Forgive Me

Forgive Me Ch. 29

Chapter Twenty Nine

Julie

Yes, I knew Jackie was getting sicker, but I didn't think she was dying soon. So I sat by her bed side every day. Jason knew that I was upset, so he didn't even bother to tell me to go to school anymore.

Each day, Jackie was getting sicker. She was throwing up more, and she just didn't look herself. Her face was pale, but her eyelids purple. Her lips were chapped. It took great strength for her to speak. I held on to her hand most of the times, and sometimes I even climbed into bed with her so we'd be close. "Don't give up," I pleaded every day, "Please stay strong."

"I will," She always promised, and then would close her eyes as if just saying that strained her.

Four days after Lacey's funeral, Heather came strolling into the room. I was lying in the bed next to Jackie, and we were reading a magazine together. "Hi Heather," I smiled, because Jackie was having a rough day talking.

"Julie, Jackie," She murmured, "I have some bad news."

"What is it?" I asked, sitting up straighter in the bed.

"Jackie, it's Toby," Heather sobbed, a tear falling off of her cheek.

"What's...wrong...with... him?" Jackie croaked.

"Jackie...he's dead," Heather whispered.

"What?" Jackie and I both yelled.

"He died this morning," Heather explained, "No one saw it coming. He has seizures, Jackie, and it was bad this time. It wasn't the cancer that killed him. He hit his head badly, but he was still having a seizure. I'm so sorry."

It took all Jackie's strength, but she started to cry. I could count on one hand the amount of times I saw Jackie cry. In the beginning I tried to be strong for her, but when that didn't work out, she became the strong one. When she became the strong one, she decided she also wasn't going to cry in front of me. So when I saw her eyes tear up, I knew that Toby must have meant something to her.

"He's gone," Jackie sobbed, burying her face in her hands.

"Oh Jackie," I mumbled. I gathered my sister in my arms. She cried into my shoulder, and I held while she shook.

"I'm so sorry Jackie," Heather whispered, and then walked out the door.

"He was my only friend here," Jackie cried, "And I was praying he would make it."

"He was a nice kid," I agreed.

"I'm going to miss him," She told me.

"I know," I muttered.

"No you don't know," Jackie snapped, pulling away.

"What?" I asked.

"How come I got to live?" She growled, "My life has been thrown away in this hospital, but his...he was almost out of here Jull. I would have given anything to just have him here alive."

"You don't mean that," I told her.

"Yes I do," She snapped, "Look at me Julie. Just look at me."

"I am," I whispered.

"What do you see?" She asked.

"My sister," I smiled.

"No," Jackie growled, "You see a girl who has been sick her whole life, and is reaching the end. How can you not see that Julie?"

"Because you're my sister, and I love you," I whispered, "Isn't that enough?"

"You've looked at me every day," Jackie whimpered, "And you can't see how I'm changing for the worse? You can't just see it in my face? I'm dying Julie, and it's torturing me."