Forgive Me

Forgive Me Ch. 33

Hey guys! this story is coming to an end! this is the 2nd 2 last chapter, and i jst want to thank you all for sticking with me through it!!

Let me kno wat u think through comments, votes, and fans;)

hahah u kno the drill!!

keep writing!

cheesehead

Chapter Thirty Three

Julie

Jackie was dead. The doctors verified it after Jackie's eyes had closed and never opened again. We all stood by her bed, and stared at her lifeless form. "Well that's a shame," Suzan muttered, and I just wanted to slap her. I didn't though.

James was going to take me home, but instead I wanted to stop by our real house. Mom was at the hospital, because she was the legal guardian, the nurses asked her to stay back. That allowed James to take me home. "I just want to go to our old room," I promised.

When I got inside, I walked upstairs and into Jackie and my old room. It was the same way Jackie had left it, except all of my stuff was cleared out. Just seeing Jackie's stuff made me start to cry. James patted my shoulder, and then went down stairs to leave me in peace.

I slowly went through Jackie's things. I pulled out her clothes that were shoved in drawers, and folded them neatly. Then I cleaned her closest. I don't know why I did those things, but I did. It was like Jackie was there with me. Then I moved over to Jackie's desk.

As a child I was told never to go in Jackie's desk. So normally I wouldn't, but I felt like all of Jackie's things should be tidied up. Also, I felt as if this stuff didn't belong here with Mom, but at Jason's new home with me. So before I opened the desk, I piled Jackie's outfits, shoes, and posters into the suitcase. Then I opened Jackie's desk drawer. In the first drawer were a bunch of papers and construction paper. On each of those papers was a drawing. Then at the bottom, it read: Luv Jull. They made me smile. I didn't know that Jackie had saved all the pictures I made for her. I took the papers out, and put them in the suitcase.

I opened the next drawers, and found magazines, homework, cards, and even packs of cigarettes. I knew why they were there though. Sometimes I would pretend to be asleep when Jackie would come in. She would close the door so I wouldn't wake up to Mom screaming about her cigarettes walking away. Then a drawer would open, and slam shut. Jackie wasn't smoking them, she was hiding them. I loved that Jackie had the courage to do that.

"Jull, are you almost done?" James whispered.

"Yeah," I muttered, "And I don't ever want to come back here."

"Good," James responded.

I walked over, and zipped the suitcase up. "More stuff?" James chuckled, "How much do you have?"

"It's Jackie's," I murmured, "She doesn't want to come back here either."

The small smile that James tried to attempt disappeared. He gave a slight nod, and then motioned me out the door. I walked slowly down the empty halls.

I had been to Lacey's house so many times, and every hall was filled with pictures in picture frames. We didn't have any of those. The walls were just bare, and white. That bothered me.

James put his hand on my back, and slowly guided me down the rest of the stairs, and outside. I took a quick look at the house, and then rushed to the car. "Just take me home," I murmured, settling in the passenger seat.

"You don't want to go to the hospital?" James asked.

"No," I answered.

"Are you sure?" He pressed.

"Yes," I replied.

"Julie, I think you should go back," James whispered.

"James," I hissed, "Please."

He looked at me, and then sighed. He started up the car, and pulled out of the driveway. I watched as the old house looked empty. Maybe I should have been living there, and kicking Mom out. Of course though, it would bring back to many memories, and the house would forever smell like smoke. I wouldn't be able to stand that.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" James whispered.

"No," I murmured.

"You'll probably be alone in that house," James pressed.

"Rosie won't be home?" I asked.

"No," He answered.

"Then I want to be alone," I replied.

"Alright," He sighed, "But I'm going to check up on you."

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled.

James continued to drive a little further, and then we were at Jason and Rosie's house. I never noticed how big it looked with the thought of Jackie not there. It was weird, but that was how it looked. It looked as if it could take in someone else, but no one wanted it too. Then I realized that though there was no one in it, the house still looked completely empty. It looked like something was missing. Or someone.

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" James asked.

"Yes," I murmured, and then got out of the car. I waved good bye to him, and then walked into the house. It was empty.

I dragged Jackie's bag up the stairs. I hit the bag on every stair behind me, but didn't think to pick it up. I was traveling in a daze. I was a wreck. Both Jackie and Lacey were gone. What did I do to deserve that?

Mentally, as I walked into my room, I counted all of the bad things in my life. One, my sister's dead. Two, my best friend is dead. Three, I had to move out of my house. Four, my Mom smokes and drinks like no other- and she doesn't care what I do. Five, I don't know my Father. Six, I don't have a Father.

As I unpacked Jackie's things, I knew no one could compare to that list. My life was officially a wreck. That made the tears stream faster down my face. Then I looked at Jackie's deserted bed. The sheets were messed up, and there was an imprint in the pillow where Jackie laid her head. Seeing that made me cry harder. I collapsed onto the bed, and rested my head where Jackie's was.

Come on Jull, Jackie's mental voice whispered in my head, what're the good things? When you make a list, you can't only list the bad things.

I sat up shakily. "Come on," I cried, "Think." I couldn't really think of anything though.

Then I heard a door open and close. "I'm here Jull," James called, and I knew he came back because he didn't want to leave me alone. He wasn't babying me, but he knew that I would need someone to cry on. Jackie had only died today, and Lacey died a few days before that. Soon the two that I loved would both be in the ground together.

So for Jackie's sake, I sucked the tears up, and listed the things that were good in my life. One, I had four loving brothers. Two, I knew my mother. Three, I would be able to find my Father if I ever wanted to with the technology today. Four, I had met Riley and I had become great friends with him. Five, I had a place to live. Six, the house I lived in didn't smell like smoke. Seven, I had the best sister in the whole world. I realized there that I wouldn't change the memories I had with Jackie for anything in the world.

I would miss her, but I knew I would get by.