ғʀᴏᴍ ᴘᴏʀᴛʟᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʟ.ᴀ. » ᴅᴀɴɪᴇʟ sᴇᴀᴠᴇʏ

Chapter Twenty-One

Saturday, July 28, 2018

I sit in the middle of the backyard, my eyes trained on the sky. My mind wanders to Portland.

If I were there right now, I would be running along the nearly-empty streets and sidewalks, only passing a few on their way to their early jobs.

Blaire is most likely still asleep. Hal and Kimber are making coffee and breakfast in their cozy kitchen. Asher is playing video games. Liv is swirling paints across a canvas in her room.

The diner is bustling with it's usual morning activity. The old man and his wife that I used to serve every morning of the week are walking in, smiling at one another and everyone they see. They're holding hands, just as much in love with each other as they were years and years ago.

The bookstore will have hired someone new to cover the three to five-thirty shift, someone new to smile at everyone entering the shop with the bell.

The apartment that used to be mine is sitting empty and uninhabited on the third floor of the Levels Complex, waiting for the next occupant.

And then, there's mom.

The three hour difference in time zones means it's about nine a.m. in New York. That undoubtedly means that she's at the hospital- probably in the middle of a surgery- too busy to think about her own daughter, living on the other side of the country.

"Hey, shorty," I hear from behind me. I twist around to see Daniel lowering down to the ground next to me.

"Hi," I say.

"Sleep well?"

The honest answer to that question is no, but I tell him yes anyway. After those thoughts about him last night, sleep was the last thing on my mind.

A long period of comfortable silence rests between us until Daniel speaks up.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks me.

"My mom," I answer, with no hesitation at all. I trust him. He watches me carefully.

"Not in a bad way, though, if that's what you're thinking," I add, glancing at him. "I'm just wondering if she ever... thinks about me. I think about her all the time, but I guess I'll never know if that's the same on both sides."

Daniel hums sadly. He's shaking his head slowly, but I don't look at him.

"You shouldn't even have to wonder about that. You shouldn't have had to grow up without your mom by your side. No one should. I hate that you had to go through it."

"Others go through more pain than I can even imagine," I say.

"There you go again," Daniel says. "You degrade yourself and the life you've lived because your heart goes out to everyone else."

I look down at the grass.

"Yes, I've gone through all of that, but I'm never alone, Daniel. I know that."

I pause for a moment before continuing.

"I've got you," I say slowly, staring out over the city, "Blaire, her parents. And though I don't know them as well yet, I know I've got the boys."

I shake my head slightly.

"I'm never alone," I repeat.

"And you never will be," Daniel says softly. "No matter what your future holds, God will be with you. And so will I."

As the sun rises around us and the world awakens, I realize something for the very first time.

It's been in the back of my mind since I met him, a constant foreboding of the future. I've felt the signs and seen it coming. It was simply inevitable.

I love him.

I am in love with Daniel Seavey.