To Love (Mpreg, Scömíche)

Chapter 40

Warning this chapter contains talk of self harm, eating disorder, homophobia, and domestic violence.

January 24

Aria: a year old

The camera is on as I sit still in my outfit for the small birthday party for Aria's first birthday. A simple outfit of a t-shirt with a light brown leather jacket over top and black skinny jeans.

Aria has long since been put to bed with it being ten o'clock. It had been a mess with cake everywhere that required a long bath for her. But, it was perfect. Just our closest family and friends, nobody that would disrespect or make a comment about the leaked information. Those that did were only upset by the leak or offered support. It was an adorable party that was frog themed.

Yet, sitting here on the Superfruit set with Scott beside me it seems like a life time ago.

He wears the same outfit he had been wearing a Superfruit t-shirt and black jeans. Something is almost sad about it now with his face serious.

Scott's fingers are entangled with mine offering me support by just being here as I speak:

"Today is January 24th, 2018. I celebrated my daughter's first birthday today, and it was in doing this that I decided. I am done being silent. I must be strong for my little girl, she needs to know that there is a story behind those pictures that were leaked, and those records,"

"I suppose I should start from the beginning. Ever since I was little I have struggled with social anxiety, and depression. I had panic attacks in elementary school that left with me being bullied by the other kids. I often had to leave school early due to them. It wasn't until I found music in the form of musicals that they calmed down a little. But, it still was far from perfect. I still struggled a lot with panic attacks happening almost daily,"

"It was after my diagnoses of being a Carrier, and my first Transition that things got worse, for it felt like the end of the world to me. I was fifteen years old, I still haven't come out gay to my parents, and I was depressed. I started to lose my appetite and decided that I may not be able to control everything else in my life, but I can control what I put into my body. So, I stopped eating, I mean I wasn't hungry anyway. I ate very little a banana or apple a day, with lots of water,"

"But that didn't help enough for me. I decided I needed more. I needed something to stop the whirl wind of emotions that ran through me, something to take away the emotional pain. That is when I started cutting usually on my legs or stomach somewhere that no one would notice,"

"It was around this time that I decided to come out to my parents. It was at dinner; my sister was gone to college. I told them bluntly that I am gay. I was greeted with dead silence. Nobody said anything in anger or glee or understanding. Nothing, and somehow that was worse,"

"I remember running to my bedroom locking the door and spending the next couple of hours crying not understanding how my parents couldn't love me enough to react. It was like I didn't matter enough to have them react. Later, I left my room to go to the bathroom when I heard my dad on the phone in his office,"

"He was on the phone with a relative. Um...My dad was crying repeating that he didn't understand and how afraid he was. That was when I heard the mention of conversion therapy. They were talking about sending me to get conversion therapy like I had some illness. Here I was a Carrier that literally had the parts to conceive a child and be with a man, yet they still couldn't see it as okay. It was sickening. I ran back to my room locking the door and called my best friend, Scott. I told him everything crying to him over the phone. He listened and even offered to have me live with him and his parents,"