Here to Stay || Ashton Irwin (completed)

Chapter 10

"What do you mean I have to shave my hair off?" Ashton asked, his eyes widening as his fingers pushed through his hair. The doctor was holding one of those hair shaving things that guys always get their hair done with and looking at him as if he'd heard this before.

"The chemo will make your hair fall out in a timely manner, but what other patients have realized is that it's easier to get rid of it all at the same time so that it's easier to adjust. If you wait for clumps to fall out, it typically causes discomfort," the doctor further explain.

Ashton looked to me and I shrugged. I knew he should just do it now, but I understood why he was hesitant, it was scary. I nudged his arm and nodded my head towards the doctor, giving him slight incouragement to just shave it. He nodded and pushed himself out of bed.

"Only if you come with me," he whispered under his breath.

"What was that?" The doctor asked.

"Nothing," Ashton lied, looking to me and turning his wrist up behind his back so that I could take his hand. Once intertwined again, his thumb began to draw small circles on my hand. He turned back to look at me and attempted a small smile, which I quickly returned, mine coming more easily. "I'm ready to go," he told the doctor who was eyeing him carefully. He shrugged eventually and lead us out of the room. 

As we walked towards the bathroom, I could tell Ashton was getting nervous. His hand in mine was getting quite clammy and he kept fixing his hair with the other every two seconds. I squeezed his hand and tried to give him a reassuring smile, but he dropped his gaze and refocused it ahead of him almost immediately. I picked up my pace so that I was walking beside him now and reached for his arm. When my fingers made contact with it, he looked at me. 

"When did that happen?" He asked, his voice cracking. We stopped walking and we pulled me around the corner of the nearest hallway turning off the one we were currently in. 

I looked down at my hand on his forearm and then met his eyes again, trying to read his face. Confusion and sadness spread across it everywhere. "I, uh, I," I stuttered, "I don't know what you mean?" My mind raced through all the possibilities of what could possibly be going on. 

He looked down at my hand and grabbed it and pushed it off of him. He reached up and brushed his fingers against my forearm. 

"Shit," he hissed as he came into contact with my skin. He bit his lip and I could see the veins in his neck standing out from beneath his skin. His hands balled into fists and he turned around and started walking away, but not before I noticed the tears in his eyes. I stood there for a few minutes as I watched him dash back to the main hallway. 

"Ashton," I called, "Ashton, wait!" I stood in the main hallway watching him run. He didn't even turn back to me. I looked at the ceiling and took a deep breath and then ran after him. My converse slapped against the tile floor of the hospital less and less until I was barely touching the ground anymore. I finally caught up with him just as the bathroom door slammed in my face. 

I was breathing hard despite the fact I had practically flown half the distance and now I stood frozen, staring at the wooden door. 

"Ashton?" I whispered, my voice barely coming out. I rested against the wall next to the door and reached my hand out. Just as I was about to knock the door opened and the doctor walked out.

"If you need help, call me, but I understand if you want to do this alone," he said, tucking his clipboard under his arm. I caught Ashton's gaze as he stared at me through the mirror. His hands gripped the sink as he leaned against it. His face looked flushed and as if it lacked color at the same time. He was breathing hard too. My glimpse of him soon ended however as the door slammed yet again as the doctor left. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.