now. Now, I heard there was a drug dealer every 5 feet, and, they were cheap. In New York?! Can you believe that? I know I certainly can't. Sounds like heaven to me.

When I was younger it was because of all the buildings. I wanted to see all the tall buildings when I was a kid. Makes me laugh a little at that stupid reason. Who cares about the buildings when there's dealers?

Another 10 minutes had passed and I finally made it to the hospital. I slowly stepped towards my car. My teeth were chattering. My body was spamming me with shivers.

I slowly reached out for my door when a sharp pain raced through my head. I growled and clenched my teeth together. I grabbed the door and swung it open.

I crawled into the drivers seat and slammed the door shut. I quickly turned the car on then turned the heater all the way up.

Leaning back in my seat I sighed, smiling slightly. What even was that? Some kind of headache or something? I shakes my head, whatever.

I look to the center console in between the driver and passenger seats. I opened the small box and saw, sitting at the top was my lighter and pack of cigs.

I smiled and picked them both up, taking a cigarette out and setting the pack down. I lit the cigarette then put the car in drive and pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

Feeling warm inside, I grinned. The cig was resting in my free hand while the other was on the steering wheel.

Who cares anymore? I don't even give a shit if this is hurting my body. It feels way to good.

I smile to myself as I fill my car with smoke.

~~~

~Fro