REVENGE #Wattys2017

Seventeen.

I had avoided driving down this street for 6 years. I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to think about it. I had this stigma that if I saw the house, I'd see the trauma. But, as I walked down the sidewalk, I see the white picket fence that my Dad helped him fix after a storm when I was 10 years old. I see the remanence of my Mother's old garden, where she let me help cut the roses when they bloomed. I saw myself running down the side walk at 6 years old, when my Father came home from Afghanistan after deployment. I hear my Mother's laugh, the first time she ever saw Step Brothers. And I hear my Dad telling me the greatest advice after I lost my first volleyball tournament.

"In life, you're going to mess up. You're going to fail and things will be hard. It's not easy but it's not supposed to be. God doesn't give you everything just because you want it. You have to find the value in your gifts so you have to work for them. You have to fail so winning feels better. Without the bad, you don't have the good. You just gotta get up, brush yourself off, and keep going. Don't give up because of one bad thing." 

I smiled when I opened the door, the house was now empty and dusty. There were spider webs and bugs but it was still my home. I had spent so long scared of it that I didn't think about all the good things that came with it. I loved this place, it held everything that made me who I am, even the bad stuff. 

Then I remembered something important. I ran towards the stair case and ran up, the path to my old bedroom imbedded in my brain. I swung the door open and walked to the window seat. I crouched down and counted out the three pieces of wood from the wall, lifting the piece before I set it to the side. There it was. 

I lifted the red box and set it in my lap, unclasping the lock. I bit my lip and felt the tears begin before I even opened it. Taking a deep breath, I set the lid away from me and picked up the first paper. 

Darling Daughter, 

I know you're upset with me for leaving again. I hope you can understand that this is for the greater good. I trust you and your mother are taking good care of the bakery. I heard you and JT have decided to start dating. I'll be sure to have a good talk with that boy. I'm sure he'll treat you right but remember it's just high school and you can't forget to find yourself. You are a very incredible young lady and I am so proud that you are my daughter. You deserve the world and I hope that if I can't give that to you then you find a man that can. I love you, dear. Always and forever. 

Your best friend forever, 

Dad 

I wiped my eyes before shaking my head. How could I leave this here all these years? My fathers letters? Our photos together? The necklace he had given me when I was young? How could I just let it sit here? This was the last one he sent me before he came home. I was so mad at him for going back overseas. I hated when he did. He made it home by the summer and it was his last deployment. Sometimes I wish he would have stayed. 

I slid my fingers over the aged silver of the diamond necklace he gave me on my 13th birthday. The clasp broke and he promised to take me to get it fixed when I got home from Colorado. There were pictures, lots of them. From when I was young to just before they died. Christmas, Halloween, our Disney World trip and African Safari. It was all here. The pictured memories I needed to see that we were happy. 

I closed the box and picked it up to carry it with me. I went out into each room and sighed, thinking off all the giggles and dance parties we had. The amount of times my Mom would blast Africa by Toto when it was a cleaning day. I smiled at the memories, through all the tears. I could feel them in here. They were with me and I ignored it for so long. 

I had more to do. I needed to find someone. I had things to mend and conversations to have. I had to figure out who I was, before I lost everything and I need to go from there. 

Meet me in the park, our park. 

I sat on the old red picnic table and sighed, looking at the fresh mulch on the playground and smiled. 

"You did it." The husky voice spoke next to me, sliding onto the same bench that I sat on. I nodded, looking over at his brown eyes. The ones that once held my whole world. "How are you doing?" 

"I feel like hell." I told him, truthfully. "When I saw you with Kendall. I was angry, you know? I think it was having my world rocked that made me so upset, not so much the fact that we were over." 

"Yea." JT nodded. "I know. I heard about what happened with Luke and Charlie. Jake told me. I'm really sorry." 

"I don't want to hurt your feelings by saying this. But, things are different with Luke. He gets me and he listens and he makes me feel good. I want to get better for him. He's not my boyfriend, he never was. But, when I saw him with those girls, my heart shattered into a million pieces and I felt it. I could physically feel the pain in my chest. It wasn't emptiness like when my parents died, it was pain that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. I wake up and I think about his face when he came to my door, asking me to forgive him and I shut the door on him." 

"He loves you, Brit. I wouldn't be so upset with him. He really didn't want all of this to happen." 

"But, how could I have given someone that much power over me?" I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "You were all I had. It was comfortable, that's why we stayed together. My parents liked you and I thought we were meant to be. Then Luke came along and he held my heart in his hand." 

"Brit, I loved you. I was so fucking in love with you that I lost myself too. I made some stupid mistakes with you and I will always regret it. But, the only smart thing that I did was let you go. I did, after I saw how much Luke cared for you. When I fought him, he refused to hit me back. He knew you wouldn't like it. When Kendall asked him to go upstairs, he refused because he wanted to go see you. He wouldn't get drunk because he knew you were at home waiting for him. He only cared about you and I'm pretty sure he still does. I was crazy about you, Brit but him, you are his entire world." He shook his head and looked away from me with a scrunched up face. "I let you go because I trusted that he would take care of you." 

"Why did you care so much?" 

"I promised your Dad," he spoke low. "When we went on that trip, he made me promise to make sure you were always safe. I told him I wouldn't let anything happen. I know he meant like a twisted ankle or something skiing related but it was the last thing I ever told him. I wasn't going to let you go off the deep end. That's why I stayed around, making sure he didn't fuck you over. In the best way possible, I didn't want our relationship back. It was tarnished and broken and frankly, going no where. We both needed an out and I didn't want it to happen the way that it did but I don't regret us breaking up." 

"What do I do?" 

"You figure it out for yourself. Don't think about the what ifs or what other people think. What do you want, Brit?" 

And the answer wasn't that I didn't know, it was that I was too stubborn to admit what I wanted and what I needed were the same thing. 

Fuck self discovery, I knew myself enough. I needed to accept the past and if I could face that house and talk it out with JT, then I can move forward. There was just one thing that I had yet to face. 

My first real heartbreak. 

I really love the response to this story and I hope you guys are enjoying. DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT LUKE AND BRIT GUYS, it will all work out. I'm so excited. Love you all! Keep commenting and voting, por favor.