Something Worth Living For {Ryden AU}

9b -the end-

Ryan hums softly, pushing his tongue past my lips and invading my mouth with his sweet taste. And this - this has never happened; this frantic, passionate, spontaneous kissing. Even more baffling to me is that Ryan initiated it. My surprise is quickly replaced by pleasure as he lulls me into a deep sense of relaxation, his quirky, languid way of kissing settling itself in me and making my stomach flutter in a way it never has before. It's so different than what I'm used to. It's not fast and meaningless and purely done for predisposed purposes - it's sweet and deep and soft and loving, coiling in the pit of my stomach and making me moan before I even know what's happening.

"Ryan, jesus christ," I whimper, my lips barely moving away from his enough to talk. He looks worried instantly, like maybe he thinks he's done something wrong, but I quickly put his worries to rest and thread my fingers through his silky, loose curls (my favorite thing is when he doesn't straighten his hair) and bring his mouth back to mine again. God, he's gotten so good at this in only a matter of days. He's either got to be a naturally amazing kisser or an extremely fast learner. I hum against his mouth, an almost needy sound, and pull him backwards to my bed by the collar of his shirt.

He crawls over me, completely taking me by surprise again when he practically rips off my shirt and throws it to the ground. I can nearly feel my gaze darken, my pants getting impossibly tighter to the point of it being painful. Seeing someone who has been nothing but shy and timid and adorable completely take control of me like this - it's fucking hot.

He brings his mouth to my neck, sucking on it in a deliciously arousing way that has me stuttering for breath, and I slide my hands up his back underneath his shirt, feeling the hot skin under my fingertips. Ryan lets out a soft sound, a little breathy moan, and brings his mouth to my ear. "Brendon, please, I- I need. I want, I-"

"What do you want, Ryan?" I interrupt, my own voice low and unintentionally sultry. My hands slide down, slipping into the back of his pants and he moans louder, nipping at the skin below my ear. "Tell me what you want," I whisper, moving my hands down further underneath his boxers to grip the soft flesh there.

"I want you to- to," he stutters, trying to stay coherent enough through his small moans when I bring my mouth to his pale, exposed neck, sucking purple marks into the flawless skin. "God, Brendon, I want you to make love to me," he moans into my ear almost shyly, biting his lip like he's embarrassed at the confession. I freeze, my heart stuttering pathetically in my chest while I try to figure out if he actually just said what I think he did.

I pull back to meet his shy eyes, bringing my hands out of his pants and up his back again, a comforting gesture. "What?" I barely breathe out, my mind bursting with about a million different feelings that I don't understand because this incredible, loving, beautiful boy just asked me to take the most valuable thing he has.

I mean, this is Ryan. The fidgety, adorable, clueless boy that didn't even know what a blowjob was. He can't possibly understand to the full extent what he's asking me to do - what he's offering to give me.

"Ryan... I don't think you really want that," I say slowly as he blinks his wide eyes at me. He frowns, about to protest so I quickly continue. "That- that's a huge thing. You can't possibly understand-"

"Don't patronize me," he creases his eyebrows, looking at me reproachfully. I blink, taken aback by how mature he sounds and it hits me that I sometimes forget how smart he actually is, not to mention he's older than me. "I know what I'm asking. I may not know exactly how it works..." he trails off, averting his eyes as a soft pink appears on his cheeks. "But I know that it's a big deal. And I also know that I love you and if there's someone I trust to take my virginity it's you," he says weakly, but his expression is anything but. His eyes are determined and sure. I swallow thickly at his confession, feeling kind of stupid for treating him like a child and also feeling incredibly loved.