Indigo Blues 🪼✔

13 - Til Kingdom Come

*TANNUS*
I opened my eyes and felt something vibrating under me. I didn't understand what it was but I turned over and looked up at the ceiling. After a moment, I realized that whatever bed I was in had some sorry excuse for a massage and was vibrating all over the place. I rubbed my eyes a little and tried to remember what happened. The last thing that I remembered was having a panic attack and then laying down on Oliver's couch. But whose bed was this? Neither Oliver nor I had a bed that had a built in massage thing.
A moan on the other side of a mound of pillows made me turn my head in the darkness. I looked over them and saw Delilah sleeping peacefully. I smiled, realizing that I must be in Delilah's house. I got up, rubbing my eyes and stretched a little. I found my way out of the room and into the hallway area of her house. I'd never been to her house before, not like she'd actually invite me, so I thought it was good as any time to explore. She had a bit living room and I could hear Johnsie snoring from the room that was behind the wall, his door open like always. I frowned a little at that since it was a bit of trauma that made him have the door wide open like that. It was a little weird...
I looked into the good sized kitchen and found a box of pizza on the stove. I went directly to it and was happy to find a whole pizza in there. It was fresh from earlier today for the smell was still intoxicating as if it was just delivered. I licked my lips, my stomach suddenly reminding me that I hadn't eaten lunch nor dinner. I took the box and decided to watch a movie and get everything settle in my head. I found the remote and turned the TV on, turning the volume down to look through the guide. I found a movie to watch and ate pizza not believing that I was actually in Delilah's house.

******************

"Well isn't this sweet?" I heard someone say and I cracked open an eye.
Delilah was looking at me from her position standing over me. She was wearing a white tank with red and purple plaid shorts and her blonde hair a complete mess. She was also holding a mug in her hand.
"Morning..." I said softly.
She smiled a little and pointed to the TV.
"Nick Jr. I see?"
I looked up and smiled a little.
"That wasn't on when I was watching it this morning."
"Hmm..." she hummed. "Would you like some tea?"
"I'd like to brush my teeth if you don't mind." I said, gesturing the pizza box that was still in my lap.
She nodded. "I have extra toothbrushes in the second draw of the bathroom. I have a dentist friend and he gives me a handful of free toothbrushes every time I go. Help yourself."
I nodded and gasped again when I felt the baby kick. Delilah looked at me and I turned away.
"The uh... she kicked me." I said, pointing to my stomach.
Delilah's face brightened and she reached out but then stopped.
"Do... do you mind?" she asked quietly.
I didn't want her to but I wouldn't like it if my wife didn't let me touch her stomach if she was pregnant and since it was Delilah's...
"No... you can..." I said softly.
She put her hand on my stomach and the baby seemed to respond with a series of flips. Delilah's green eyes widened in fascination and love and a smile broke her (sadly) usually stern face.
"That's amazing." She whispered.
I turned away, embarrassed again.
"It's still unnatural." I said tightly.
"May be... but it's still beautiful... Tannus, I'm sorry that this happened."
I looked at her quickly, totally shocked that she had apologized to me. This whole time, every time I said something that was negative about being pregnant she always threw the blame back on me but this... I just couldn't believe it.
"Yeah... I'm going to brush my teeth now."
She nodded and I left to go to the bathroom.

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*DELILAH*
After seeing Tannus freak out at the clinic and everything and then to feel the baby inside of him, our daughter, I began to realize that as much as it was Tannus' fault for eating the jelly bean, it was my fault for leaving them out. It could have happened to anyone. It could have been Thomas (God forbid) or Johnsie or somebody else. It just happened to be Tannus and I had to think that a blessing. When I saw the sacrifice he made to keep the baby safe and even trying to face his deepest and darkest fear to check up on it, I had to admit that it was admirable and sweet.
Besides, he had looked so adorable last night as he snuggled in my covers on the one side of the bed. I had a fleece blanket and he had wrapped himself in it like a little burrito. I took a picture of it but I wouldn't dare show him.
I went to the kitchen and poured some hot water in a mug with a teabag and let it steep. Tannus came back out and stretched his back a little, sitting at the bar stool.
"Do you eat breakfast?" he asked, propping his head up on his hand on the bar.
"I'm afraid not. I probably should."
"What you got in that fridge?"
"Uh... eggs..."
"Here," he said, sliding off the chair and walking to me. He moved me and grabbed the eggs.
He also rummaged in my freezer and found some sausage links. I put them all on the counter and turned to me.
"Where are your pans? I'll make you breakfast."
"Um... why?" I asked, totally confused.
He gave this debonair smile that I couldn't just not be affected by. I felt my cheeks flush indiscreetly.
"Because I want to. As thanks..." he mumbled, looking at the eggs as I rummaged for pans.
"For what?"
"Well, for starters..." he said, putting butter in the pan to let it melt. "You let me sleep my hysteria out here even though we don't exactly get along. Along with that, you opened your home to me and Johnsie. And... uh..."
"And?" I asked, tentatively.
"Because you didn't abandon your project when it went awry."
"You mean because you ate the jelly bean?" I said, not accusing this time.
"I know we don't get along very well –hell, people have actually thought we were going to come to blows before- but even though I kind of ruined your project, you didn't back out. You've blamed me for being kind of stupid for eating a jelly bean in a chemist's lab and for that, I will take full responsibility; but you also didn't abandon me to deal with the consequences. Any vindictive person would have done so."
"Well, I didn't know this would have happened."
"Still, if you were cruel, you would have told me to deal with it and not be standing here now talking with me." He said, cracking the eggs in the pan. "How you like your eggs?"
"Uh, sunny side up."
He nodded and worked at breakfast.
I watched him and for the first time in a long time, I didn't want to just kill him. He could definitely be sweet when he wanted to be and took responsibility for things he did. He was fun and was kind enough to take in a kid like Johnsie, not caring about his background, just seeing the potential of the boy. Could I have done that? Could I have put that much trust in someone as broken as Johnsie and just let him having my personal address and phone number like that?
"You okay?" he asked, looking at me.
"Huh?"
"You're staring at nothing. What you thinking about?" he asked with a turn of his head.
I smiled a little. "Just wondering how it came to this. Who would have ever thought you'd be in my kitchen making me breakfast?"
Tannus gave a small smirk as he put my eggs and sausage on a plate and handed it to me.
"Fate? I dunno..."
"Why did you say that?" I asked, startled.
He looked just as startled as me.
"Uh... I'm not sure..." He chuckled nervously. "I mean, like that would ever happen, right?"
"Then..."
"It was an immediate reaction, Delilah. Don't get weird..." he said a little tightly.
I sighed and just ate his breakfast. It was delicious to say the least.

