Message In A Bottle ↬Markson

Chapter 22

A long chapter because I have been gone for ages. Enjoy x

It has been a few days since Mark and Jackson had arrived in Hong Kong and Jackson has been in a mood. Oh boy, he was angry. After the day Jackson had first lashed out to both of them he had returned on his statement on how he thought his uncle was lying about everything. Jackson felt like, after all, his uncle couldn't be lying to him. And so, when Mark thought Jackson was already in the third stage of his grieving process, he was actually still stuck in the second one. 

It was exhausting really, for Mark but also for Jackson. Mark kept himself big, kept himself together. In reality, it did hurt that his boyfriend was screaming in his face and was being mad at him for no real reason. After all, Mark was still a sensitive guy when it came to people who were close to him. He didn't have many people that were close to him. He didn't have many people who could read him effortlessly, people who knew how to comfort him.

Mark knows how it is to be this angry, it might be the most angry he has ever been his entire life when he went through the same experience. The mood Jackson has been in is caused by what Mark believes is the second stage of his grieving process. Mark had been angry too when he was grieving. People didn't even want to come near Mark because they knew he would just scream or yell at them for no reason at all. Mark didn't do it because he wanted to yell at them, not at all. It had been the fact nobody was there for Mark and he had no one to properly vent to which caused him to yell at anyone who did try to come close to him. 

It had hurt Mark. It had hurt him that no one was there when he wasn't angry. He had been lonely. It had caused Mark to become distant. Distant to his friends and family, to his own parents even. He didn't talk about his emotions, why would he? No one understood him anyway, there was no point. Atleast, that was what Mark believed at the time. He was a stubborn teenager who didn't finish college. Not many things had a point in his opinion. Because Mark knows how much it hurts when people aren't there during this process, he wants to be there for Jackson. He doesn't want him to be alone, he doesn't want him to feel lonely.  

So even if Jackson was throwing a tantrum, screaming and yelling in Mark's face, Mark stood where he was and didn't leave. Even if Jackson did leave, to cool down or to gather his thoughts, Mark would stay. He would let Jackson have his alone time, but he always checked on him after a while. He wanted his boyfriend to be okay and he feels responsible for Jackson's grieving process as he doesn't want him to feel the same as he did years ago. 

Therefore, even if Jackson threw a tantrum, Mark stayed. His boyfriend was going through a process which would shape him as a person, a process which was undeniably hard. Mark tried to keep Jackson distracted, but that wasn't easy. The boy's mind was full of thoughts all the time, angry thoughts and sad thoughts mostly. The thoughts kept coming back at him like a boomerang. Jackson's uncle reappeared in his mind and for Jackson, his mood was immediately turned around when that happened.

Jackson is angry. Not just angry in general or for no reason. For him there was a specific reason why he was being angry. He is angry at himself for the idea of letting his uncle come over in the first place. If he hadn't picked up the phone or made plans with him, he maybe wouldn't have died. If he wouldn't have been in touch with him, he wouldn't been found buried in the ground. 

The past couple of days had been hell for Jackson. He had those thoughts constantly. He was constantly trying to shove them away, to not think about it but even that wouldn't work as he the thoughts slipped into his mind without him noticing it.

Not just Mark had been influenced by his angry behavior, Jinyoung was getting yelled and screamed at aswell. For Jinyoung though, it had not been as easy as it is for Mark to let things slide. Jinyoung had gotten angry aswell.