Forced | BTS Kim Seok Jin ☑

27 •••

--- Jin's Point of View ---

On the drive to our house, the car was painfully silent. I didn't know what to say to Ji Su to get an answer out of her, if I asked her anything she would answer with either just a nod or a short phrase. No matter what I tried she refused to spare me a glance or a smile. She looked very uncomfortable to say the least.

I drove slower than usual because I had asked our house maids to prepare our bedroom for Ji Su's arrival. I wanted to be sure the room would be ready by the time we got home. I wanted everything to be perfect. I smiled at myself just thinking about all her possible reactions when she sees our bedroom until I looked over at her and saw her expression.

She looked scared of me. She wore an expression of 'save me' as she stared our the window while clutching onto the seatbelt.

We finally reached our house, I looked over and saw she had fallen asleep. I quietly got out of my seat and walked towards the passenger door. I stood there for a moment, admiring her beautiful sleeping face. Even though she was sleeping, her eyes frowned and her mouth twitched as if she wished to say something. I wanted her to talk, I wanted to hear her voice. I wanted her to tell me what I could do to make it better. For her to confirm that our love is not over.

I just wanted her to say something.

I wanted her to lash out at me in anger, to call me all the horrible things I deserved to be called. I could tell she was bottling it all up, all the hate and disgust she felt for me, instead of letting lose. I don't think I will be able to make any progress until she does.

I contemplated two options: either I wake her before moving her or I just scoop her up and take her in. I didn't want her to be too startled if she woke up as I moved her, but I also knew that if she woke up she would protest and not let me move her. I decided on the latter. I carefully scooped her out of her seat and stood there with her in my arms for a second. Having her so close after having been apart for so long made my heart flutter. I took in her lovely scent, gosh how I missed the way she smelled.

As I held her while cherishing this little moment I realized she  tensed up as I leaned my head closer to hers, I could tell she was holding her breath. She slowly turned to look up at me. I smiled at her warmly as I began walking into the house. Ji Su noticed I had no intention of letting her go, and she turned to look at me with a scared expression.

"Jin what are you doing? .... Please let me go!" She said as she hit my chest weakly. I just kept walking and being as careful as possible with her.

It felt like I was carrying a weightless feather. The most precious feather in the world. My poor Ji Su had become so delicate, she was as light as a butterfly.

"Cant you trust me? Please don't worry! I promise I won't hurt either of you. This is just easier than using the wheelchair, since our bedroom is on the second floor. Please baby calm down. Is this really so hard for you?" I questioned her with sad eyes.

Did she loathe me that much?

She looked away and remained silent. I sighed in frustration. Once again she stayed silent. I couldn't figure her out. I could feel her heart racing and saw her cheeks were flushed rose pink just like when I would kiss her or hold her tight up against me, yet she pushed me away.

We reached the door to our bedroom, I slowly pushed the door open to reveal my surprise to her. As the door opened the aroma of the flowers filled our noses. This made Ji Su look up. I stood at the foot of our bed analyzing her expression.

I slowly followed her eyes as she took in the scenery. I ordered the room to be decorated in her favorite flowers. I wanted my beautiful flower to rest amid a garden of beauty. I wanted her to feel loved, to feel special. I wanted her senses to be pleased as she slept. I hoped that every time she looked at the flowers, she would be reminded of me. I wished she would keep me in her thoughts while I am not at her side. I don't want her to feel lonely, I want her to know she is always in my thoughts and in my heart.