Crushing On Him... (Diggy Simmons Fanfic)

Chapter 10

The guilt was striking me hard over the next few days. Of course I had to keep up with my school work but the one thing that bothered me was everyone asking "what happened to Alyssa?" and they were thinking right when they thought I had something to do with it. Diggy didn't know, neither did Kayla, Marie, Mack or his boys. No one in school knew. Not even the little clique Alyssa once called her friends before they dumped her after my party. But I did. It was taking over me. I was thinking of everything that would have happened if she was still here. Still pregnant...Still having Diggy's baby.

"Y/N.. damn it's like you're not even paying attention" Diggy said exasperated and looked away from me and looked down at his textbooks. "Sorry, what?" I shook my head out of my daze. "You're so distracted.. is everything okay at home?" "It's all fine seriously, don't worry bout me" I told him. "But that's my job as a boyfriend. You're such a god person always thinking of everyone but yourself, always caring for me and doing the right thing.." he cuddled upto me as we both laid on our chests on my bed. He clambered all over me, invading my space and his words were making me sick.  I wasn't a good person, I didn't do the right thing... I was selfish and told someone to abort their baby. A baby whose life I shouldn't have had a say in and the more I thought about it, the more overwhelmed I got. "Diggy please. Stop" I instructed him and sighed, I was overwhelmed with emotion and thoughts and he slowly crawled away from me on the bed and gathered his books. "You're not okay are you?" "Do I seriously look like it?" I said frustrated and rolled my eyes at him.

"Don't go taking this out on me... I ain't know what's up with you lately. I get we haven't had sex yet but when I even try to get close to you, you pull away and act funny. What's up with that?" "Nothing, leave me alone.." I said muffled as I threw my face in my bedsheets. "No, you're gonna tell me.." he demanded. "I can't be dealing with this" he mumbled but I was silent. "I hate arguing with you or even not talking to you.. is this because of Alyssa?" he asked. "Maybe, maybe not" I said. Why was i being so horrible? "Look, I told you... it's not my baby! Its' not mine otherwise she woulda told me and she wouldn't have disappeared either. No one knows where she is.." Diggy explained. "I'm sorry about that, times a million Y/N. I just don't wanna see you like this.." he was starting to beg me for forgiveness now...

"I've done a bad thing.." I mumbled, then I realised I was meant to say that to myself ad not out loud. What was seriously wrong with me? "What, what is it?" he asked frantically. "I.. I can't tell you" "What do you mean you can't tell me, just say it. You started, now finish" he asked me. "No. Please" I said quietly. He sighed and sat up on the edge of my bed and I was facing away from him. He got up and walked around to the other side of the bed and put his face to mine. "Y/N.. talk to me" he was begging me now, looking desperately at me. "Please.." he cupped my face when I didn't respond and I closed my eyes. "Can you.. just let me have some space?" I asked him. He froze and pulled his hands away slowly and just stared at me then down at the floor. He didn't say a word, just gathered his things. He walked to my bedroom door and I felt a tear fall down my cheeks. I wiped it as he stood in the doorway and looked at me before leaving.

I sat in the library during lunch instead of going to the lunch hall with my friends. I barely spoke to Marie and Kayla though they were desperately trying to talk to me and texting me constantly. The guilt was taking over an I was quiet with my thoughts... "Y/N.." Marie walked into the library and looked at me as I sat on my own. "You okay?" she whispered and pulled up the seat next to me. "No I'm not.." I murmured to her. "You're never in here, this is weird. It's like foreign territory to me..." I chucked a tiny bit at her reply as she looked around at all the students studying in the library and it was like she was in a dirty house. She looked at everything in fear and discomfort. We need ot talk properly" she told me and I nodded. "I'll go get Kay.." she said and stood up. I held her arm before she could walk away. "Not the boys, not Diggy. Just us three, okay? In the bathroom down the hall, it's important" I couldn't' even look her in the eyes when I told her that. She understood and freed her grip and went to the lunch hall to get Kayla while I got up to go to the bathroom.

I nervously waited in there, I was pacing and walking around frantically. I had to make sure no one was in here and I had to tell anyone that tried to come in that they had to get out. But finally the girls came in together. "We're here.." Kayla said and I immediately went up to them both and hugged them so tightly. i was crying small tears and they both laughed a little and sighed happily and hugged me back. "Y/N, what's going on?" Kayla asked and I broke away form them both and breathed so nervously. I was shaking... "You can tell us" Marie held my hand and Kayla held the other. I was crying now. "Y/N don't cry, I hate seeing you cry.." Kayla 's voice was breaking as she looked at me and she was rocking my hand, desperate for me to speak. "Guys.. I did something so horrible.." I begun to cry and they stared at me desperately. "You know how Alyssa was pregnant?" I looked up at them and they nodded in response. "Well... she showed me this evidence... and it turns out.." I tried to hold onto my words but they broke and the tears were making my eyes so red. 

Marie got irritated and shook me. "Y/N, tell us! I know you're crying, but please spit it out.." "It was Diggy's baby.." I cried and I looked at the ground, squeezing my eyes tightly together. "Oh my God..." Kayla gasped at me and put her other hand over her mouth. "You serious?" Marie's eyes were wider than before. "And.." I uttered and they both held their breath. "She told me.. in this room last week... she said it was the day she was leaving.. the day she'd move to another state.. and then she asked me if I wanted her to abort it because she said she was ruining mine and Diggy's lives... . I told her to do it and she did it" I told them and I felt sick to even say that sentence. I felt so evil.. "You're kidding right?" Marie asked and I shook my head. "I told her to do it and she did it and left the state to go to boarding school. She wrote me this letter and everything.." I sniffled and reached in my pocket.

"...And there was this sonogram" I said and pulled it out to show them. They stared at the photo and I was wiping my tears. "This is what you were hung up about?" Kayla turned to me and I nodded. "Sweetie, don't cry about it... you didn't have to shut us out" she hugged me tight. "I just felt so guilty" I mumbled. "Don't do that to yourself." She said looking firmly in my red, sore eyes. "She was prepared to go through with it, she had it already prepared..." she explained. "Its not your fault..." Marie added and I smiled a little at her. "Don't dwell on the past. It's only now that matters, okay? We'll keep this between us" Kayla pinky promised me and we opened the door to get out the bathroom...

...And Diggy was standing right there, looking me dead in the eyes like I was the most evil person he'd ever seen. "So... the baby was mine?" he asked angrily and I froze and bit my lip nervously..." "Dig..." "And you're the reason my baby was aborted?" he cut me off demanded an answer and I looked down while he clenched his fists. "You're so selfish.. you had me thinking I did something wrong to you but you... You were busy being a snake..." he snarled at me. He saw the sonogram in my hands and grabbed it from me. He stared at it and a tear came down his face. He pulled the sonogram down to stare at me and his eyes were full of fire...

"Diggy, please hear me out.." "No, fuck that. Fuck you.." he shouted, he was so angry then he turned around and walked away . "Diggy, I'm sorry..!" I started sobbing and crying and Kayla pulled me to hold me in her arms.