Back At One - All Bad Sequel

15. One Life

I wanna dream what you dream
Go where you're going
I only have one life
And I only wanna live it with you....
- Justin Bieber

Justin's POV

Dealing with the loss of our baby girl was the hugest blow my relationship with Brie has ever faced. I can't even begin to the describe the emptiness I felt both physically and emotionally. I'd never felt more guilty or more like a failure than I had when it happened. Even though my depression and anxiety was at an all time high I couldn't focus on me. I had to remember that Brie was the one who went through the entire process of having a baby that was no longer alive.

Brie's body reacted like it does when you give birth, so I it was a bit hard to deal with. Her breasts got enlarged and was tender like it gets when you have to breastfeed. Her hormones were out of control and she cried herself to sleep most nights while I held her in my arms. Sometimes I cried with her but I tried my best to never let her see. I had to be strong for the both of us.

I knew I would have to leave to start up the tour again but it was a hard topic bring up with Brie because it was one of the reasons we lost the baby and I didn't want to leave but I was contractually obligated to finish the dates I had scheduled. I had met with Scooter to find a way to get the record execs to agree to cancel the tour but it was proving to be difficult. All they cared about was the loss of money and not my well being. They didn't care that I suffered a great life changing loss. They wanted to cash in on the millions of dollars the tour brought in.

This whole ordeal was making me question my life choices and my faith. I felt like I couldn't win. Why when I was finally able to find some semblance of happiness in my life that this had to happen. Praying and going to church seemed to be the only thing keeping me from going over the edge again. I was trying my best to hold it all together for Brie. Suddenly my career wasn't the most important thing in my life anymore. Having a normal life was. Well as normal as I could get anyway. Having a family and being the best man, husband and father I could be was a hell of a lot more important to me now than performing on a stage every night. How could I be my best up on a stage when I didn't feel whole inside? Just as I was thinking this, Brie's voice beside me jolted me out of my thoughts.

"Justin?" Brie asked softly. "You ok babe." She stroked my cheek as she lay beside me on the bed. The sun was just setting outside and gave the room a soft orange, peachy glow. We had spent the day together just lounging around and watching Netflix. Then I tried cheering her up by playing Guitar Hero while she laughed at my silliness. It made my heart soar just to see her smile. Sometimes I would catch her drifting off in her own thoughts and I knew she was thinking about what could have been. Sometimes I wouldn't say anything just held her while she cried but other times I did my best to bring her back to the present and make her as happy as she made me no matter how sad we both felt.

"Yeah," I replied. "Just thinking."

"I know this is hard on you too and you try not to let me see it." She explained. "I know how much you wanted our baby too." I just nodded, unable to answer as grief washed through me at the thought of what happened. "Do you still want to get married? It's ok if you don't. I know you probably only asked because of the baby."

"Of course I do, baby. There is nothing that I want more." I reassured her. "I still want us to be a family."

"I'd still like that too. I know I haven't been the best girlfriend lately. I'm sorry." She sniffed and wiped her eye as a stray tear fell. My heart sank with love and sorrow. I knew nothing I could say would take her pain away. "I just want us to be happy again. And you make me happy Justin. I love you."