Something Worth Living For {Ryden AU}

7b

He arrives soon, and when I see him I'm greeted with yet another hug. I'm growing fond of these hugs, and I'm pretty sure they last longer each time.

"Hey," he smiles, and my stomach is all jittery again.

"Hi, there," I laugh, ruffling his hair before he pulls back. I hear Spencer saying something, coming down the hallway.

"Oh, Brendon, is that your boyf-ow!" Spencer gets cuts off by Jayda kicking him.

"You're an idiot," she tells him.

"Is it okay if I go put my bag in your room?" Ryan asks me, shooting Spencer and Jayda, who are now wrestling on the floor, an amused glance.

"Yeah, sure," I smile. His hand brushes mine when he passes me and it's ridiculous that that gives me chills. I'm in a hazy, smiley, daydream-y state, but then the apartment buzzer goes off and I groan because I know it's William. I go buzz him in without saying anything and then I turn around and retreat to my room.

"Don't bother me," I call to the struggling pair over my shoulder before walking into my room. Ryan was coming out just as I was coming in, and we run right into each other. I grab him, steadying myself, and he laughs a little nervously.

"Sorry," he says sheepishly.

"It's fine," I smile. "I thought we could just hang in here because I don't feel like dealing with William," I tell him. All William does is make me nervous. He's mean to Ryan, but if I'm not mistaken, he always has that underlying look of interest when he looks at Ryan. And I definitely don't want Ryan anywhere near him.

"He's coming?" Ryan makes a face.

"Unfortunately."

"Great," Ryan sighs, flopping down on my bed. He lifts his head up, looking around curiously. "Why is your room so clean?" he wonders.

"I just felt like cleaning," I shrug, leaving out the part where I did it because he was coming. He just nods, and we fall back into silence. He's biting his nails - something I've figured out he does when he's nervous. It's not an awkward silence, it's comfortable. I sit at the foot of my bed, facing him and looking down at my fingers, absently tapping rhythms onto my knee. I really wouldn't even mind if we spent all night like this. I just like him being here.

Plus, when he's here I know that he's not getting hurt.

"Can I ask you something?" he suddenly breaks the silence. I look up to meet his gaze, nodding. He seems to contemplate it for a moment, a crease in his eyebrows and his bottom lip between his teeth. He finally asks, "Why did you... do those things with William?" I freeze, my eyes going wide from embarrassment all of a sudden. "I mean, you act like you can't stand him," he adds confusedly.

"Well," I start, clearing my throat to buy time. Honestly, I only hooked up with William because he was there, and it was easy. But I'm afraid if I tell Ryan that, he'll think less of me. "I mean, I used to be a different person," I tell him. He nods, having heard that from multiple people. "But it's not like I only changed for the bad - I used to be nice and friendly and perky, yeah, but I was also shallow as fuck, and I see that now. I hooked up with William because... well, because it was easy," I admit, my shoulders slumping slightly. I do feel bad about it, but it's not like he wasn't using me too.

"You know, everyone acts like you're some kind of robot," he starts, and my throat tightens. I hate when people call me that, "but I don't get why they say that. You've always been nice to me. Maybe not that first week, but other than that..." he trails off, shrugging. I think, yeah, that's because I act different with you.

"I haven't been as bad since you came along," I say instead. My lips twitch up a little, and I look up to see him smiling at me. I remember when I first met him, it was so hard to get him to smile, and I wanted to see it so bad. His smiles come so easily now. I probably don't even deserve them.

Our blissful silence is interrupted by my door being thrown open, William barging in with Jayda on his heels.

"Leave them alone," she says exasperatedly. I honestly don't even know why she bothers with him. She could do so much better.

"Oh, I didn't know you were here," he says to Ryan, seemingly surprised. "Look at you two all cozy." I roll my eyes at his stupid smirk, rubbing my forehead and trying to will him out of existence. It's not working.

"What do you want?" I ask, my face twisting into something similar to disgust, which seems about right.

"Hey, no need to be rude," he grins, walking over and sitting down on my bed in between us. I turn to give Jayda a look, trying to convey with my eyes that I would like her to remove her boyfriend immediately, thank you.

"Oh look, you're wearing normal clothes," he laughs lightly, gesturing to Ryan who is again only clad in jeans and a t-shirt. Ryan looks down, biting his lip and not responding.

"Shut up," I say, annoyed. He ignores me.

"You know," he starts, leaning back and looking at Ryan in a considering way, "I've come to the conclusion that you must have some sort of mental deficiency. That's probably why you're so weird," he nods sympathetically in a mocking fashion. I feel anger steadily rising, and I don't get angry very often, but I can feel heat in my veins. I don't understand why he's picking on Ryan; sweet, quiet Ryan who's done nothing at all to make William treat him this way.

"William," Jayda hisses, walking over and grabbing his arm.

"I bet you're the type of kid who locks himself in the closet," he says, and then he laughs and adds, "That totally has a double meaning. Don't think I haven't seen you making heart eyes at Brendon."

"Get him the fuck out of here," I yell to Jayda. I'm not really mad at her, but I'm mad nonetheless. I can't remember the last time I raised my voice like that. But Jayda isn't moving, she's staring wide-eyed behind me.

"Brendon," she says, and her voice sounds panicky. William isn't laughing anymore. I whip my head around and my heart sinks. Ryan is clutching the comforter with one hand and his throat with the other, breathing in choppy, uneven breaths, his chest heaving. If I was angry before, then I'm fucking furious now.

"You fucking idiot!" I yell at William, moving over swiftly to sit in front of Ryan, putting my hand on the side of his neck and making calming noises. "Jayda, water?" I ask, and I can hear her exiting the room. Ryan opens his eyes and they're watering, looking at me helplessly. I really hope I don't have to witness too many of these, because it's killing me.

"I-I'm sorry," William stutters, walking over and kneeling beside the bed. "I didn't-"

"Bullshit!" I finally snap, directing all my pent-up anger toward him. "Don't act like you feel bad! You've been an asshole to him for no reason ever since you met him, and you don't get to be sorry," I finish, tearing my angry gaze from his and looking at Ryan worriedly again. He looks like he can't get enough air, like he honestly can't breathe, and this is a lot worse than last time.

Word Count: 1296