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*TANNUS*
Oh. My. God. What the hell was that?! Out of all the words I could have said, I picked 'fate'? I can't believe I said that. Breakfast was awkward after that and I couldn't bring myself to look at her again. To let her know that I was starting to have some feelings for her would ruin everything. The woman hates me and she's only doing this because it's kind of obligatory for her. Sure it's nice that she didn't abandon me to deal with this on my own, but still, it surprised me she didn't. I mean, the woman has hated me ever since high school ended and I don't understand why.
"The doctor at the clinic gave me some things you need to do so that he can check on you." She suddenly said.
"Huh?"
"Because you couldn't stay for the whole exam at the clinic, I convinced the doctor to let me have some things so he can check up on you."
"Oh..." I looked away for a moment and then saw marks on her bicep where someone had deeply punctured her skin like claws. "Did I do that to you?"
Delilah looked at where I was staring and put her hand on the scabbed over semi-circle of small wounds.
"Yeah, it's not big deal."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it, Tannus." She said softly. "You were scared half to death in there."
"That's not excuse to hurt you."
"Johnsie told me you've hurt him before. Something about pneumonia?"
"Did he... did he tell you why?"
"Yes. I would have understood if you had told me yourself, you know?" she said quietly.
"Do you really think that I would have told you? It's not something a man does. Why would I tell you my deepest, darkest fear? Do you know how embarrassing it is? I've embarrassed Oliver and Johnsie so bad before that I still can't understand why they deal with me. It's irrational..."
"It's a phobia, Tannus. It's called a phobia for a reason."
"That's no excuse to act like a complete child." I scoffed, disgusted with myself. "To go into a tantrum, hurt people, pitch fits, and beg is nothing someone would want."
"But it's not your fault for it. Do you really think I believe you did that to get attention or something? Do you think I'm that heartless?" she said, just a little bit of edge in her voice.
I shook my head. "Don't make this about you, Delilah. It has to do with my irrational fear of fracking hospitals. Hospitals, for God's sake! The place where you are supposed to go when things go wrong!"
"I could quote statistics for you but it would only scare you further." She said with a smile to herself mostly. "Either way, Tan, it doesn't make me think anything less of you."
I looked at her in surprise. She just called me Tan, not Tannus.
"If you had been sitting in that waiting room and heard all that back there and saw me coming back, wouldn't you think that I was overreacting? Didn't you think that before I told you?"
"Of course I did. But when you told me and started shaking like that-"
"Please don't bring up the details." I said, holding up a shaking hand, already remembering. "Please..."
"Alright." She said softly. She was looking at me sadly and I gripped the counter. "Just don't think that I was going to laugh at you."
"Why not?!" I growled, anger encompassing me. "Why not laugh?! It's so preposterous! A grown man can't even look at a place that reminds him of a hospital because he freaks out like a child! He yells and screams and cries and hurts people! It is laughable!"
I don't know why I was so damned angry and hurt but the fact that she saw me, so vulnerable and stupid looking made just want to run away. I hated knowing that someone saw me like that and the fact that it was Delilah?
I had no idea I was crying until she reached over and wiped tears from my eyes. I turned away.
"Don't! Don't... I already feel like shit."
"I think it might be hormones..." she said, and I could tell she was helping to make an excuse for me. I had to thank her for that. "But still, I don't think anything less of you."
I was caught off guard when she got down from the barstool and came over to me. She put her hands on either side of my face and made me look at her, wet face and all.
"A man can't be fearless against everything. A man has boundaries and fences and walls; some can be crossed and others can't. Everyone has their breaking point, Tannus, and not everyone has normal points for that. There are people who, like you, can't go into a hospital but there are also those who can't get in the vicinity of spiders or can't go into an elevator or look down from seemingly high points. Everyone has a weak point."
I had always known that. I knew there were those who were worse off than me in that it hindered their every day activity because they couldn't do certain things but it had never mattered. It had never mattered because it was my phobia, not theirs. But when Delilah said that, I realized that I was doing pretty good.
Whether it was hormones or relief or just plain happiness, I took her hands from my face and leaned on her shoulder, crying into the nape of her neck. She didn't turn away and she didn't squirm; she just held me close and didn't let me go.