Notes: This gets really sexual. Ngl closest to a smut I've gotten to. Also language and "cheating" Also I don't hate men nor should you and one mans actions do not mean that all men are like that so don't be that person.
Word Count: 1294
What a difficult situation to describe. Did you even have a right to be angry? I mean you could say he cheated but the two of you weren't really dating... you were 'just friends for now' as you always reminded him. But it was just so complicated, I mean, normally you don't screw some one who's a friend. Whatever. Whatever. Whatever. You had dated him before and it was practically a relationship so yeah. You were pissed. Why are men such pigs! Such disgusting creatures only interested if you can pleasure them. Fuck men. And more than anyone: fuck Hiccup.
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After a long trip on (d/n) you were finally descending down onto Berks soft grass. Before you left (about a month ago) you had told Hiccup that when you returned you could be together again. Just like the first time, the perfect, wonderful first time. Filled with lust and without envy. When you knew he was yours and you his and nothing would come between that. Until Hiccup's father died. Then he needed a break and you understood. You knew he needed space and then all at once he was at my door and he was pushing you inside and he was laying you down and making you feel. And then... when the light came through the windows and your eyes opened he was gone. It just wasn't like him. Not at all. For a month he pretended like you didn't exist. When you tried to talk to him he responded in short words with little emotion: with apathy. More time passed and he was back in your head and heart but it wasn't lustful. It was purely platonic and honestly, it was better than not taking at all. He with with some other girl romantically and that hurt and you told him it hurt. And he got mad and he left again. Not just mentally this time but physically too. With her. He returned in a haze and you didn't see him with Astrid anymore. One night you greeted him in the great hall. He let you sit next to him and he rested his head on your shoulder. You didn't speak anymore that night. The next night, he was with someone else, completely ignoring you. A week later he was flirting with you. But by the end of the week he was ignoring you for someone else. You hadn't seen the pattern at that point. And then, he was in your bed again.
What a long story. It hadn't seemed that complicated when it was happening but you had been fooled. Tricked into falling for him over and over again.
But this time he had promised. He gave you his word that you would be his and he would be yours once again. Just like the first time. It would always come back to the first time. That perfect, perfect time. He took you out on Toothless, flew you out to a little cave in the side of a rock pillar. It seemed so magical that he knew that one specifically. He helped you crawl down, Toothless couldn't come in so he rested on the top. You sat with your legs over his and he stroked the inside of your leg. You had kissed him softly at first, a thank you for the date. He kissed you again harder, desperate, and you loved every minute of it. He slid his hand down your leg, and molded you into his lap. You held him. You let him. You loved it. You spent the night in the cave and in the morning you laid together a second time.
You were back. Back on Berk ready to lay with Hiccup you missed every dip of his body, every freckle, every line, and worst of all every word from his mouth. You walked quietly into the house. He hadn't expected you home for another week but your exploit had ended early. You figured you'd give him a good surprise hoping he'd take you on the floor in front of the fire as soon as he realized what had happened. Nothing would have felt better. He knew you as well as you knew him and you both relished in it. You left your shoes out on the porch and opened the door quietly. You were so involved in your fantasy you heard moaning. No. That wasn't from your head but it was in your head. Two voices moaning together. You were stuck between going up stairs and catching him and whoever or leaving again. For real this time. For good. Were you a bitch for going upstairs? Maybe. But did it give you painful pleasure to know you were right? Absolutely. His tongue was down her throat, he was in her Nd she was moaning like she wanted the whole island to know she was screwing the chief, like her moan was a call to all other females that she was his and he was hers. All hers. They were so involved with each other you slammed the door behind you to get them to stop. You could remember loving him. Everything about him. But now, staring at him screwing Astrid in your bed. A rage like something you'd never felt boiled out of you, out of your mouth and eyes in salty tears and words of disgusted animosity. The puzzle pieces slipped from your hands and showed you how he'd used you. Like a block for any emotion, like a distraction from hard times when people he actually cared for left. You had your fit as Astrid got dressed and Hiccup cried back his parts only covered by a pillow. You felt as though your head was going to explode. You wept in front of him and in front of her for no real reason but a lost hope. A lost hope of being with him and loving him and him being yours and you being his. And that was all. Yeah, you were mad, but... you wish it was that easy. If you could just be mad then you wouldn't think of him ever once and a while. On a night when your specifically lonely. When being the queen of dragons isn't enough, and you miss humans, you miss him. Slamming your way out of the house to something better wasn't want you had really wanted, you wanted him and you wanted to kneel on the floor and ask why you hadn't been enough. Why he did it to you. To you specifically.
You are better off.
You are better off.
You are better off.
What would happen if you went back? Would he be married to Astrid? Probably.
Why would you want to ruin what you were for a boy that doesn't want you? You are the queen of the lost islands, queen of the dragons. He had probably moved on. Because, why wouldn't he? He was with the girl he really loved. Not some ugly girl he never really wanted.
Why would you want to ruin what you were for a boy that doesn't want you? Because he was your first love. First kiss. First and foremost, in every way you thought of. He'd taken every first from you and he was every good memory; in your mind the only way to go back was to have him. A nostalgic parasite. Hiccup was your past.
