Something Worth Living For {Ryden AU}

7c

"It's okay," I soothe. He removes his hand from the sheets and clutches my own hand instead, his grip unbearably tight. "C'mon, breathe slowly," I say, mimicking deep breaths while he tries to follow my actions. "Just look at me." I smooth my hand down his cheek comfortingly, and he leans into the touch, locking his eyes with mine and trying to stop choking on air. I stay where I am, murmuring quiet encouraging words, vaguely aware of Jayda reentering the room. His breathing becomes less choppy, allowing him to take full breaths now, but he's still breathing hard and shaking. I glance at William and he's looking on worriedly. Ryan makes a relieved sound now that the worst part is over, and he kind of slumps over onto me. I put my arms around him, not turning my attention away, and say, "Give me the water and then everyone get out." Jayda hands me the water.

"I-" William starts.

"Get. Out," I say slowly. I hear footsteps, and then the sound of my door shutting. I glance back to make sure, and the room is empty. Ryan removes himself from me, still breathing hard and wiping at his watery eyes. "You okay?" I ask softly.

"Yeah," he says hoarsely. "Yeah, I just - they just happen sometimes," he shrugs.

"Here," I say, handing him the water, which he gratefully accepts, drinking a large amount. I barely register the shaking in my hands, much too focused on the feeling of pure anguish. It's not fair that his life is so hard. He's never been at a school before, so socialization is hard for him. His parents abuse him. He has frequent panic attacks. It's not fair, and he doesn't deserve it.

"Can we just - will you lie down with me?" he asks quietly. His voice sounds like hell. I nod enthusiastically, placing the water on my nightstand.

"Yeah, of course," I agree, getting up and turning the light off before crawling into the bed where he's already lying down. For a minute it's silent, but I can practically hear the gears turning in his head.

"Thank you for always being here for me," he finally says. I turn on my side, and I can just make out his features in the dark. I only just now realize how cold it is, snuggling into my blankets.

"I don't mind," I smile. He shivers suddenly, and I can't help but think that the chills I'm having are for a different reason than his.

"It's really cold," he laughs meekly. I bite my lip, knowing exactly what I'd like to do to warm him up, but I'm too scared of rejection to even shift closer to him. It doesn't matter, because he's the one who shifts closer to me, almost close enough for us to be touching.

"I'm sorry about William," I offer.

"It's not your fault," he shrugs, causing the sheets to rustle underneath him. "He just... he really gets to me." All I want to do right now is plaster myself to his side.

"Are you alright?" I ask. "I mean, not just with this, but with everything," I clarify. He hesitates, and that answers the question for me. I expect him to lie and put on a fake smile, but he doesn't this time. Instead, he's looking at me with eyes that are starting to water again. "Ryan?" I ask, my eyebrows creasing with worry.

"My parents hate me," he mumbles. My chest aches. "They've almost always hated me. Especially my dad. I'm not exaggerating. He tells me all the time," he squeezes his eyes shut. I temporarily forget my nervousness and reach blindly for his hand under the covers, lacing our fingers together. He scoots closer, squeezing my hand. "I don't understand why they hate me so much," he almost whispers, one tear spilling down his cheek.

"Ryan," I choke out, looking at him with sorrowful eyes.

"You wanted to know, Bren - what's wrong with me, you wanted to know," he says. My eyes widen, because I think he's going to finally tell me. "My dad, he doesn't just hit me," he says quietly. The first image that pops into my head is an awful one; Ryan's dad looming over him, undoing his belt and - god, please god, don't let that be it. I start to feel panicky, but Ryan squeezes my hand again. "There was a reason why I was home-schooled."