Something Real | MakoHaru

love is white as snow

I want to be hurt instead of you
so that there'll be no scars in your heart

   Tiny white snow fell slowly on the roadside as he stepped foot for the first time. It's winter, and 5 months passed since they parted again.

   They parted again as always.

   And it's because of Haru's mistake.

   By the time Makoto felt bliss, Haru thought he does not deserve to be loved and even felt so unfair that Makoto is so sure of his feelings whereas he is still doubting his. The sun started to rise up, making the light sting as it touched their skin.

   At the same moment, their hearts were, too.

   'Makoto?' He remembered his voice shook while his body trembled tremendously. The soft, gentle and caring voice of Makoto made him raise his eyebrows.

   'What do you think of me?' He remembered gazing at the sun that's already making its way up. As he slowly turned to him, he remembered that huge smile on his face.

   It was a very, very genuine one. It was one of a kind that he himself never get to see before. His eyes showed the confidence and the sureness, and he felt like he is ready to tell him how much he loved him from the very start.

   'You are like a god.' He started, voice like honey to his ears. 'You are untouchable. You are so breathtakingly beautiful that I can't describe words about your beauty.'

   'You are so highly wonderful that I felt like it's wrong to be with you. You are very pure like the snow falling from the sky; unique like the snowflakes falling with them. I am just a person that happened to meet you. I am nothing but someone. Sometimes, I felt like you are so far even when you're so near to me. But somehow I felt like this is right, because you are a god to me and someone like me who has nothing can also do nothing but to worship you.' He remembered his eyes twinkled at that time before he repeated while looking around. 'To worship. To adore. To love. Those are the things I did for you.'

   'I know you are unaware of those things,' His forest green eyes met his azure ones, making him freeze as if it's ice trapping him. 'But because of these hidden feelings, you were able to smile in front of me.'

   Haru remembered Makoto giving a long pause at the same time looking at the sun-lit sky; their naked bodies still intact with each other. 'At that moment when I saw you heartbroken and helpless, I was even more hurt in my heart. It felt so unfair because I sacrificed everything for you to be happy with him, yet he left you in that kind of state.'

   He remember himself noticing the tear falling from his eye, and gently dried it. Makoto gave a smile, but it wasn't enough to hold those tears back.

   'When I was about to hold you, I asked myself: is this even right? I feared that I will make you impure because I am unclean. But nevertheless, I...'

   He remembered him seaming his lips as he tried to continue, but he instead failed and ended up crying. At that time, Haru regretted asking that question.

   Because he already knew how much he loved him right from the start, but he still had the audacity to ask the same damn question with the fucking obvious answer.

   'But why me?' He asked again, slowly drying those tears with his fingers. His eyes trailed along, hoping to find answers. 'Why me of all people?'

   His hand met Makoto's, and squeezed it tenderly. 'I don't even know, Haru. Even if I think of other people, it will always be you.'