Sherlock Imagines and Preferences 2

Unconditionally

Requested by Lifeupdates_ness

Song: Unconditionally by Katy Perry

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Oh no, did I get too close?

Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?

All your insecurities

All the dirty laundry

Never made me blink one time

A deep sigh escaped his lips, a filled syringe balancing between two fingers. He couldn't get enough. One dose after another and not once did it satisfy his needs. 

Heroin, Sherlock's nemesis and greatest temptation. 

Back in the day, it numbed the pain he felt inside, soothing it. But now, years later, not even the strongest dose could help him forget. His mind was torturing himself. Thoughts filled his brain, dangerous and scary ones. He was dancing on the brink of giving up and purposely overdosing. His own thinking, his own body was toxic to him. 

He needed a saviour, something or someone to drag him out of his slur and better his life. Sherlock was in need of help, but him being him, he didn't dare ask for it, afraid it would damage his independent and uncaring reputation. 

All his life, he had battled mental illnesses, anxiety and depression being the major troubles. He never reached out and thus, never learnt how to cope. Even as an adult, a brilliant and magnificent adult, he didn't know how to make himself feel better in a proper way. 

Drugs had always been his escape but it took more and more to keep the pain at a distance. The fear of death that, despite his claims, he did possess held him back from going beyond his usual, carefully measured dose. Overdosing would guarantee his death. There was no one there to check up on him frequently enough to find him in time. So, for now, he had to stick with suffering. 

Depression was painful, so very painful. In his mind, he was nothing but dirt and a waste of space. He wasn't good enough for anyone and if he could see that, there was no doubt inside him everyone else could see it, too. 

Annoying the people around him was his biggest fear, and even when he was doing it, he had no idea. He feared those who he valued would leave him because he was such a big burden to everyone. 

Depression had taken over his entire life since he was little. He had always been alone. Alone and in pain. He needed someone out there to tell him he was valuable, good enough to live and to breathe. He needed love, friendship, acceptance. Someone who would look at him and see all the flaws but still love him for it. 

Love. Such an odd feeling. Sherlock had never thought that one day he'd want it. It had never crossed his mind that one day, he'd be begging for the slightest bit of affection in his drug affected daze. It was pathetic in his eyes. But he couldn't stop himself. There was no hope left inside of him. His entire being was giving up and he needed someone... fast.

Unconditional, unconditionally

I will love you unconditionally

There is no fear now

Let go and just be free

I will love you unconditionally