Something Real | MakoHaru

hold my hand and don't let go

just sit back and relax
even if it's for a minute
i don't want you
to push yourself too hard

  The world isn't as cruel as the two thought.

  On the days Makoto laid as Haru stayed by his side, he clung with hope—even praying to gods he don't believe in. They were desperate—it was too early and it felt like hands held their throats together, grasping desperately for air. But they did not stop—the patient himself is aware of their effort, making him give them a weak, but fighting smile.

  And Haru felt like it's worth fighting for.

  The traces of Mako is already gone in the patient—the blonde color of his hair is now fading into olive green that made him feel the way he was before and that smug look on his face turned to the kindest and the softest smiles they've ever seen all of their lives. Everyday, there are words of love coming from his mouth that he passed to Haru, and the sincerest, tender whispers to his ears as he passed out to sleep. He worked hard, he thought everytime he played with his hair.

  Everyday seemed to be a fight for him and his body as he wrestles into life and death, unaware what will happen to him next.

  'What will happen if I leave you?' asked Makoto one time when Haru took care of him. The question shook him as he stopped and clenched his fists. It's an unavoidable question as his death could happen anytime—it could be right at this moment, but he doesn't care at all—he just wants to know.

  'I don't know...' Uncertainty is all over Haru's face as he avoided his gaze—Makoto knew he's about to cry. 'Maybe I'll die also afterwards.'

  'Don't.' is all could he say. And Haru couldn't even hear it.

   Days are starting to count and it isn't a surprise that Makoto's hair fell out from the chemotherapy sessions. The question left an awkward impression on the both of them as the atmosphere made a protective distance from each other: neither of them opened their mouths unless it's important, and with this pattern, they felt it draining them.

  Haru is getting tired, and when the patient asked him the same question again, it resulted to him walking out and never coming back.

  All he could answer to Makoto's question is that he wishes he could die next.

  He's serious about it.

  But he never believe it.

  The days followed as Haru avoided Makoto, with him getting anxious as he waited for the news from the patient's family himself, hoping for the best, while at the same time, the worst.

  He couldn't take it anymore—anything from Makoto somehow became a need for him. He wants him. He needs him. He loves him. He doesn't care what's going on anymore—he just wants to see him and apologize—tell him things more and more.

  But the room where Makoto was is empty.

  Panicking, he looked around crazily, hoping for answers from anyone—but no one answered and made him looked like a madman. Makoto Tachibana in the hospital is a secret—Haruka Nanase is trying to pry in as he doesn't know whether the one he loves is either dead or alive. But there's nothing, and all he could do is wait.

  So he waited—but later on, gave up.

  The 30th of November became a cold night for Haruka. Even though there were greetings and gifts around, it still feels vague for him. Life, for him, isn't the same anymore—it gets sadder and sadder everyday, and he just wants to kill himself already. He already gave up on the thought of finding him again, but he won't die yet if he just knew he's alive.

  He got startled from his thoughts as he heard a knock on the door, making him irritated as who'd come to greet him at this very hour. Body weak to sadness and loneliness to the love he hoped for, he slowly opened the door.

  'Happy Birthday.'

  Haruka Nanase's chest tightened by the thumping of his heart, along with the euphoria and the relief he felt as he saw him, alive.

  'Makoto...' is all he could say as he ran into his arms, hugging him tightly just to make sure that he is real. That Makoto's alive and is finally in his arms. Tears are nowhere to contain as he wept in happiness. 'You're alive.'

  'I am.' He whispered, hugging him tightly before he pulled him into a kiss. 'So please don't let me go.'

everything is okay baby
just hold my hand and don't let go
and stay with you every step of the way
i promise you