Coming Undone

Chapter 6

Happy Reading! -DJ

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"Hey mom" my voice wavered. I paused gathering my strength before continuing. "I didn't hear you call." 

"Obviously, what's the point in having a phone if you don't answer it when someone calls." I could just see the frown on her face. 

"I'm sorry, I was with Ryan." I said, tracing patterns on the table with my finger. I knew mentioning Ryan would cause her to relax a little bit. If there was one person who liked Ryan more than I did, it was my mother. He's the only boyfriend she's every approved of, hell only friend she's approved of. Growing up I remember she used to always convince me to date him, but I wasn't attracted to him then. It wasn't until our senior year of high school that I finally decided ok, let's give him a chance. 

"That's actually why I'm calling." I stilled, why would she be calling to talk about him? "Why is he calling to tell me about a video about you dancing like a common whore?" My heart stopped. "I raised you better than that Elizabeth! You left for college and all of a sudden you changed your name to "Mila," moved in with two guys, and what know you're shaking your ass on camera like that fansonly or whatever it's called? You should be ashamed!" She sneered. I shrank in my chair. 

"Mom it was just a funny vide-"

"I do not care! Do you know what this could DO to my reputation at the club?! No of course not, because that means you would have to think about other people besides yourself. Which you don't you've only ever thought of yourself, you rude spoiled brat." She spat out. I choked back the tears, clamping my teeth together hard enough that I idly worried about one of them cracking. "Let alone what it could do to RYAN'S reputation! He's trying to get a promotion, and has a real job, unlike that sorry excuse for a place you work for." She snorted. I could hear papers on the other side of the phone being ruffled. "People here know you're together, they can just as easily search for it. I swear if you had half a brain, you would have known better! Putting something like that on the internet, you are stupid." 

"Mom-" I tried to say but she continued to speak over me. I closed my eyes, a few tears spilled out and tracked down my face. I just left them there not bothering to wipe them away. Humilation spiraled in my stomach, and my ribs started closing in. It felt hard to breathe. 

"Let alone that you have gotten fat." She scoffed, "yes, I saw the video." The ice in her tone could've frozen over hell. "I swear you are such a disgrace as a daughter. If your father were here today, what would he think?!" I heard the sound of a heavy object being dropped, "Take that video down now! And if I get another call about your behavior, I will not be happy. Do you hear me, Elizabeth?!" Her voice thick with hatred, hanging up the phone before I could respond. 

I just stayed sitting in the chair, dropping my phone to the table while I tried to process. Tried not to break even while my own heart was breaking. My lungs burned, the weight of my anxiety making it hard to breathe. To think past the mounting panic. I knew in the back of my head somewhere that I was having a panic attack, but I couldn't remember what to do. I felt like I was grasping at straws as my hands fluttered uselessly. 

"Hey! Hey!" Paige dropped into my vision then, her face a mask of worry. "Look at me, focus on me." She gripped my hands tight to her. She started breathing, exaggerating breathing in and out blowing the air in my face. I zeroed in on her, trying to match my breathing to hers. I fought through the rising panic trying like hell to match her. I shuddered out a breath, my heart slowing its frantic pace. "There you go," she said, nodding in encouragement. "Breathe." She continued to breathe with me, until my heart was no longer hammering, and the dull roaring had lifted from my ears. She stood up from the crouch she'd been in. Her purse, keys, and phone on the ground where'd she dropped them on the way to me. I wanted to feel embarrassed, but the fatigue rushed over me. She grabbed me a glass of water, coming to sit down in the chair next to me.