I wake up much closer to (Y/N) than I had expected to be. We face each other with our foreheads almost touching. I can feel her breath on my face. Our arms are tangled together, and if it wasn't for the thin sheet that's between us, our legs would probably be the same way.
I lay there for a moment longer than I should, basking in the peaceful beauty that is her slumber. Her pink, luscious lips are slightly parted and her eyelids flutter softly as she dreams. Her (h/c) hair falls onto her face a bit; I suppress the urge to brush it behind her ear. The curvature of her body is exposed despite the comforter she is under and I find it utterly gorgeous. The feelings that I have for her in this moment are in no way sexual, I just feel an appreciation for the beauty that is her peacefulness.
I decide it would be best for me to get myself out of her bed, and start to shimmy away from her softly as to not disturb her sleep. Once out of bed, I check the alarm clock to see that it's 7:24 am. As I begin to leave the room, (Y/N) stirs. I halt my steps and watch her to ensure that I didn't wake her, and when I'm certain that I didn't, I exit the room and leave the door slightly ajar.
The first thing I do is go to my studio and get this morning's video ready to be uploaded at 8:00 am sharp. Then, I head to the kitchen and start making breakfast. I multitask making scrambled eggs and bacon, hoping there will be plenty for both myself and (y/n). When I've finished cooking, I put half of the eggs and bacon on a plate for her and the other half on a plate for me. Before leaving the kitchen, I feed Chica.
I bring the food and a couple of forks upstairs and slowly open the door to (y/n)'s room. "Are you awake?" I whisper. I hear a groan in response and laugh as she turns to face away from me. "I brought food," I say.
(Y/N) turns back toward me and looks to make sure I'm telling the truth. When she sees the plates in my hands she sits up on her bed. "Oh good!" she exclaims. "I'm starving!" She pats the space on the bed next to her like she did last night and I sit next to her, handing her one of the dishes. She digs in and finishes her food before I finish mine, handing me her empty plate to set on the nightstand.
"Wow, you're an eager beaver," I say, impressed. She blushes.
"It was really good. Great actually! And I get really excited when I see food because I didn't really get to eat a whole lot on the street. And when I did it was mostly junk food because it's cheaper than healthier foods," (y/n) explains. I sit and listen, not wanting to interrupt her ramblings.
"Well I'm glad you liked it." I take another couple of bites from my own plate and she gets up to open the curtains which don't actually do much to block sunlight from entering the room. She stands at the window for a few moments just looking out. "What are you looking at?" I inquire.
"I like to look at the sky in the morning. Something about the shade of blue that the sky is in the morning is enticing," she explains. I nod, though she doesn't see it since her back is turned. "It's interesting," she continues, but stops herself short.
"What is?" I ask. I get up and set my now empty plate on top of hers. I walk over to the window and stand beside her, looking outside to try and see what she sees.
"Well, this isn't the natural state of the sky," she explains. I look at her quizzically and she continues. "The night sky, with all the darkness and the stars, that's the natural state of the universe. We're seeing our galaxy for what it really is. During the day, though, the sky is blue and the only star we can see is the sun. The sun blocks our view of all other stars in the sky with its own light simply because it's the closest star to us. And it's kind of unfortunate that we have so much artificial light here on the ground as well because it blocks so many of the stars in the night sky from being seen..." she trails off, her eyes never leaving the sky and my eyes never leaving her. She seems to have a bit of sadness and longing deep within her.
"That's... amazing," I blunder. After everything that she just said, my words seem so insignificant. I search for something better to say, and end up blurting out "I love space." It sounded much better in my head than it did out loud.
(Y/N) turns to me and says, "Me too." She walks away from the window, picks up the plates from the nightstand, and leaves with them. I stay standing at the window, staring at the door she just left walked through, breathless because of her grace.
She pops her head back in after a second and says, "you coming?" with a raised eyebrow and a smile. I nod and follow her downstairs.
• • •
Trigger warning: self harm
~~(Y/N)~~
After breakfast, Mark excuses himself to his studio to record some videos and leaves me to do whatever else I want to do. At first I play with Chica for a little while until she gets a little tired. Soon enough I begin to lose my own bit of energy as well.
When Mark is around, it's easy to forget my problems. He fills the emptiness that consumes me. He makes me laugh and smile, and I don't even have to fake my joy around him because the happiness I feel is somewhat real. Despite him still being in the same house as me, his lack of presence is still felt in the pit of my stomach.
I feel the nothingness in my chest begin to take over again, and sink back into a familiar feeling of numbness rather quickly. I think about showering and changing my clothes and watching TV, but I just don't have the energy to move and actually do those things. I find myself sitting on the floor of Mark's living room, in exactly the same place as I was when Chica decided to lay down, for at least an hour.
People have a tendency to misunderstand depression. It's not unending sadness. It's not a feeling of melancholy that's hard to get rid of. It's a numbness, an emptiness. Depression is feeling as though you should have some emotion, but still not being able to truly feel anything. It's knowing that you have to do something, but not caring enough or having enough energy to get it done.
So I sit there staring at nothing, unmoving for what feels like an eternity and a few short seconds all at the same time. I eventually convince myself to get up and go take a shower. I walk slowly up the stairs and grab my duffel bag from my room. I rummage through it to find my own clothes, and a small container of something that I can never let Mark or anyone else ever see.
I go into the bathroom and open the container to find my shiny old friends; six razors. I grab the smallest one, not wanting to make too much of a mess in Mark's shower, and hold it carefully in my hand as I undress and step into the shower.
I decide on my thighs today, and I begin to feel something other than the pit in my stomach...
A/N: this part of the story is only meant to expand on the plot and help out with characterization. This is not meant to romanticize depression or self harm. If you self harm or feel like you want/need to hurt yourself, I urge you to get help. There are online resources available and Suicide Prevention/Self Injury hotlines that are available 24/7.
Reminder: self harm is not limited to cutting but also includes burning, scratching, hitting yourself, etc. It also includes eating disorders such as, but not limited to, anorexia and bulimia. Self harm is an addiction in itself, but it can be prevented and you can recover from it. Stay safe! <3
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Markiplier X Reader
Fanfiction(Y/N) has depression and trouble with cutting. About a year and a half ago, she was kicked out of her parents' house for smoking marijuana, though it was only once, and has been left on the street ever since. One day, (Y/N) enters a coffee shop to g...
