ғʀᴏᴍ ᴘᴏʀᴛʟᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʟ.ᴀ. » ᴅᴀɴɪᴇʟ sᴇᴀᴠᴇʏ

Chapter Twenty-Five

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

It's two in the morning and though I know I should be tired, I'm not.

The boys told me about their offer five hours ago and I haven't stopped turning it over and over in my mind since. My thoughts are restless and wild and I can't control them for the life of me.

Get up and do something about it, then.

Making a sudden decision, I throw the covers off of my body and walk over to the small cabinet that contains my clothes in the corner of the room. It's dark and the boys are all asleep so I don't bother to go to the bathroom to change into athletic shorts and a tank top.

The usual feeling of anxiousness rushes through me as I lace up my running shoes, wanting nothing more to get outside and let every worry fall away.

I consider leaving a note for the boys explaining where I am, but decide not to bother since I'll be back before they're awake anyway.

***

I slow to a stop as I reach the top of the hill. I rest my hands on my hips as my lungs burn for air and my chest heaves with fatigue.

Glancing at the watch on my left wrist, I'm surprised to see that I've already been out here for an hour. It sure doesn't feel like it's been that long.

When I run, some sort of passion takes over my entire being and I have the desire to keep going forever and never stop. This kind of exercise makes me feel empowered and full of energy even though it's draining at times.

Alright. Your head has been cleared. What are you going to do?

As I stand looking over the beautiful city of L.A., I realize with an astonishing amount of force that... I want to sing with the boys. I want to go on tour with them.

Really? After an entire lifetime of hiding in the background this is what you want? What about all of the times you sat in the back of the classroom so you wouldn't get called on? What about all of the times you avoided going to social events just because interacting with strangers terrified you? What about all of the times you decided not to post on social media because you didn't want people to judge you? After all of that... you want to give yourself to the world in the most drastic way possible?

A month ago, those thoughts would have without a doubt convinced me to say no.

Now, in this moment, I discover that my heart is saying yes.

Before I met Daniel, confidence in myself and the talents I didn't believe I had wasn't even existent. In the very short time that he was in Portland, he made me believe in myself in a way no one had before. Love and support had always come from Blaire, but I always told myself that she had to say the encouraging things she was saying because we were best friends. Coming from Daniel, someone I had just recently met, meant everything to me.

On my own, I would never accept this offer. I would never record this single. I would never go on tour. I would never do it alone.

But... with the boys by my side, I can.

With Daniel by my side, I will.

***

I step into the cool air conditioned living room of the Why Don't We house, still trying to catch my breath from two hours of activity.

Just as I'm making my way into the kitchen to get some water, the back door slides open quickly and someone who was in the back yard rushes inside.

I jump and gasp, scared out of my wits by the sudden outburst of sound and movement.

Even though it's dark, I immediately know who it is.

"Kai?" Daniel says, obvious relief making it's way into his voice.

I open my mouth to ask why he's down here, but am interrupted by him engulfing me in a hug.

"Goodness, Kai, you can't do that! Where were you?!" he exclaims into my shoulder.

"I- I went out to run and clear my head," I stutter, shaken by his actions.

"You scared me," he says, wrapping his arms around my shoulders even more tightly and pulling me closer to his chest.

Relaxing into his touch, I slide my arms around his waist and rest my head against his chest. In the following moments of silence, I notice that his breathing is irregular and his heart is beating faster than usual.

"You have no idea how relieved I am that you're okay," he mumbles.

I close my eyes as my breath hitches in my throat because of his words. I compose myself and recover before shaking my head at how much he worries about me.

"When I woke about around ten minutes ago, I came down to make sure you were actually sleeping instead of working, but you weren't in your room and then I started looking in every room in the house and then outside and then I kept calling you, but you weren't answering and I re-checked everywhere and I was starting to panic and was about to wake up the-"

"Daniel," I say softly, interrupting him.

He takes a shaky deep breath before swaying us back and forth gently.

"I'm sorry," he sighs.

"No, I'm sorry. I accidentally forgot my phone and should have come back as soon as I realized, but I just kept going instead. I really do appreciate your care, Daniel, but... I don't want you to worry about me."

He gently rests his cheek on the top of my head.

"Well, you don't take care of yourself properly, so somebody's got to," he replies.

I swear, my heart is going to stop beating.

"When I was out there, I made a decision," I say after a long time.

"Hmm?" Daniel hums.

I pull away from him slightly to look at his face, even though I can't technically see it.

"My answer is yes," I say with a grin. "And I can't wait for tour."