Forgive Me

Forgive Me Ch. 7

Chapter Seven

Jackie

The hospital was silent. I couldn't hear anything, and that made me want to scream. I hated the silence. Normally I had Julie's quiet murmuring next to my ear, which made me remember that I wasn't alone.

It was nice of my brothers and Lacey to show up, but I didn't want them to see my like this. I was bald, and in pain. Actually, I was in more pain then I let Julie believe. I saw the hurt in her eyes when she looked at me. I guess there was more than one of us putting up an act.

I couldn't stand staying in this bed any longer. The tubes had been taken out earlier, and even though I was unsteady, I got out of the bed. I held tightly to the back rail of the bed. "Come on Jack," I hissed, "Pull yourself together."

My legs were a little shaky, but I forced them to walk straight. Slowly, I walked out of the room, and started down the hall. I looked around, but there were no nurses. I was in the clear.

So I continued down the hallway, and found a nice area where people were allowed to sit, and relax. When I got there, I saw a little boy. I sat down next to him, and smiled. "Hi, who're you?" I asked.

He lifted his little bald head up, and looked at me. His brown eyes were a little scared, but there was a smile on his lips. "Toby," He murmured.

"I'm Jackie," I smiled, "What do you have?"

"Leukemia," He sighed, "How about you?"

"Whatever you call five tumors," I grumbled.

"Five?" He asked.

"Yup," I sighed, "But I've survived all of them so far. Pray that I'll get through this last one."

"I'm not catholic," He told me.

"Oh," I grumbled, "Sorry."

"I'll still pray," He told me, "I'll pray for you, if you pray for me!"

I grasped his hand, and held it tightly. "Of course I'll pray for you," I told him. "I like you Toby. How long have you been here?"

"Two weeks," He growled, "And I hate it."

"Is that why you're here?" I asked.

"Yeah," He grumbled, "Sometimes I just can't sleep."

"Are your parents not here?" I questioned.

Toby lowered his head. "My parents are dead," He murmured, "But my Aunt is here. She sleeps like a rock though."

"I'm sorry," I answered, patting his back, "My Dad left us when I was only a baby."

"I'm sorry," He responded.

"Do you have any brothers and sisters?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"No," He sighed, "I don't even know why I'm trying to survive."

"Don't talk like that," I told him, "There are probably plenty of people who love you, and want you to hold on. Plus you're young. There's so much you'll be able to do."

"I guess," He sighed, and then looked up at me, "Do you have any brothers and sisters?"

I smiled. "As a matter of fact, I have too many," I told him, "I have four brothers, and one sister."

"Can I have one of your brothers?" He asked.

"No, sorry," I smiled.

I sat back on the couch, and put my feet up on the table. "How old are you Toby?" I asked.

"Seven," He smiled, "I'm going to be eight in two days!"

"Really? That's awesome," I smiled.

"How old are you?" He asked.

"Nineteen," I told him, "I'm supposed to be in college, but I'm stuck here. It really stinks."

"I'm sorry," He apologized, "But do you get out early?"

"In a week, maybe," I said, "That's what they told me, but you never know with cancer. They also told me that I was cancer free at the age of fifteen."

"Really?" Toby asked.

"Yup," I sighed, "My life's been a rollercoaster ride."

It was silent between them for a few seconds, but it was a comfortable silence. I liked sitting here and talking with Toby. He was a nice, and easy to talk too. "Jackie, will you come visit me on my birthday?" Toby asked.

"Of course," I told him, "What would you like for your birthday?"

"No, nothing," He argued, "Just come and talk with me. It'd be nice to have someone new come and visit me."

"Well of course I'll come visit you," I told him, "I know I love when people come visit me. Sometimes I don't like it though, because I don't like them seeing my bald head."

"Me too," Toby laughed, rubbing his hand over his bald head.

A nurse came storming down the hall. "Miss Hemerson and Mr. Blake," She snapped, "Who do you think you two are? It's late, and you're both supposed to be in bed."

"We were just talking," I told her, "No need to fret."

"Well we were all worried," She said, "Toby; all of your nurses were looking all over for you."

"I wasn't that far away," Toby shrugged.

"Well now it's time for bed," The nurse growled. She came closer, and grabbed Toby's hand, yanking him off of the couch.

"Hey be careful," I warned.

"Me dragging him won't harm any treatments," She snapped.

"I wasn't talking about treatments," I growled, "He's still a kid, and needs to be taken care of. Just because he has cancer doesn't mean you can act like he's not a person. You can't drag a child around like you are. He was a child before he had cancer."

The nurse stared at me silently. She knew I was right. So she slowly brought Toby back to his room. I took that nasty look she gave me as a warning to get back to my room before she got back.

So I slowly walked towards my room. The hall was dark though, and I stumbled along with my shaky legs. I felt the wall with my arms, and then slowly stumbled into my room. When I was in there, it finally dawned on me that I didn't know Toby's room number. So I would just have to get Julie to ask one of the nurses- a nicer nurse.

I walked over to my bed, and collapsed on it. It took so much energy just to get out of my bed. Walking up and down the halls, I hoped would tire me out so I was able to fall asleep quickly.

It didn't come easily though, because I still wanted my sister here beside me. I didn't want her home with our Mother. I wanted her here. I knew it made her upset to see me like this, but I didn't want her home. When she was here, I knew she was safe. When she was at home, I didn't know what was going on. For all I knew, Julie could be crying herself to sleep, and I wouldn't be able to help her.