Something Real | MakoHaru

don't let me go

useless monologues kept increasing,
i call and call but the answers are decreasing;
where are you right now?
please come back to me.

He continued to stare at Makoto's photo on his contacts. A new year passed, and Haru never thought his life would end up this way upon meeting him again. Slowly, he felt he is haunted by him, making him think of the memories they shared. Still staring, he contemplated whether he'll call or do the first move to work things out. After seeing all the calls from Makoto he either ignored or hung up to, the pit of his stomach swam a pool guiltiness as he continued to think of him.

It was Friday at that time and the snow outside gradually melted but still thick as fuck. Haru's house is depressingly silent as only his parents went to celebrate Christmas with him, and even if in his normal days he was used to that fact, he suddenly became completely new to it. Is it because of the past turning back again?

As always, no one knew that sometimes he runs to escape from his problems that he created, and he breaks down if he couldn't find the answers and feel lost. As soon as he stepped outside the snow-covered ground, he already knew he is running away again.

He doesn't even know where the hell is he going to. His feet were walking on its own while his mind was blank and the floating of his senses were numb and light. Against the chilly cold, the sweater he was wearing was the thinest of all, but it never had affected on how he felt emotionless. He felt blank. Numb. Like a void.

Haru? I just want to say Merry Christmas...

How are you?

Did you eat everyday? Was it still the usual grilled Mackerel?

I'm hoping you have a great time there.

I'm sorry. I just wanted to be by your side.

I'm sorry if I hurt you. I made a mistake.

I'm sorry, Haru. I'm sorry.

I missed you... so much than I've got to say.

I wish I did not come back here. I know you did think of that too. I'm sorry for everything.

I want to see you.
I love you. I miss you. I want to see you. I want to tell you how much you mean to me. But because of these kinds of feelings, the way we are before is far from what we have now. I'm so sorry, Haru.

In his mind were countless of voicemails he had received from Makoto, and every inch of his heart had panged as soon as he heard those little cries, those words so sincere it made him sad, and those feelings that were gushing out of the blue.

Why were you even saying sorry if it wasn't even your fault on the first place?

He walked on carelessly, letting his legs move without rest as he tried to think of things. His life was a mess, and that's because of his fault. When he ended up things with Rin, he had the closure about something between them, but it left a traumatizing wound on Rin as Haru had promised him that he will never remember who he was or what did he even made sense in his life.

A few moments later his phone started to ring as he sat down on the bench he saw. His freezing hand held his phone as he glanced the caller I.D. His breath hitched, still contemplatimg whether to answer it or not. But he started to think that he should, because all he wanted was to hear the voice he was longing again.

With a trembling hand, he answered the call and pressed the cold screen of the phone on his ear.

Haru?