To Love (Mpreg, Scömíche)

Chapter 32

August 13th, 2017

Aria: 7 months

The past month has been the hardest month for us. 

We are back on tour, our last tour with Avi, and things are not how they should be.

There is this little rivalry that still burns strong in the group. 

Kirsitie is now an outsider. She is no longer allowed to ride on the same bus as me, she no longer is allowed to wander into other dressing rooms, and the only person that will actually talk to her is Kevin. It breaks my heart for I can see that is becoming depressed. 

Kevin is frustrated with all of us for not showing some sign of pity for Kirstie, or even some mercy. He has tried to plead with Avi, Esther and Scott to see reason, but it only adds to the tension. He has talked to me on several occasions asking if I understood where he was coming from with this heartbroken look in his eyes, and I assure him that I can.

Avi seems torn between depressed and angry. He no longer makes eye  contact with Kirstie, and when she enters the room he leaves. His anger has come out in fits of protectiveness of me and Aria, always wanting to know where we are or even yelling at me for wandering to the bathroom on my own. I know though his anger is just his way of handling heartbreak, for he was in love with her. He was madly in love with Kirstie and her betrayal has hit him the hardest. Not to mention I can see it in his eyes as he counts down the days, counting down his last days of being a Pentatonix member. I do not know if he sees the end of his days with us as a relief, a fear, or grief, but I like to believe it's a combination of all.

Scott is heartbroken. He seems lost for we have lost a part of the trio, our best friend for years. This has thrown him through a loop for he can't understand it at all. He doesn't understand how she can throw 15 years of friendship out the door no matter how vulnerable she was. He feels as though he is losing two members of the family he had built. He has no idea how to cope with it all. He clings to me a little tighter at night, and will even sing to Aria when he knows he's supposed to be on vocal rest holding her close to him like she may be taken away. For I know that is his fear, he fears losing me and her. The fact that Jeremy had been making plans to take Aria and I from him is the part that is getting to him the most. It's like he is now afraid to let us out of his sight. He hates leaving Aria backstage, even if it is just with Esther and Austin. He does not like it when I leave the room, or if I even leave our bed in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. His fear of losing us is tearing him apart.

I wish I could say I'm handling it well, that I'm putting on a brave face, and I am...except it's just that...a face. It's all an act, I'm falling apart. The thought of somebody out there has made plans of kidnapping me and my daughter, and raping me has led to many nights of nightmares that leave me trembling against Scott as I sob. The idea of the woman that had once been my best friend betraying my trust has left me heartbroken, and questioning if I can ever trust again. I find myself falling back into a hole...getting bad again. I cling to Scott, not liking to be away from him. I hate leaving Aria just as much as Scott even if it's only for a couple of hours. I look around me, and no longer see my happy family, but a broken one. I want to help them all. I want to make it go away, but I have no idea how. I just don't want anyone to hurt anymore, I want things bad to the way they were.

Our group is not the only thing that has changed. Security is so tight it's a wonder we can even do meet and greets. I know the fans have noticed the weapons that security now carry, and are wondering. Security forbids me from seeing fans after shows at the buses, they follow me anytime I leave the dressing room, and it leaves me feeling even more tense. One of them is a never ending presence watching over my daughter making sure nobody that isn't supposed to comes near her. Even the crew are on edge, and the laughter that had once existed almost constantly is now a rarity.