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Chapter Twenty-Three

Saturday, August 4, 2018

"Come on," I mumble to myself, willing my exhausted brain to keep pushing through the work.

You have to complete, edit, and revise this chapter before going to bed.

I know that if I slack off and go to sleep right now, I won't be able to make myself get up after a whole week of sleepless nights; I'll miss JTB's due date for this chapter which is at six a.m.

I glance at the clock displayed in the corner of my laptop's screen. It's already three in the morning and I'm not even close to finishing. I know what I need to do, but I feel like I'm trudging through thick mud, not getting anywhere.

Taking a deep breath, I rest my forehead against the cool top of the kitchen island and am in danger of falling asleep until the silence enveloping me is interrupted.

"Kai?" I force my eyes open and lift my head. Jack is walking into the room, looking at me.

"Hey."

"You're still working?" he says, concerned, as he opens a cabinet door and grabs a glass.

"Yeah," I say, though it comes out more as a sigh.

He shoots me a worried look and walks over to the fridge to fill the cup with water.

"Do you... need me to go get Daniel or something?" he says over his shoulder. I shift in my seat.

"No, no don't do that," I say. "He shouldn't have to wake up in the middle of the night because of me."

Jack shoots me a look that I don't really understand. He moves from the fridge to the island and leans against the counter on his elbows, opposite me.

"He's done it before, you know," he says. I stare at him blankly.

"Uh... he has?"

He nods once, smiling gently. What is he talking about?

"Is there... something going on between you two?"

I look down, face flaming like it did last night in the pool.

"So, there is," he says, chuckling lightly.

"No... I don't... I don't know. That's not why I'm... blushing. I've just never talked about this kind of stuff with a guy before."

He nods once again, understanding.

"The real question is, do you both like each other?" he says, pushing further into the subject with a small smile. I shake my head at him.

"My feelings aside," I say quietly, "I doubt... he would feel that way about me."

"What?!" Jack exclaims loudly, flinging his hands out at his sides.

I throw him a look that reminds him what time it is.

"Are you kidding me? Have you seen the way he looks at you? Have you noticed the way you two look at each other?! Kai, he cares about you so much—"

"Yeah, but what if that's it? Daniel is the kindest person I've ever met or known in my entire life, but what if our relationship- whatever it is- is just out of kindness? He may not want anything more than that and he's just too nice and polite and simply good to push me away."

I finish my outburst in a rush and steal a glance at Jack to see that his expression is not judgmental. I stare at the keyboard of my laptop for what seems like an eternity.

Jack begins to speak softly, breaking the silence that had clouded over the room.

"Two nights before we flew out as a group to meet you in Portland, we were sitting in the living room when Daniel received a call. He excused himself from the meeting we were having with our manager to answer it... to answer you."

My breath catches in my throat. Two days before they came to Portland was when I broke down over the phone with Daniel.

"The meeting continued without him; he didn't even come back. Our manager left and the boys and I went to look for him, worried. I found him in our bedroom, pacing around. He was gripping his phone in his hand like his life depended on it."

I swallow as I remember that night and everything that Daniel said to me on the phone. He didn't know how to comfort me, that was obvious, but the truth was, in that moment I didn't know how to comfort myself either. What mattered to me was that he stayed on the line until the second I hung up, assuring him I would be alright on my own.

"Now, Daniel's never been an anxious person because he's always said life's too short to worry. But I've never seen him act like he did that night. He wasn't involved in any conversations, his phone was by his side at all times, he kept spacing out, he wasn't smiling, and he had this concerned expression on his face all night long."

I look down at my folded hands.

"The boys and I were worried ourselves, not only about what had happened to you, but also about how Daniel was dealing with it. He never told us why you called or what you talked about because he respects you and we respected that as well. Whatever happened that night... affected Daniel drastically."

Jack pauses for a few seconds.

"He kept telling me that he felt helpless and that it killed him to hear you in pain. He felt tormented, knowing that distance was keeping him from getting to you. I swear that he was seriously considering leaving the house and hopping on a plane to Portland.

"He didn't fall asleep until one in the morning and before that, he had been staring at the ceiling on his bed and obsessively checking to make sure his phone wasn't on vibrate. Four times throughout the course of those early morning hours, I woke up to an alarm on Daniel's phone.

"The first time, I thought it was just an accident and went back to sleep. About an hour later when it happened again, I watched him wake up, stop the alarm, check something on his phone, and then fidget around until he fell asleep again. This was repeated two more times before seven o'clock.

"So when we woke up, he called for another meeting. As we were waiting as a group for our manager to arrive, not knowing that Daniel's intentions for the gathering were to propose that you come stay with us, I asked him why he set those alarms."

I stare into Jack's eyes intently, locked into what he's going to say next.

"He woke up to make sure that you hadn't tried to contact him while he was sleeping. He wanted to be available to help in any way he was able, and he was willing to sacrifice anything for that. Anything for you."

I don't react- I don't know how to- as he stands up straight and picks up his water.

"He cares about you, Kai. More than you know."