Happily Married [COMPLETE]

[27]

November 26th 2017

Calvin furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at the eggs in the bowl in front of him. He had no idea why he was doing this, but he knew that he felt like he had to.

After spending the whole of the previous day ignoring his wife and going out of his way to make sure that he stayed out of her way even though he had come home straight after work, he had no idea why he had woken up early to make her breakfast.

Calvin had woken up an hour earlier than usual to make his wife -the woman that he couldn't wait to hand a divorce to before Christmas- breakfast. His eyes had lingered on her sleeping figure on the couch, not sure if he should wake her up. But luckily, he had decided against that at the last minute, hoping that the smell of food would do the job for him. He couldn't even imagine how awkward it would be if he were the one to wake her up after forcing a kiss on her the other night.

He didn't regret it, trying to kiss her. But he did regret that she pulled away, that she didn't want it; that she didn't want him. Calvin wasn't hurt that she pulled away -mostly because he loved her- but he was surprised. Surprised that she didn't kiss him even though he knew and she knew, that she was still head over heels in love with him. If she wasn't, then she would have left him already, especially with the current circumstances that were doing much more than just strain their relationship.

He knew that Audrey had pushed him away because she believed that it was wrong; for him to kiss another woman while he claimed to love Jane. And he realised that too, but afterwards.

Despite the fact that he was married to Audrey and not Jane, he had put Audrey in such a position that she felt that it was wrong to kiss her husband, to accept any physical intimacy from him because he was in love with another woman.

He respected his wife for that.

After sleeping on it and spending the whole of the next day ignoring her, Calvin knew that an apology was in order. He had already called up Jane and informed her that he had tried to kiss Audrey. He had explained that it was a mistake, and he obviously wasn't thinking, and was surprised that she took it so well. It felt good that he had been truthful with Jane as he really wanted their relationship to last, and he didn't want to build it on lies and dishonesty.

But he also realised that Audrey deserved an apology.

Not just for trying to kiss her, but for everything that he had put her through.

There were times that Calvin did think that he was being too harsh on Audrey, that perhaps it wasn't entirely her fault. He did sometimes wonder if their relationship would be any different if they were able to have their own family.

Calvin knew that most of the fault was probably his, since he should have just gone for a clean break beforehand instead of taking on multiple loves throughout the years while he was still married to Audrey. However, he couldn't deny that he didn't love her and sooner or later, he would feel the need to leave her, to escape from the empty shell that their marriage had very soon become.

But maybe, just because he didn't love her, didn't mean that they couldn't be very friends. Or at the very least, acquaintances until they finally and completely end their relationship and moves on with their separate lives.

At times, Calvin would find himself unable to sleep at night because he was thinking about Audrey. Not in a romantic way, but the way where he felt guilty for putting her through so much.

Life had been very kind to him in the sense that he had found Audrey, fallen in love with her and gotten married while he was still quite young. A few years down the line, he had fallen out of love with her but had found someone else that he wanted to spend the rest of his life. And in that sense, he was grateful that there was never a moment that he was fully alone because even when he couldn't stand Audrey those initial few months after finding out that it was her fault that they couldn't start their own family, he knew that he still had her to fall back if he ever needed it.