Rejected

• THIRTY EIGHT •

The night continued as normally as we could manage, and the next morning the girls seemed to have let my news really marinate as no one really knew what to say...the thrill of finding out became a reality for them. I think with more clarity they could see the flipped side of the coin.

Yes babies are lovely...when you're ready. And the fact is, I don't think I'm ready.

"Hey ladies..." Vance greeted us as he walked into the kitchen with a couple of grocery bags, "how'd your evening go."

I could tell that Elise hadn't mentioned anything to her mate, I was touched considering I knew she tells him everything.

"It was fun." Harper sounded casually as she helped herself to an orange.

I was so grateful for my friends, I realized that neither of them would say anything to anyone (their mates included) until I personally started telling people. But of course the only person I want to share this news with is Patrick, and I don't know how he's even going to react to the news.

Perhaps my own reservations are dependent on his finding out, maybe if he is happy I too will be happy, not that his happiness is my happiness...I'm very capable of having my own thoughts and feelings, but I think I might be putting up a wall.

I think deep down I want to be excited but the realist in me knows that this won't be easy, and Patrick could very well not want to be a dad yet, I think I'm emotionally blocking everything on the off chance that he won't be happy.

I'm trying to remain as neutral as possible so I don't give off one vibe or another, I want him to have his own feelings about this pregnancy and if I know my mate like I think I do, I think he's going to try and gage my emotions and then mirror them in an attempt to appease me.

"So you ladies have any plans for today?"

"I suggested we go to the spa." Elise said with a smile.

I noticed that Vance made a little face, I guess being the responsible one financially Vance didn't really care too much for his wife's sudden impulses.

"Uh...would you hate me if I didn't go?"

Elise and Harper both looked at me, both ready to protest my sudden backing out.

"I-its just...you remember how I was telling you about, me going to the doctor..." I said in a poor attempt at coding what I was really trying to say. "I'm not one hundred percent sure she'd recommend me going."

To be honest I didn't know if anything at the spa could harm a pregnancy and I didn't want to chance it. Like, are you even allowed to lay on your stomach without hurting the baby?

Suddenly different thoughts flew through my head, sex while pregnant, hot tubs, coffee, fish, prenatal vitamins, tight jeans, thongs...these things may seem silly but this shit is all new to me and I understood now why the doctor asks if I have any questions before she lets me leave.

"It's cool, and I didn't even think about that." Elise said apologetically.

I brushed it off though, "I'd just feel more comfortable talking with her first."

"Everything okay Mariah?" Vance asked clearly concerned.

But Elise quickly shook her head, "it's just period stuff."

"Elise!" Harper sounded appalled.

But Vance made a face and then turned his back to us indicating that he had no interest in wanting to hear about any menstrual problems and therefore he wouldn't pry further. I couldn't help but smile at my sneaky friend.