Something Worth Living For {Ryden AU}

8a

I'm not a morning person by any means, the opposite in fact. But I'm not objecting to waking up early when the sight I'm faced with is such a nice one.

Ryan looks so at ease when he sleeps, none of the tension that he usually carries being apparent in his face. He also manages to somehow look like perfection even when he's unconscious, his mouth closed and dark eyelashes contrasting against the pale skin of his cheeks. It's something I could stare at forever.

At some point I had gotten up and locked my door, not wanting Jayda or Spencer or whoever to come in and bother us, because Ryan just needs some peace right now.

I've thought about it, and I've decided that the best thing to do is for Ryan to call the police. I mean, there's no fucking way he's staying at home anymore. I can't let him, not after this. He's not safe there, and I'm not going to wait around until something more happens to him. If he tells the police, they'll have plenty of proof, especially since he has me to back him up. There's no way his dad wouldn't get arrested.

"I can practically hear you thinking," Ryan says suddenly, making me jump. I was too distracted to hear the distinct change in his breathing signifying that he's awake.

"Sorry," I say, turning on my side and smiling at him.

"Hi," he whispers, big brown eyes staring up at me.

"Hi there," I whisper back, my hand finding its way to his cheek, brushing against it softly. He closes his eyes, smiling slightly and leaning into my touch.

Believe it or not, I've actually been too worried about Ryan to properly think about what happened last night. Not only have I completely admitted to myself that I have feelings for him, but we kissed. It was... incredible, really. Unlike anything I've ever experienced. Kisses are something I've always taken for granted - something I never paid much attention to. But kissing Ryan was something I'm never going to forget. I could feel it with everything in me, my whole body completely taken over. If relationships have certain defining moments that represent the exact moment that you fell for the other person, that moment had to be mine.

"Can I...?" Ryan asks timidly, leaning forward a tiny bit to indicate what he means, but stopping short and looking at me for an answer. I huff a short laugh, leaning forward until our noses are touching.

"You don't have to ask me," I mumble before closing the gap between us and pressing our lips together softly. That explosion of tingles throughout me is still there, and it's just as incredible as it was last night.

"That's - that's so strange but I really like it," Ryan says breathlessly, pulling back. I smile at him, pulling him closer to me by the waist, mindful of his bruise.

"I really like you," I say playfully, burying my face in his neck and kissing down. He giggles, petting through my hair while I'm occupied with his neck. He seems to be enjoying it, but when I start sucking on a sensitive part near his throat he moans quietly, his back arching off the bed. It's clear by his expression that he's not used to feeling things like this, or making those kinds of sounds. I feel a sense of pride knowing that he's going to experience all his firsts with me. I hope so, at least.

"Brendon, I-" Ryan gasps, tightening his hand in my hair. "You make me feel things that I've never felt before," he admits, averting his eyes like he's ashamed. It occurs to me that he doesn't know any better than to feel bad about the reactions he's having.

"Hey, you know that having these feelings is perfectly fine, right?" I assure him, leveling my face with his again. "Don't be ashamed of it. It's okay," I smile, leaning down to kiss him again.

"Oh, I, um," Ryan suddenly looks embarrassed. "I think you should-" he tries to get me to move away a little bit.

"Hey, what's-" I start to ask, but then I realize what's going on. He's hard. "Oh," I breathe, glancing down and back up to Ryan's still embarrassed face. "That's nothing to be embarrassed about," I say, trailing a finger down his cheek.

"I'm sorry," he looks at me like he's done something horrible. "I just- it'll go away after a while. It always does."

"Wait," I pause, scrunching my eyebrows. "Haven't you ever...?"

"Ever what?" he asks, staring blankly. I know he doesn't know a lot of things, but I'd just expected that he knew about this.

"You know... um, touched yourself," I mumble, cringing because that was probably the worst way to word it. His eyes go a little wider, struck with realization.

"Oh, no, no, um," he swallows, chewing on his lip. "I thought it was wrong." Again, I have that sense of anger toward Ryan's parents for making him like this, afraid of everything and never knowing if he's doing something wrong.

"It's not wrong," I tell him, lying my head next to his on the pillow. He smiles, looking reassured, and rolls on his side to get closer to me, accidentally brushing against my leg. He breathes out sharply at the sensation, biting his lip. I know he's turned on but I also know that I can't take advantage of him.

"Can you... show me what it feels like?" he asks softly, blinking up at me. I hesitate, not sure if I should, but he asked. It's not like I'm persuading him to do anything.

"I... if you really want me to," I answer. He nods solemnly, putting his hand on my waist. I inch my hand down, brushing over his waist, his leg, before stopping on where his erection is clearly outlined in his pants, pressing my palm down a bit. He makes a small sound, pushing up into my hand. "Do you want me to keep going?" I ask, because I don't want to make him uncomfortable at all. He nods, burying his face is my neck and scooting closer.

I unbutton his pants, sliding my hand inside them so I can get my hand around his cock without the barrier of clothes. He full out moans now, his mouth opening against my neck. I move my hand slowly, letting him get used to it, but he's already panting and groaning into my skin, clearly never having felt this before.

"That feels really good," he gasps, moving his hips with the motion of my hand.

"Yeah?" I ask, speeding up my hand. "Hey, let me do something else for you," I say on second thought, pulling my hand away and kissing him once before moving down on the mattress and sliding his pants down. He looks confused, watching my every move. "Remember when you asked me what a blowjob was?" I ask, and I barely see the nod he gives before I duck down and slide my mouth down over his cock slowly. The sound he makes can only be described as a strangled, surprised moan, his hand immediately shooting to tangle in my hair again. I have a feeling he's going to be the type to run his hands through my hair a lot, not that I'm complaining.

My mouth tightens around him when I hollow my cheeks, working my tongue along the underside, tracing patterns and licking broad stripes. I pull off for a second, stroking him with my hand instead and licking my lips. He looks down at me, eyes half-lidded and clouded over with pleasure, and on a whim I reach up and lace our fingers together.

I take his cock back into my mouth, tonguing his slit and sucking softly on the head. "Fuck, fuck," he gasps, his hips bucking up. I take note that that's only the third time I've ever heard him swear, and it's still weird hearing it come out of his mouth.

Of course I expected him to come fast, but it's still a surprise when I feel the liquid on my tongue, the bitter taste bringing me back out of my thoughts. Ryan's practically writhing, his mouth open in a helpless moan. I pull off, swallowing and wiping my mouth before moving back to lie beside him, waiting to see how he's going to react. He takes a deep breath, sliding his pants back up his narrow hips but not bothering with the button, and looks over at me with a satisfied smile. "Um, wow?" he laughs incredulously, covering his eyes and shaking his head.

Word Count: 1453