Chapter V - (Y/N)

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When Mark finally leaves my room to record, I feel a strong sense of relief wash over me. He must've seen my scars! I think. But he didn't react to them at all. How could that be? I ponder this thought for a few moments before deciding that he must not have seen them.

He definitely would've reacted at least a little if he'd noticed them, I conclude. Despite this, I still feel anxious. That was way too close and I can't make a silly mistake like that again.

After getting out of the shower earlier, I had realized that I'd forgotten to grab clothes. So I'd wrapped my towel tightly around me before slowly opening the bathroom door and checking to make sure the coast was clear. Then I ran from the bathroom to my room, so sure that I'd avoided Mark seeing me.

But there he was, looking out my window, waiting for me so that he could apologize again like the gentleman he is. I wish so badly that I didn't have to hide my entire body from him like this. I wish that I could go back in time and stop myself from ever picking up that first razor.

But I can't do that. And I'm so incredibly addicted to the way it makes me feel, considering without it I feel next to nothing.

But Mark makes me feel something. I think it's happiness. Given I have trouble truly understanding how I feel after being numb for so long. But I can't help but think that maybe this emotion is joy.

When I think about him, my edges soften. When I see him, I get butterflies in the pit of my stomach. And when he touches me, even if he's just punching my arm in a joking manner, I feel my skin tingle with some kind of anticipation. Though I don't know what I'm anticipating.

My scars and cuts are a reminder of who I must be. I have to be a friend to Mark, nothing more. I absolutely cannot let myself go too far with him. He deserves more than I can give him.

I decide that a walk might do me some good and wonder if I should take Chica with me. She's a calm enough dog so I don't think she'll tug on the leash too much.

I write Mark a note to tell him where Chica and I will be. I don't want to disturb him, but I also don't want him to worry if he comes out to find that his housemate and dog are gone. I stick the note into a small crevice between the door frame and the actual door to his studio so he'll be sure to see it.

I grab a leash for Chica and hook it to her collar. She pants and wags her tail in excitement and out we go. I've been on this street a couple of times so I kind of know where I'm going and I walk in the direction of the coffee shop.

After about an hour of walking around streets that I'm more than familiar with in no particular direction, I come across a local pizzeria called Leo's Pizza and Deli that I've only been in once before. They have a HELP WANTED sign outside, so I can't help but commit their number to memory so that I can call them when I get back to the house. I can't bring Chica inside, but I don't want to leave her outside just to talk to the owner for a few minutes.

We walk right back home after that because I'm anxious to call them. I take a shortcut through a couple alleys that I know are safe enough to cut through and we get back home in about 30 minutes. I burst through the door and quickly take Chica's leash off and run to the phone. Dialing the number, I hope to god that I remembered the number right.

It rings twice before it's picked up by a woman. "Leo's, how can I help you?" She says.

"Hi, my name is (y/n). I saw that you guys are hiring and I was wondering if the position was still open," I say a little hurriedly.

"Why yes it is, young lady," she replies. "Let me just get Leo on the phone and you can talk to him."

I panic a little when I realize that I'll have to talk to a man, but calm down when he comes onto the phone. "Heyo," he says. "This is Leo." His voice is kind of raspy, but it sounds nice.

"Hello, sir. I'm (y/n) and I was hoping that I could apply for the open position you have," I tell him.

"Well o' course. We been looking for a helpin' hand for a coupla days. So far only a coupla young fellers have applied, but they wasn't what I was lookin' for," he says. Something about his southern drawl makes me a little more comfortable with talking to him. It also makes me wonder where he's from. "Anywho, jus' give me your number so I can call and let ya know when you needta come in for your interview."

I panic for a second, realizing that I don't know Mark's phone number. "Okay, give me a moment please?" I respond. I cover the microphone on the phone and run to Mark's studio. I barge in without thinking and immediately say "Mark, I need to know your home phone number now!" He looks startled but tells me what his number is anyway and I tell Leo the number.

"Okay, thanks. We'll call ya soon," Leo says and hangs up.

Mark stares at me, still startled and confused. I realize that I barged in on a recording and immediately feel bad. "I'm so sorry," I apologize. "There is this pizzeria that's hiring and I'm going to apply but they needed to know your number so they could call me and I didn't know it so I had to ask you." He nods, still seemingly confused.

"Give me a little bit to finish this video up and do some editing. We'll talk a little more when I'm done, okay?" he responds. I nod and back out of the studio, closing the door. I look down and see the note that I left him and assume that he didn't see it. I pick it up and throw it away, deciding that it's now useless. I celebrate as I put the phone back on the hook.

I had a lot of trouble trying to find a steady job before. Places always want you to have a permanent address and phone number so they know how to contact you. When they find out that you're homeless and therefore have no address or phone number, they don't hire you. But now I have an address and a phone number, so I'm one step closer to getting my first job.

Mark comes back out of his studio at about 11:30 and sits next to me on the couch where I've been scrolling through channels on TV. "How did you know that place was hiring? Where did you even apply? And why couldn't it wait until after I was finished recording?" Mark peppers me with questions. He doesn't seem mad or upset, just generally confused.

I explain to him as best as I can. "I took Chica out for a walk and I saw a HELP WANTED sign outside of Leo's Pizza and Deli. Their phone number was posted with the sign so I had to memorize it since I couldn't bring Chica in with me and I obviously couldn't leave her outside by herself. So we ran back home and I called them as soon as we got here because I didn't want to risk forgetting the number. I was also really excited and so I forgot that I probably should've waited until you were free to give me your phone number. But once I was already on the phone I didn't want to seem too unprepared so I just kind of ran to you to get the number from you. And... uh... yeah that's it. I'm sorry I barged in on you, I was just so nervous and excited and I've never had a real job before," I ramble on.

Mark is silent for a minute, processing everything I just said. "So, you're telling me that you left here with my dog without telling me?" he asks, frowning. Now he seems a little upset.

"Well, yeah. But I left you a note so that you'd know where we were if you left your studio before we got back. I didn't want to disturb you while you were doing your thing. But... um... I guess I ended up disturbing you anyway," I say quietly. Now I really feel bad.

"Okay, that's fine. As long as you left me some way of knowing. Otherwise I might've thought someone had come and kidnapped you while I was recording. I would've been worrying my head off," he says. I nod; that's understandable. He walks over to Chica who is laying on her bed, tired. "I wouldn't want to lose my two most favoritest girls, now would I?" he says to Chica in a cute voice. "No, of course I wouldn't." He rubs her on her head and kisses her. She wags her tail, but is still obviously tired from our walk-run home.

"Besides," Mark continues, looking up at me and returning to his normal voice. "I'd say we're even. I saw you in just a towel earlier and you interrupted a video. Let's forget both of these things even happened and call it a day, shall we?" I nod in agreement. I guess it's not so bad after all.

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