Boyfriends [Gawsten]

Stage Antics and White Lies

//Awsten's POV//

Houston shows were always a nervous thing. It was our hometown, and it was very likely some people we knew from school would be there. Plus, I felt like everyone expected us to be some giant sellout rock band, which we weren't.

"You're on in ten minutes guys!" Jawn yelled through the dressing room door, all of us tensing up slightly in response.

"Are you guys nervous?" Geoff asked with uncertainty. Otto and I both nodded and sighed.

"Just imagine we aren't in Houston. Imagine that its just Dallas again!" Otto said with forced cheerfulness. I nodded weakly and continued spinning a guitar pick on the table out of anxiety.

"Alright parx, you're on! Good luck!" Alex yelled as I grabbed my guitar, Geoff got his guitar, and Otto grabbed his drumsticks.

"Hello Houston!" I yelled into the mic, looking over the huge crowd with a growing knot in my stomach. The knot turned to butterflies when I felt Geoff's hand on my shoulder.

"How are you tonight?" Geoff asked. He was answered with screaming, which was the usual answer to that question at concerts. After making "small talk" with the crowd for a few moments, we jumped right into Mad All The Time. After that, we played New Wave.

Once New Wave had ended, we were already covered in sweat. I fumbled for my water bottle and managed to somehow pour it all over myself, making the crowd laugh heartily.

"Jesus-" I muttered, looking down at my now even more soaked shirt. Meanwhile, Otto had stood up and was talking to the crowd.

"Don't mind Awsten, he's a klutz. Anyway, what do you wanna hear next?" The crowd responded with mingled screams of different song titles, but one was prominent– Stupid For You.

"Stupid For You?" I scream-asked the crowd. Again, screaming. But I took that as a yes, and so did Geoff and Otto. We started the song, Geoff bouncing up and down as he played guitar.

As the song started, Geoff started leaning against me while he played. He did that a lot, and though I enjoyed it immensely, it was distracting. His back was to mine, and the fabric of our shirts rubbed together as he moved with the song.

"Just double dare me, and I promise now that I'll stay..." I sang softly. Geoff stood up from off my back and leaned into my microphone, our lips would have been touching if the microphone wasn't there. "Its not like you're married, but I still got carried away." Geoff let his guitar rest on his shoulder and reached one arm around my waist, grabbing my ass briefly.

"Hey, tell me what you want me to say!" He sang as he stepped back, looking me in the eyes with a smirk. The crowd sang the next part as I regained my composure.

For the next two songs we played, Royal and a cover of Feeling This by blink-182, I blushed furiously whenever Geoff came anywhere near me. I was rather grateful when our show was up and All Time Low took the stage.

"Good show tonight boys!" Jawn said when we got backstage, clapping us all on the back.

"Thanks Jawn. Um, listen, I'm going to go out for a bit. I need some air." I lied, making up excuses to get out of the concert hall. Otto and Geoff's faces both displayed concern.

"You alright, Awsten?" Geoff asked, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I muttered, coldly shrugging his hand off. I grabbed my jacket and wallet before heading out into the cool night air outside the venue.

The truth was, I was angry. At first, I had no idea why, but then it started to make sense. To Geoff, this was a game. Teasing and making fun, acting like he liked me. And though it was nice, it was hurtful because I wanted it to be real. I realized how selfish that sounded, especially considering that Otto was the only one who even knew I was bi.

With a frustrated huff, I dug in my pockets for a pack of cigarettes. I rarely smoked, so the pack was mostly full. Placing one cigarette in my mouth and lighting it up, I inhaled the toxins and closed my eyes.

"You know they say that there's 42 cancer causing chemicals in one smoke." I heard a familiar voice say.

"Otto, I told you I needed air." I said, not moving the cigarette from between my lips.

"Awsten, talk to him! Jesus Christ, you can't be mad at him when he did exactly what you wanted! How long have you liked him anyway?" Otto asked, his tone loving but firm. I blushed sheepishly. Otto was right, as always. I felt silly as I answered Otto's question.

"Um, since high school." Otto's eyes widened.

"Damn, and you never said anything?" I scuffed my feet against the parking lot ground, realizing how stupid it all was.

"Well, its been getting pretty bad recently. Like, I thought I just wanted to be friends. But I guess I wanted more and just hadn't figured it out until now." Otto shook his head like a disappointed mother and gave me a hug.

"Put that cigarette out, get a smile on your face, and go to the merch table now." He said in the same kind but firm tone. I smiled a little and stomped out my cigarette on the concrete, following Otto to our merch table. Geoff was already there, smiling and greeting fans.

"You alright now, Awsten?" He asked with a cute grin. I paused before responding. Was I really ever going to be alright? Probably not, thanks to the cutest boy in the world, who happened to be standing right in front of me. But of course, I said,

"Yeah, I'm good."