Something Worth Living For {Ryden AU}

6b

We have music fourth period, and Jayda and William have both mysteriously disappeared from class. The teacher gave us a free day, and Ryan has been practically begging me to play something for him since he knows I can play a bunch of instruments, as Jayda oh-so-helpfully pointed out on the first day of school. I finally give in, dragging my feet into the piano room, which is thankfully empty.

Today is a half day, because the Homecoming parade is this afternoon, so this is our last class for the day. I shut the door behind us, ambling over to the piano and taking a seat at the bench. Ryan sits next to me.

"Well?" I drawl. "What do you want to hear?" He has that sheepish look again, and oh yeah, that's right. He hardly knows anything about music. "I'll just play..." I hum thoughtfully, flipping through the sheet music that's on top of the piano. I see 'Karma Police' by Radiohead and I'm kind of surprised that our music teacher has the sheet music for a song that I actually love. "You'll like this one," I assure Ryan with a half-smile, setting up the sheet and gliding my fingers over the keys, getting a feel for them. It's been a while since I've played.

When I do start playing, I remember why playing is the best feeling I've ever had. It's calming, relaxing; maybe even therapeutic. It allows you to shut everything else out and just focus on the music, on the soft notes ringing out one after another, blending together perfectly to create something so beautiful.

Pretty soon my eyes slip shut. I learned this song a long time ago; I don't even really need the sheet music.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like myself again, like the old Brendon; like the real Brendon. Only for a moment, then the song's over and I'm back down to earth. Ryan moves and I jump because I kind of forgot he was there. He was so quiet.

"That was... wow," he says softly, looking at me in awe. "You're perfect," his mouth quirks up, and for the second time today, I forget how to breathe. His fingers inch up onto the keys, running over my own fingers. "Show me?" he asks, his head to the side.

I swallow, taking a calming breath. "Sure," I reply just as soft, taking my hands off and placing his on the appropriate keys. He looks down at his hands, and before I can rethink it, I place mine on top of his before starting the song over, pressing down his fingers for him. When I glance at him, he's smiling down at our hands, watching attentively.

He scoots closer to me and I kind of lose my train of thought, my hands slowing down on the keys until they aren't moving at all anymore, just resting on top of his. He looks over at me, still with that brilliant smile that makes me feel fuzzy.

I don't even remember how my face got so close to his. All I know is that I can see the specks of brown in his eyes, the nearly nonexistent freckles on his cheekbones that wouldn't be noticeable farther away, and my breathing has increased significantly.

"Brendon," Ryan mumbles, almost whispers, and then his hand isn't under mine, it's tangled with mine, our fingers fitting together perfectly. His other hand is trailing up my arm, and when did I start leaning forward? He's breathing hard too, his breaths coming out hot against my mouth, and I can see his eyes fluttering shut.

I barely feel the ghost of a soft touch on my lips before I hear our teacher yelling from the other room for everyone to clean up, ruining the moment and causing me to jump.

I inwardly curse that fucking teacher to the depths of hell.

I cough a little, straightening up and fixing the mess I made of the sheet music. I'm scared for a second that things will turn awkward, but when I look at Ryan he's smiling at me, maybe looking a bit flustered, and I breathe out calmly.

"Guess it's almost time for class to be over," I laugh weakly.

"Yeah, um. Yeah," Ryan laughs nervously, looking away and biting his lip. Fuck, since when do I want to grab him by the shoulders and kiss the fuck out of him until he can't breathe anymore? Since when do I feel tingles all over when I'm near him?

God, I am so, so fucked.

* * *

"Jayda, Jayda, Jayda, Jayda!" I call repetitively, dashing through the house. "Jayda, fucking come here!" I shriek. She comes barreling out of her room and into mine.

"What?!" she asks, looking worried and a bit freaked out. "What's wrong?"

"I almost fucking kissed Ryan, that's what's wrong!" I wail. God, I don't understand all these feelings. Jayda's whole face relaxes and I think she might even roll her eyes.

"That? That's your big emergency?" she laughs. "I could have told you that was going to happen sooner or later."

"Excuse me?" I ask, hands on my hips. She flops down onto my couch, looking up at me.

"You have feelings for him, Bren. Anyone with eyes can see that," she smiles fondly. "You just didn't realize it." My confusing stare isn't helping matters because she just keeps looking back at me with that knowing smirk.

"I just - I feel really weird every time I'm near him. Like, my stomach feels weird," I say, clutching my stomach for effect. She laughs again, loud this time.

"Honey, that's what happens when you like someone. Ever heard the term 'butterflies'?"

"Huh," I muse. "I totally get that now."

"You've liked people before, though," she points out confusedly.

"But not like this," I answer honestly. "Jay, I've never had this feeling before in my life. Sometimes that fluttery feeling gets so bad I think I'm going to throw up, and then I can't breathe and I don't know what to say around him and-"

"Whoa, easy. Take a breath," she grins. "I can't believe it took you this long to realize you like him, you idiot."

"It's just - this is so weird. He makes me want to..." I trail off, unsure if I should tell her or not.

"What?" she lifts an eyebrow. I sigh.

"He makes me want to be... me again," I look at her meaningfully, and her mouth opens to let out a soft breath.

"Bren," she smiles lovingly. "You know what? Maybe Ryan's exactly what you've been looking for." I stare at her long and hard, because that sentence made me stop and think.

The only thing my mind can come up with is that she may be right.

* * *

It's weird to realize that you've had feelings for someone for a month and not even known it. But it makes sense now. That's why I feel so different around him. I feel the need to impress him, to make sure I never sound stupid in front of him. That's why I care so much. That's why ever since I met him I've been dying to figure him out. It's because I like him. I care about him.

He's slowly changing me.

I just - god, I want to help him. I want to get him away from the abuse he's living in because he doesn't fucking deserve it. Ryan is the sweetest, most caring person I've ever met and I don't see how anyone could hurt him.

If it's the last fucking thing I do, I will make sure that nobody else hurts him.

Word Count: 1283